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  1. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wind Up Rex View Post
    One of the fundamental concerns of the Gut Triad is how the individual relates to their anger: type 8s express anger, type 9s avoid anger, and type 1s suppress anger. In both the Gut Triad and the Enneagram itself, 8s are the most at home with anger. As an 8, I have no qualms with letting someone know when they've pissed me off, and frankly find the experience of being angry cathartic. I have friends who also type as 8s who say that they generally feel some residual level of anger. For us, being angry is just something of a natural state.
    I don't know what you mean by "generally" feeling residual level of anger? Does that mean constantly or just that it's easy to get into it? For me only the latter's true. Though, when I'm less healthy, it's more easy to get into it, so it could seem more constant.


    That said, I'm beginning to wonder if it's healthy for me to take my anger for granted in the way that I do. The person I'm seeing now believes that I have an "anger problem", and that I ought to seek help for it. I'm not sure what constitutes a "problem", however. While I certainly have a temper, I have never been violent, and have never been one to stay angry about anything for too long. I'm debating whether I should listen to my SO and find a way to "manage my anger", or just find someone else who can deal with me on my own terms. I've always felt the anger that I feel is less about hostility and more about my inner fire--my personal sense of ambition, strength, and resiliance.
    I guess you've sorted this out since then but I would've said, ask SO why he recommends this route of "managing anger". Does SO get hurt easily?

    That btw, is the only problem I see about being angry. It can cause bad feelings in other people. Consequently, sometimes this will lead to antagonism, then being explicitly unliked by such people etc. etc. Even when I'm just being simply argumentative with a lower level of anger which I personally don't even perceive as real anger - just something enjoyable -, some people can feel bad about it. One of them told me that after talking to me they would have a ruined day sometimes. That was quite shocking to learn. And no, knowing this unfortunately didn't help, as I didn't change...


    My question to other 8s is have you ever attempted to manage your anger? What prompted you to do so, and what were the results?
    Well a long time ago, I thought I should be able to control it so I tried but I ended up with no results. I found I could not repress it, it would just come back stronger within a minute or so and I couldn't talk myself out of it either. So I left it at that, I decided it was better for me to stay this way and just let it out


    To all: how do you define a healthy relationship with anger?
    If you're already angry, better just let it out.

    Other than that, I once saw a book about anger management that had the main message of not waiting until you get angry, you need to change your way of viewing the situation before you start reacting to it. Sounds complicated but I guess this is supposed to be the ultimate way to do things... I would have to change a lot for that though, I would have to learn thinking first before acting. :o No, better if you change/manage the situation itself.


    Quote Originally Posted by Wind Up Rex View Post
    All the same, I think there's a lot of power in being able to manage one's emotions even in difficult situations. Now I'm just working out when it's called for versus when to just let loose on someone.
    So what did you learn about this? How do you decide when it's called for?


    Quote Originally Posted by King Temur View Post
    Sometimes when I get angry at certain people, in the long run, I end up feeling sort of bad about it, but I'll never think so in the moment. I think in the long run, letting anger run free is a bad thing, and one should learn how to better channel their anger. For the most part, I am not a very angry person at all. But in the times that I do get angry, people around me are very intimidated by what comes out, and they've often told me I need to fix or change myself. I'm probably not much older than you, if at all, but from my experience and sight, do you really think you can tie down your anger, if you are a type 8?

    I couldn't imagine doing so.
    I'm not sure I even want to, I like the feeling.

    It doesn't mean it's always good, as you say.


    That is why those around me have learned to circumnavigate.
    What do they do exactly?


    Quote Originally Posted by kyuuei View Post
    I've written on anger before, but to be short and brief I think it is very hard to be an 8 and not have anger issues. It sort of comes with the territory.
    Yeah but why do you think so? A natural consequence of how 8's are? Tied to wanting control? Feeling good and alive with anger? Etc...


    Quote Originally Posted by DiscoBiscuit View Post
    People don't really wake the beast in me, IRL.

    Happens much more frequently here.

    I've only gotten really really angry, like stay away from me angry, a maybe two times in the last 5 or 6 six years IRL.
    Why more often online? Hmm I don't see much of a difference between online and IRL. Maybe IRL I'm a bit more angry.

    Nice you only got that raging only two times in 6 years. :p Not that it happens very often for me, no, but more than that...


    Quote Originally Posted by Azure Flame View Post
    Same. I've gone full out warcry shouting at people probably twice in my life. It happens a lot online though.
    God, just twice? In my family when I lived with them, shouting happened everyday. Like, real bad shouting :P My brother & me leading the way Sometimes parents too


    Quote Originally Posted by Azure Flame View Post
    I'm very intense when I'm feeling mobilized, and a lot of people interpret this as anger when it isn't.
    Yep subjective definitions. When I'm just like, "normal argumentative", they think I'm very angry etc.


    I find that when I am most enthusiastic, people think I am "insane," which is odd to me.
    You just probably like to jump into things with real intense passion, some people have the tendency to start worrying about overdoing when they see that. A friend of mine is like that, when he worries about me, it's pretty annoying

  2. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by valaki View Post
    Yeah but why do you think so? A natural consequence of how 8's are? Tied to wanting control? Feeling good and alive with anger? Etc...
    It's kind of like asking why children throw tantrums. They're wired for it perfectly. I'm sure there are some children that don't ever really throw tantrums, but the way the brain, and mechanisms, and everything is set up.. it's primed for acting like a fool and not caring. Similarly, the personality of the type 8 is perfectly poised for anger issues. There are probably mellow 8s out there.. and while no one I know would say I have legit needs-help anger issues.. I cannot deny that anger is both my fuel and my crutch.
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  3. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by kyuuei View Post
    It's kind of like asking why children throw tantrums. They're wired for it perfectly. I'm sure there are some children that don't ever really throw tantrums, but the way the brain, and mechanisms, and everything is set up.. it's primed for acting like a fool and not caring. Similarly, the personality of the type 8 is perfectly poised for anger issues. There are probably mellow 8s out there.. and while no one I know would say I have legit needs-help anger issues.. I cannot deny that anger is both my fuel and my crutch.
    OK I guessed you meant it like that; when I said "a natural consequence" I was referring to this. My question is more about how this wiring is/how it works exactly. That's what I listed options for ("Tied to wanting control? Feeling good and alive with anger? Etc..."). So, would you be able to give a neat explanation on that?

    Oh and children throwing tantrums, I was one who definitely did.

  4. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by valaki View Post
    "Tied to wanting control? Feeling good and alive with anger? Etc..."
    All of the above. We crave control. Independence in a world where you increasingly need to rely on others to get anywhere. Feeling absolutely focused when angry. Feeling out of control in a lifestyle built on it via anger. There are so many mechanisms that feed loops tied to anger. It is the most corrosive and one of the most powerful emotions out there--and that naturally attracts the 8 that constantly has to flirt with that fire, bordering on not being so scared of it that you let it die out.. and it burning you.
    Kantgirl: Just say "I'm feminine and I'll punch anyone who says otherwise!"
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  5. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by kyuuei View Post
    All of the above. We crave control. Independence in a world where you increasingly need to rely on others to get anywhere. Feeling absolutely focused when angry. Feeling out of control in a lifestyle built on it via anger. There are so many mechanisms that feed loops tied to anger. It is the most corrosive and one of the most powerful emotions out there--and that naturally attracts the 8 that constantly has to flirt with that fire, bordering on not being so scared of it that you let it die out.. and it burning you.
    Thanks nice makes sense ;p

  6. #46
    Senior Member NK258's Avatar
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    I know I'm not an 8 and that is who you want to reply but I just want to say that I don't think 8's have an anger "problem". I think their life energy beautiful. It's as if their only real challenge is to submit to their very own power and fill their needs. Ironically, they are their greatest challenge to overcome.

    I like 8's. Just the way they are. And I think they just need to relax, give up control, and give themselves a break. They're perfect just the way they are. <3
    6w7 Sx/Sp (621 or 612. Same diff :p).

  7. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by NK258 View Post
    It's as if their only real challenge is to submit to their very own power and fill their needs. Ironically, they are their greatest challenge to overcome.
    What needs do you mean here?

  8. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by valaki View Post
    What needs do you mean here?
    In order to lead, you must first learn to follow ...
    6w7 Sx/Sp (621 or 612. Same diff :p).

  9. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by NK258 View Post
    In order to lead, you must first learn to follow ...
    I see

  10. #50
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    8's have anger problems because they need a hug

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