User Tag List

First 12345 Last

Results 21 to 30 of 56

  1. #21
    Senior Member Entropic's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    8w9 sx/so
    Socionics
    ILI Ni
    Posts
    1,199

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Southern Kross View Post
    IME 9w8s don't seem very 8-like at all - at least on the surface. They're very mellow, go-with-the-flow people with a no-BS interior. A good description I read said that 9w8s, "display calmness from a position of strength".

    I think 8w9s are going to be a lot more domineering and unperturbed by conflict. I read somewhere that 8w7s believe offence is the best defence, but 8w9s are all about setting up a good defensive system and waiting for others to make their move. So I suppose you could say 8w9s show "strength from a position of calmness".
    I read those descriptions also and I kind of agree that 8w7 is more up-front and directly confrontational whereas 8w9 is more diplomatic.

    I was waiting for the day you and I would meet.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Youtuber | The Typologist Blog | Redditor | Message me!

  2. #22
    Blood of the Exile Animal's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    MBTI
    ISTP
    Enneagram
    4w3 sx/sp
    Socionics
    LSI Se
    Posts
    645

    Default

    My ex was a 9w8 and I'm an 8 (probably a slightly stronger wing 9).

    I seek out conflict on the internet - through political debates or recently, another personality forum. But in my personal life, I don't fight much except if it's necessary.

    When I dated a 9w8 for two years, we didn't fight often, but it was always me starting a confrontation. He would push me beyond the limit, showing up late, leaving his huge mess around and dishes, spending his money thoughtlessly and not having enough for food so that I had to pay; being lazy in ways that affected *me* and *my* schedule. He was a hard worker at work, but lazy at home, and I don't take well to imposition on my space and time. So I would confront him, and he would not fight back, and would make peace. Then, for a week he'd change his habits, and ultimately slip back into the same habits. I was always more take-charge, and when something came up that I was doing, which was unfair to him, I changed it, worked on myself, and took it seriously. Once I promise to do something, I do it. If I don't intend to do it, I say so in the first place. But he would just say something to appease me, and fail to do what he said, if he didn't feel like it at the time.

    I don't want to make him sound all bad, though. He was very calming and kind and patient. When I gave him a list of all the things I needed him to do, I asked him what he needed from me, and he said, in essence, "I need you to believe I love you, and that when I do these things, it's not because I don't love you, but only because I have terrible habits. It's my own problem. I am not as goal-oriented as you. It doesn't mean I don't love you." He was my first long-term boyfriend, because prior, I never let anyone in and had issues with vulnerability. So, props to the 9w8 for softening me up.

    That might help?

  3. #23
    Certified Sausage Smoker Elfboy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx/sp
    Socionics
    SLI None
    Posts
    9,635

    Default

    @DJ Arendee
    your initial post doesn't seem related to enneagram as much as personal boundaries. it sounds like yours are poorly defined and as a result you fluctuate from overly harsh/stand-offish to overly permissive and not asserting your own desires and needs. you might want to consider defining your own boundaries and the boundaries of others more clearly and learning to assert them without becoming excessively forceful or angry. anyway, just something to think about, it's a common problem of younger men in general
    ENFP: We put the Fi in Fire
    ENFP
    5w4>1w9>2w1 Sx/Sp
    SEE-Fi
    Papa Bear
    Motivation: Dark Worker
    Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
    Chibi Seme
    MTG Color: black/red
    Male Archtype: King/Lover
    Sunburst!
    "You are a gay version of Gambit" Speed Gavroche
    "I wish that I could be affected by any hate, but I can't, cuz I just get affected by the bank" Chamillionaire

  4. #24
    royal member Rasofy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w6 sp/sx
    Posts
    5,932

    Default

    task will get easier once you disconsider the stupid wings
    -----------------

    A man builds. A parasite asks 'Where is my share?'
    A man creates. A parasite says, 'What will the neighbors think?'
    A man invents. A parasite says, 'Watch out, or you might tread on the toes of God... '


    -----------------

  5. #25
    Permabanned
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    MBTI
    ESTP
    Enneagram
    8w7
    Posts
    2,319

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Southern Kross View Post
    IME 9w8s don't seem very 8-like at all - at least on the surface. They're very mellow, go-with-the-flow people with a no-BS interior. A good description I read said that 9w8s, "display calmness from a position of strength".

    I think 8w9s are going to be a lot more domineering and unperturbed by conflict. I read somewhere that 8w7s believe offence is the best defence, but 8w9s are all about setting up a good defensive system and waiting for others to make their move. So I suppose you could say 8w9s show "strength from a position of calmness".
    Hmm... Idunno if that's the best simplification because its still a little confusing, maybe the words need to change.

    So an 8w9 would choose to become calm and a 9w8 would choose to become strong?

  6. #26
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 so/sp
    Posts
    2,912

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by DJ Arendee View Post
    Hmm... Idunno if that's the best simplification because its still a little confusing, maybe the words need to change.

