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  1. #31
    my floof is luxury Wind Up Rex's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Newbyagain View Post
    Thank you. What do you mean an SX 4 would be likely to elicit that kind of response? I didn't elicit these things though. I definately made it worse later on... but for a while in the beginning I just withdrew and didn't go back and forth with him. It was months of him making subtle comments that he could do better and it wasn't until he started hitting on other girls in front of me online that I flew off the hook. He made it very hard for me to be understanding.
    To the bolded, I think you may have misunderstood me. The 8/4 relationship is famous (or infamous, depending on where you stand) for its intensity and passion. I got into a discussion with @DJ Arendee about this subject in a different thread and so I'm going to be obnoxious and quote myself for efficency's sake:

    The 8/4 dance is pretty infamous. I've mentioned elsewhere that Fours seem to be the type that pull me the most, but just like for the OP it never seems to work out. My experience has been that there's a very intense bond that forms, generally to the exclusion of everything else. Boundaries get stripped away early. It's not always healthy. The attraction is pretty straightforward for me: Fours inhabit their inner world as totally and confidently as we navigate the outer one. It doesn't sound like much, but the sense of completion that can be derived from that can feel utter.
    The poor treatement that you got from this guy is in no way, shape, or form something you brought on yourself. No one deserves being treated badly. What I had been trying to say in the post that you quoted was that if anyone could get past an 8s defenses and find a way to their heart, it would be an sx-dom 4. I also don't want you to take that to mean that you should have been able to make him "love you more" or "treat you better" or whatever. My point is that there is something special about the way 8s and 4s relate, so if that's what you're seeking, then I don't have any doubts that you can find it elsewhere from the ass you're seeing now.

    Your misread is somewhat telling in that it's clear that somewhere you feel culpable for the relationship being such a fiasco, which again is completely unfair to yourself. The only place where someone might fault you is for not getting out sooner. That's it. And even then, I understand where you're coming from. I don't take commitment lightly, and it can be hard for me to give up on someone that I love even when I know I deserve better.
    And so long as you haven’t experienced this: to die and so to grow,
    you are only a troubled guest on the dark earth

  2. #32
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Newbyagain View Post
    I don't think that is very thoughtful for you to say that. This is a very sensitive issue. Trust me, I am quick to jump the gun and think the worst of everything,
    Apparently so. Rather than defend by painting a black picture of him, instead don't view my comment as any reflection on you. Someone not being into another, doesn't necessarily mean that there's any reflection of who you are or whether you're lovable. Consider yourself lovable and move on. He's a waste of your emotions and energy.

  3. #33
    Blood of the Exile Animal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chiharu View Post
    I know Eights in stable, loving relationships... but they usually settle down later in life and tend to be very choosy about their mates.
    This ^ ^

    I'm 32 years old. I've had more "viable suitors" than all of my male and female friends combined, and most of them "settled" and got married at least once by now. The first time I had a relationship that lasted more than a couple of months was in my late 20s. I draw a clear line in the sand, state my needs, and once I see that they won't be met, I leave and don't look back. Over the last few years, I'm beginning to outgrow the habit, learn to compromise, and be more vulnerable. It requires really looking into myself and staying focused on the task of self-improvement. Otherwise, I just slip back into selfishness.
    Art is the blood of the Exile
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  4. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wind-Up Rex View Post
    To the bolded, I think you may have misunderstood me. The 8/4 relationship is famous (or infamous, depending on where you stand) for its intensity and passion. I got into a discussion with @DJ Arendee about this subject in a different thread and so I'm going to be obnoxious and quote myself for efficency's sake:



    The poor treatement that you got from this guy is in no way, shape, or form something you brought on yourself. No one deserves being treated badly. What I had been trying to say in the post that you quoted was that if anyone could get past an 8s defenses and find a way to their heart, it would be an sx-dom 4. I also don't want you to take that to mean that you should have been able to make him "love you more" or "treat you better" or whatever. My point is that there is something special about the way 8s and 4s relate, so if that's what you're seeking, then I don't have any doubts that you can find it elsewhere from the ass you're seeing now.

    Your misread is somewhat telling in that it's clear that somewhere you feel culpable for the relationship being such a fiasco, which again is completely unfair to yourself. The only place where someone might fault you is for not getting out sooner. That's it. And even then, I understand where you're coming from. I don't take commitment lightly, and it can be hard for me to give up on someone that I love even when I know I deserve better.
    @Wind-up-Rex

    You are right. And thank you for the nice words, they were helpful.

  5. #35
    Senior Member Entropic's Avatar
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    @Wind-Up Rex please tell me what types are infamous relationships including the 5? XD

    I was waiting for the day you and I would meet.

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  6. #36
    my floof is luxury Wind Up Rex's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LeaT View Post
    @Wind-Up Rex please tell me what types are infamous relationships including the 5? XD
    5s are all destined to die alone. That's a fact that is both well-known and established in the literature.
    And so long as you haven’t experienced this: to die and so to grow,
    you are only a troubled guest on the dark earth

  7. #37
    Senior Member Entropic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wind-Up Rex View Post
    5s are all destined to die alone. That's a fact that is both well-known and established in the literature.

    I was waiting for the day you and I would meet.

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  8. #38
    Blood of the Exile Animal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wind-Up Rex View Post
    5s are all destined to die alone. That's a fact that is both well-known and established in the literature.
    Quote Originally Posted by LeaT View Post
    That may be true - unless the 5 is lucky (or unlucky) enough to be chased really hard by a dedicated 8.

    For reference: see the movie "Altered States."
    Art is the blood of the Exile
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  9. #39
    Senior Member Entropic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maybe View Post
    That may be true - unless the 5 is lucky (or unlucky) enough to be chased really hard by a dedicated 8.

    For reference: see the movie "Altered States."
    Oh amazing LSE-Te 8, I summon thee from the depths of the netherworld. Heed my love calls and end my romantic misery!

    I was waiting for the day you and I would meet.

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  10. #40
    Blood of the Exile Animal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LeaT View Post
    Oh amazing LSE-Te 8, I summon thee from the depths of the netherworld. Heed my love calls and end my romantic misery!
    As a previously very unhealthy 8, I can tell you that an 8 loves a good chase. However, if that's the basis of the relationship, the unhealthy 8 may objectify the prey and move on once the desired acquisition has been obtained.

    As a closer-to-healthy 8 now, I can tell you that I still love a good chase, but I like the enneagram-5 variety: I want loyalty and trust, in a partner, but the never-ending chase, with a 5, can come in the form of a mind that I can never quite understand; a vast array of thoughts and ideas that I can never keep up with. This is still a chase, but also provides grounds for a real relationship and lasting intimacy. Also, getting someone "into their body" who is normally not quite "in their body" gives me a thrill, especially because 5s have that 8 soul-child lust that is just DYING for a chance to come out, and once you unleash that inner animal, it's highly likely that the 5 will be wild in bed. But they're still a 5, so they'd still be secretive and less likely than some other archetypes to "sleep around." On top of that, "trust" between these two types is likely because both like to "say it how it is" and don't tend to "beat around the bush." Therefore, I vote healthy 5 as an excellent match for a healthy 8.
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