What are they? How would a self forgetting individual choose between the two?
With me, I often do what I want to do but sorta have no idea what that is. Its like the jetski is turned on and no one can stop me... but I have no IDEA WHERE I'M GOING!
I accept others' input to a flaw, to the point that I absorb it and try it out, then realize it doesn't work for me and I get very angry at the person as a result. Sometimes this results in me accusing them of manipulation.
Often times I have a lot of people in my life coming over and telling me what's best for me. I used to ignore it as a kid, until people started telling me to be "humble." This "humility" was a way to open my gate. I became "humble" and started accepting too much input, listening to others too much. This was a huge mistake and my life fell apart. I grew incredibly angry, closed the gate, and now consciously ignore everyone's input and the jetski is set to my own direction. I now ignore everyone else's feelings, and I antagonize those who try to make me give a shit about their concerns.
However, sometimes women will come up to me and give me their life goals, and I'll wonder if its possible compromise my own dreams to connect ours together.
I identify a lot with 9 and my life sorta feels like I'm navigating through a field of gravity wells. People start drawing me into their lives and I have to force them out to maintain the course of my own direction.
At the same time I have a retarded amount of energy and regardless how much I pretend to agree with others, I assert my way regardless. This makes me lean toward 8 again.
How I deal with anger somewhat varies. I don't like hurting people unless it is a last resort and they're not getting the message even though I have incredible thoughts of revenge. I'm often frustrated that most idiots don't have the sense of decency to respond to logic, and only respond to emotion. I've gone "all out anger" on people 3 times in my life, where I use the resonance frequency of the room to amplify my voice and become terrifying, often making my dad and other victims start crying, but Idunno if that's really core 8 or just a wing 8 at work. The other day a salesman convinced me to buy a suit for 1200 dollars because I have no idea how much suits costs. Needless to say, I felt humiliated and taken advantage of. I was incredibly angry, went out and bought 6 pounds of Mac and 3 Pounds of cheese. I really f***in like mac'n'cheese.
Some of the 9 traits I identify heavily with are:
-Heavy inertia, not responding to people quickly, hard to get the ball rolling. Most people think they need to yell at me to get me to do something. When they do I often respond with, "ok geez you dont need to yell." and just start mozying my way toward the job, haha.
-Looking inward at who I am is very difficult and vague. What I want to do in my life is hard to describe to others and is very vague. "I want to do something kinesthetic and help people."
-I can absorb other people's personalities into my own psyche to the point that I know what they're feeling and thinking. This also has a negative affect in which I am rather suggestible and easy to manipulate if I don't put my guard up.
-I get angry after following other's advice that doesn't work.
-I'll put on a front of agreeing with people even if I don't, mostly because I want them to stop talking to me and I don't want to create a scene.
-I identify to an extent with having to defend myself from other's aspirations instead of my own. I have to remind myself, "this is what I'm after, this is what they're after. Ignore them and do what you do."
Ideas? Is there a single arbitrating question that would help me identify which one I am? For the most part I'm still pretty set on 8w9, but I'm more curious to understand where the line is drawn between the two enneatypes. How much is 8, how much is 9?