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Thread: E4 withrawal

  1. #1
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    Default E4 withrawal

    I've read that E4's will withdraw from society in order to sort out their emotions.

    I'm trying to understand this process more.
    Do you, as a 4, withdraw?
    How do you behave when you withdraw?
    What does it even mean to withdraw?
    What causes you to withdraw?


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    Senior Member Chiharu's Avatar
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    For me, an keep in mind that I'm an ENFP, so it's partially an Fi overload, it's sort of like all my support resources dry up, and I can't be comforting or helpful anymore.

    If I get upset, I don't want you to offer solutions or try to placate me... I want to be understood, I want pure empathy, and nothing else will do.

    If that's not there, then I need to be alone, in the quiet, to mentally process, categorize, and analyze my emotions until I understand what's upsetting me and WHY. I may through myself into a physical task, or write things out (flowcharts ftw!), but if it's really bad I'll just brood in the most comfortable place possible (moving from sx to sp).
    Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness." ― Kurt Vonnegut

    ENFP. 7w6 – 4w3 – 1w9 sx/so. Aries. Dilettante. Overly anxious optimist.

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    Senior Member Chiharu's Avatar
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    For me, and keep in mind that I'm an ENFP, so it's partially an Fi overload, it's sort of like all my support resources dry up, and I can't be comforting or helpful anymore.

    If I get upset, I don't want you to offer solutions or try to placate me... I want to be understood, I want pure empathy, and nothing else will do.

    If that's not there, then I need to be alone, in the quiet, to mentally process, categorize, and analyze my emotions until I understand what's upsetting me and WHY. I may through myself into a physical task, or write things out (flowcharts ftw!), but if it's really bad I'll just brood in the most comfortable place possible (moving from sx to sp).
    Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness." ― Kurt Vonnegut

    ENFP. 7w6 – 4w3 – 1w9 sx/so. Aries. Dilettante. Overly anxious optimist.

  4. #4
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DJ Arendee View Post
    I've read that E4's will withdraw from society in order to sort out their emotions.

    I'm trying to understand this process more.
    Do you, as a 4, withdraw?
    How do you behave when you withdraw?
    What does it even mean to withdraw?
    What causes you to withdraw?

    I tend to keep my emotions to myself and live in a more withdrawn state in general, rather than it being something I do now and then. As an introvert I do withdraw when having been around people too much but it's not really the same thing. I usually don't have to sort out my emotions because I have a pretty good read on them. If I do it's typically more of a dispassionate, intellectual analysis, just like reflecting on something that happened to you earlier in the day.

    However, I sometimes pull back if I'm in a extremely emotionally charged situation. With something like a intense argument, the stress of it does get to me and it lingers afterwards. If I withdraw in an argument it would look like shutting down. I effectively put my hands up and say "enough", and perhaps even walk out (if that's an option) - either I can't take any more emotional information in or I just don't trust myself to behave rationally. I can't stand being in arguments that go nowhere or feeling under attack. If there's just too many emotions around, it's usually safer to leave the situation and deal with it when everyone has a clearer head. But on a deeper level I find the whole thing so spiritually overwhelming that my brain stops working and I can't even think straight; all I want to do is get out of there. I sometimes find it hard to even speak in such situations.

    I think it occurs more generally when I'm trapped in a stressful and/or vulnerable situation. I once did a limited entry post-grad course in filmmaking and this happened. The course was very demanding time-wise, mentally and creatively, and on top of that I had a lecturer in my main class that was making me miserable. She was a major bitch that basically picked on me until I had next to no self-confidence in my own abilities left. I then went into shut down mode and didn't really talk to anyone about what was happening because it was too painful to even do that. I pretty much avoided dealing with anything and spent a lot of time hiding in my room so I didn't have to even speak to my flatmates. I wasn't really trying to sort out my emotions; I was just trying to avoid adding even the slightest bit of further stress on top of the stuff I was already feeling.
    INFP 4w5 so/sp

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    they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.