    So an 8w9 would choose to become calm and a 9w8 would choose to become strong?
    Let me explain further:

    9w8s don't avoid conflict like 9w1s. It doesn't bother them as much; they see conflict as something to be overcome and defused. They face it staunchly and try to hold things together, rather than try to escape as a 9w1 would. In that sense, their calmness comes from strength, not through avoidance. (calmness is the goal; strength is the means to achieve it)

    The 8w9 don't overtly assert their strength like a 8w7. Charging in or going on the attack, like a 8w7, may seem rather like panicked aggression to 8w9. They see their strength as coming from the knowledge that they are well prepared; in their confidence that they will be able to tackle the challenges they may face. They feel secure in their abilities and show this through a forceful, self-assured composure, rather than engaging in a constant, all-out battle to prove their dominance. In that sense, their strength comes from calmness, not through outright antagonism. (strength is the goal; calmness is the means to achieve it)

    So what I'm saying is the difference between them is down to which is their primary goal: strength or calmness. And also if they are pushed, what would they sacrifice first? A 8w9 would forgo the appearance of calm if they felt they were losing dominance over a situation, but a 9w8 would rather let things slide and retain harmony, than attempt to assert themselves.
    INFP 4w5 so/sp

    I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas;
    they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.

    - Emily Bronte

  7. #27
    Permabanned
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    MBTI
    ESTP
    Enneagram
    8w7
    Posts
    2,319

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Southern Kross View Post
    Let me explain further:

    9w8s don't avoid conflict like 9w1s. It doesn't bother them as much; they see conflict as something to be overcome and defused. They face it staunchly and try to hold things together, rather than try to escape as a 9w1 would. In that sense, their calmness comes from strength, not through avoidance. (calmness is the goal; strength is the means to achieve it)

    The 8w9 don't overtly assert their strength like a 8w7. Charging in or going on the attack, like a 8w7, may seem rather like panicked aggression to 8w9. They see their strength as coming from the knowledge that they are well prepared; in their confidence that they will be able to tackle the challenges they may face. They feel secure in their abilities and show this through a forceful, self-assured composure, rather than engaging in a constant, all-out battle to prove their dominance. In that sense, their strength comes from calmness, not through outright antagonism. (strength is the goal; calmness is the means to achieve it)

    So what I'm saying is the difference between them is down to which is their primary goal: strength or calmness. And also if they are pushed, what would they sacrifice first? A 8w9 would forgo the appearance of calm if they felt they were losing dominance over a situation, but a 9w8 would rather let things slide and retain harmony, than attempt to assert themselves.
    Thank you. That makes sense.

  8. #28
    Transient Faceless Beauty's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    MBTI
    ENTJ
    Enneagram
    9w8
    Socionics
    ENTj Ni
    Posts
    177

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by DJ Arendee View Post
    I'll agree with 9's feeling invisible. I mean, I'm not a 9 but I can see how that could be true.

    I disagree that 8's walk in feeling like "ok there's a new sheriff in town." At least, if I do, its unconscious. I've been called out on that behavior though. Its not something I consciously say to myself, "ok dj, its time to puff out your chest and make yourself look big. 1 2 3 *inhale* FFF!" However I find I'm different from a lot of 8's I've spoken to because a lot of people tend to do things knowingly in their head while I just do them because they feel like a good idea. So its hard to say who is right and wrong.
    I wouldn't say that I feel invisible to everyone else, but most people are invisible or background noise to me.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    "The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist."-Roger Kint, The Usual Suspects
    "You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else."- Tyler Durden, Fight Club
    ENTJ, LIE-Ni, 9w8-6w5-3w2

  9. #29
    Senior Member The Great One's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Enneagram
    6w7
    Posts
    3,461

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by LeaT View Post
    I read those descriptions also and I kind of agree that 8w7 is more up-front and directly confrontational whereas 8w9 is more diplomatic.
    8w9 isn't diplomatic at all. 8w9's come off like a grizzly bear that is very dangerous but probably won't fuck with you unless they are provoked.

  10. #30
    Permabanned
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    MBTI
    ESTP
    Enneagram
    8w7
    Posts
    2,319

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by The Great One View Post
    8w9 isn't diplomatic at all. 8w9's come off like a grizzly bear that is very dangerous but probably won't fuck with you unless they are provoked.
    I don't think 8w9's look dangerous at all unless they've chosen to strive for that. I was bullied all through high school and in the military because people mistakenly thought they could get away with it. Only now after 25 years have I decided to start consciously going more on the offensive around strangers.

    I can easily intimidate people if I want to but my reasons for doing that are often times juvenile. I personally don't like the idea that people are scared of me and I try to make others feel comfortable around me... even though I'm awful at that. I get uncomfortable when people around me are nervous or on the guard. I actually take it a little personally when people are intimidated by me. For this reason I get especially angry at people who play victim around me.

Similar Threads

  1. [NF] Commonalities/differences between ENFP and ENFJ
    By proteanmix in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 36
    Last Post: 09-23-2015, 02:35 PM
  2. Differences between 9w1 and 9w8
    By untypeable in forum Enneagram
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 09-01-2010, 09:52 AM
  3. What's the difference between meritocracy and technocracy?
    By Ezra in forum Philosophy and Spirituality
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 05-04-2008, 07:21 AM
  4. Replies: 16
    Last Post: 10-08-2007, 08:30 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO