DJ Arendee about this subject in a different thread and so I'm going to be obnoxious and quote myself for efficency's sake:
The poor treatement that you got from this guy is in no way, shape, or form something you brought on yourself. No one deserves being treated badly. What I had been trying to say in the post that you quoted was that if anyone could get past an 8s defenses and find a way to their heart, it would be an sx-dom 4. I also don't want you to take that to mean that you should have been able to make him "love you more" or "treat you better" or whatever. My point is that there is something special about the way 8s and 4s relate, so if that's what you're seeking, then I don't have any doubts that you can find it elsewhere from the ass you're seeing now.The 8/4 dance is pretty infamous. I've mentioned elsewhere that Fours seem to be the type that pull me the most, but just like for the OP it never seems to work out. My experience has been that there's a very intense bond that forms, generally to the exclusion of everything else. Boundaries get stripped away early. It's not always healthy. The attraction is pretty straightforward for me: Fours inhabit their inner world as totally and confidently as we navigate the outer one. It doesn't sound like much, but the sense of completion that can be derived from that can feel utter.
Your misread is somewhat telling in that it's clear that somewhere you feel culpable for the relationship being such a fiasco, which again is completely unfair to yourself. The only place where someone might fault you is for not getting out sooner. That's it. And even then, I understand where you're coming from. I don't take commitment lightly, and it can be hard for me to give up on someone that I love even when I know I deserve better.