    - Emily Bronte

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    I'm trying to understand this process more.
    Do you, as a 4, withdraw?
    How do you behave when you withdraw?
    What does it even mean to withdraw?
    What causes you to withdraw?

    A) I do withdraw. There is the reactive form and the reflective form. The reactive form is merely a cooling off - a heated exchange, an argument etc. has raised my anger and passions and I need to be alone to cool off and lower the reactor down to safe levels. I then return to the world and continue with my social dealings. The reflective form is more of a lifestyle change where I cut off my attachments for a time and withdraw into introversion and self-reflection in order to find answers to whichever question. This normally manifests in de-activating an FB account for instance, stop informally conversing with work colleagues during breaks etc. and in that time I can "sort myself out" and try and proceed for a time in my chosen direction for whichever need the inner world requires to be filled. I am in such a stage at the moment and am considering leaving this forum for a time as its my last social connection that occurs. Note: The reactive form can still occur during the reflective form as they aren't linked to each other.

    B) My personality stays the same but I become more distant and absent to a third party observer (presumably anyhow.) I do not feel upset and the withdrawal is purely a decision I feel I both want and need. When it no longer is desired I return again to my previous ties, perhaps after learning something new or perhaps not. I've come to see the ending of the withdrawal periods as personal failings as I lose myself to increased procrastination (but I'm not immune to it whilst withdrawn.) It's something I lack discipline in which is unfortunate.

    C) It's a subtle thing, it's like a natural movement between one object to the next. Withdrawal can suggest the idea of a reflex act of protection against outside influences but this isn't really what occurs. I cut off what is not needed, limiting myself to a spartan existence where I can search for a means of filling "the missing piece" without outside distraction. It's like I'm moving towards a singularity in a way and when I get close enough I have an answer, an insight or a suggestion not previously considered which can spur me into acting in a way which I feel will benefit me.

    D) Many different factors and variables. Usually I can be inspired to withdraw by reflecting upon the words of another or when I reflect on my life and determine that it is unsatisfactory and that means exist within me to improve the situation. My inner voice requests it with certainty and once it does then the withdrawal process begins. Usually my vision is one of eudaimonia which is believed to be achievable with the withdrawal and the time and opportunity it offers as an important part of the process. Bottom line however is if I do not want to withdraw then I will not.

  6. #6
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Do you, as a 4, withdraw?
    Yes.

    How do you behave when you withdraw?
    It's hard to distinguish this from my everyday quiet nature & need for space/alone time to just think. It's more of a conscious resistance to interacting, even if people are around. I will also deliberately isolate myself. In a visible sense, I may choose a seat or place to stand that is removed from others, withhold info about myself, and just plain not show up. I also will appear & sound more dead emotionally. This is when people accuse me of being cold & unfeeling, appearing apathetic & unmoved.

    What does it even mean to withdraw?
    You pull yourself inward. You increasingly look blank & disengaged, even if there in body. You don't reach out to people & you resist being affected by them.

    What causes you to withdraw?
    For me, it's anything overwhelming, from someone else's emotions to my own. Also, any sense of rejection, or feeling like I'm not directly wanted or noticed at all (which feels like rejection). I'll feel humiliation if I put myself out there (which looks more like a peeking of my head out to others) and I don't get a positive reception or feel an even reciprocation.

    I'm quite sure a part of me wants someone to come after me, to inquire as to why I've pulled away & assure me of my value. Another part of me finds the very idea gross; I rationally see it as immature & silly. It's not even something I was aware of in myself until recent years. I often engaged in this behavior without experiencing it as anything other than a distaste for interaction that feels draining. I will basically "test" people; if I pull away, do you care enough to reach out to me to bring me back? But I mostly experience it as "these people don't really care for me, and I have no use for them, so I will do them a favor and stay away". Interaction feels draining because I feel I have nothing to give & nothing to gain, and so it's stressful to muster anything at all.

    I also feel grossed out by my own need. I don't want to need, because I don't want to be a burden in the same way I don't want to be burdened. It's easier not to need when you keep people at arm's length and you accustom yourself to solitude, and surviving in that state is a sign you don't need, a strange comfort.

