I don't really think in terms of "competency" unless it comes to life in general. I feel kind lacking in whatever is needed to live a full, satisfying existence. I have trouble pinpointing what it is (because it's probably nothing), and so I just sort of carry a sense of deficiency around. I have this the most in the social realm because I tend to feel awkward, unlikeable, & burdensome even.
A part of me feels like I have potential, mainly because that was hammered into my head while growing up, but I don't feel like I have the energy or motivation to pursue it. Daily life just takes so much energy & I require so much down time to just think/meditate that I sort feel stunted at that. Most of my goals are attached to being autonomous, being able to do what I want without expectations, obligations or overseeing eyes.
One of my earliest memories was my sister bragging to a friend that I drew better than her friend's brother, who was older. I was probably about 3 at the time. In school, I got academic & artistic awards & labels like "gifted" as well as special treatment (lots of absences/tardiness overlooked, didn't have to take some tests or was given alternate assignments like "create your own project"). This very likely formed my identity/persona, as well as indulging bad tendencies of mine (poor with structure or discipline to do mundane tasks, feeling separated/different from others). My sense of competency was being the "smart, arty girl", and my incompetency was in the practical & social realms of life. But even as I got older, I questioned my own supposed smarts or talents, because I increasingly did less with them, but without that identity I'd get a nagging sense of "nothing". I feel incompetent to be who I'd like to be, I guess, and/or I feel like the world is not "made" for someone like me, like whatever I "have" is not valued by it.
(As a side: I mentioned at PerC a feeling of having "the wrong currency", like money from another country that's not recognized. Just as when you exchange money, you often have a fee & are left with less, I'll feel like converting who I am to something deemed "valuable" would mean losing myself in a way. I have a knee-jerk reaction to that; I'd rather just sit on my useless money. I think this is related to competency...?)
I didn't have achievement in mind at all as a kid; I was actually quite a slacker in many ways. I remember finishing assigned books ahead of time because I just found them interesting, however nerdy that may be. I spent most of my time when home doing little art projects I came up with, just because an idea would strike me. I wouldn't usually show these to people, but I wasn't extremely secretive either. I don't remember feeling inauthentic or less genuine to receive recognition either... I remember being kind of blase about accepting awards, but also feeling resentment & contempt if someone I saw as less intelligent or talented was acknowledged as equal or better even. So I did have a drive to not be outdone by the overachievers, when I felt I did better with a flick of my wrist (I was quite arrogant in some respects).
As an adult, I don't share much of anything with people because I feel embarrassed, like it's never good enough. I think it could make me feel inauthentic in the sense that it falls short of this ideal I have, and I worry I've projected the ideal & people will expect a lot. I hardly speak of anything I "do" because I don't want to give the wrong impression. I tend to downplay myself in person & find doing the opposite hard (which is why things like job interviews are hard). I admit I hardly can judge myself objectively.... If I compare what I do with anything, then it's always something extraordinary that I don't think I'm smart or talented or even just motivated enough to live up to.
There is definitely a concern for perfection & correctness. I am embarrassed by mistakes & of any shortcomings in what I create. Having other people point it out is terrible, because it confirms the shame I have over "never being good enough". As a kid, I was indignant at being scolded or criticized, because I'd feel like no one was seeing any of my good & like I almost had higher standards than they were even aware existed. I felt "misunderstood". As an adult, I'm less arrogant & also less sensitive. I'm more likely to just downplay so people are pleasantly surprised or so I don't have to expend as much energy.
I do edit my posts if I catch a typo or some other error, but as I write them I also edit/organize (mainly cuz I don't write in order).