    The other thing is a major dissatisfaction with life & yourself and a feeling of helplessness to change it. This becomes so intolerable that I'd rather live in a fantasy, which is easier to do when people around you aren't constantly pulling you back into reality.

    Quote Originally Posted by Southern Kross View Post
    I tend to keep my emotions to myself and live in a more withdrawn state in general, rather than it being something I do now and then. As an introvert I do withdraw when having been around people too much but it's not really the same thing. I usually don't have to sort out my emotions because I have a pretty good read on them. If I do it's typically more of a dispassionate, intellectual analysis, just like reflecting on something that happened to you earlier in the day.
    I can relate to the part about having a good read on my emotions. I also don't have to figure out what an emotion is or what it's telling me, but I will take time to scrutinize its validity.

    Although, I can't say I am as dispassionate when ruminating on them alone. I can tend to take things to an extreme in my imagination just to explore an outcome and really weigh the validity of an emotion. I amplify first, to get the full experience, squeeze all the juice out. I want to know: how damaging is this, really? Or is this a constructive, enlightening response? Even damaging emotions bring to light things about myself & human nature... then I have to grapple with those.

    An INFP label suits me well here - "harmonizer-clarifier". I tend to seek to bring my emotions into alignment with my rational values - harmonizing them, so that I can feel correctly emotionally. Or, I may reconsider & refine my rational values if an emotion is reoccurring, because I'll take it as a serious signal that something is not right - clarifying what's important. As I anayze, emotions begin to dissipate. I can also agree with @Standuble that this can be something like a "cooling off" process too.

    When I was young, I'd purposely read or listen to or watch things that would upset me, just to see what it felt like, and I sort of enjoyed a process of determining why people are affected in certain ways, what that indicated about human nature & needs, and what is the ideal alternative. This process is messy though, and I think as a 4 you romanticize it to the point of enjoying the chaos as much as reaching any conclusion, perhaps because you feel "alive" in knowing every nook and cranny of the human condition. The amplifying part is something I have to fight not getting sucked into, and as I'm mortified by being detected as melodramatic (unless couched as tongue-in-cheek), I will avoid people until I feel contained enough.

    I will admit to being moody....and I may withdraw when in a bad mood so as not to inflict it on others. General moodiness is just kind of a general discouragement I have about a less than ideal world and my less than ideal self. I suppose there is a re-grouping going on. It's almost the emotional equivalent to resting the body. If I can shut down a bit and detach, then I will be refreshed to deal with all the emotional input I will get again when I emerge. If I'm overwhelmed, I may do this also. It's a way to conserve energy. Getting lured by the fantasy siren is a problem though; it feels like a solution, but it's not.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

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    ok well the biggest reason I ask...

    Lets say you're an E4. You go on a date with intense emotion and things are incredible. Do you withdraw after that in order to sort out your thoughts or something?

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    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
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    Is this about a guy not calling?

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    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DJ Arendee View Post
    ok well the biggest reason I ask...

    Lets say you're an E4. You go on a date with intense emotion and things are incredible. Do you withdraw after that in order to sort out your thoughts or something?
    If it's a good date, then afterwards I would enjoy some solitude for reviewing some of it, fantasizing a lot about where it could lead, and just basking in the glow of good feeling. But this is in no way a withdrawal. I am still mentally, emotionally & physically available to be engaged by the person, and probably very much hoping to be soon. A withdrawal is a pulling back, pulling in, shutting down, shutting out - this is not a response to something good. Perhaps the date was intense, but this is not "good" to me - maybe I don't want that intensity with that person at this time. Or I'm afraid I will lead them on, because I may enjoy the intensity without feeling romantic potential towards them.

    So a true withdrawal means I did not consider it to be a good date or to have future potential, or something happened to make me feel rejected. I'm going to guess this is true of most people, 4 or not: If they withdraw after a good date, then they really didn't like you as much as you thought or they think you don't like them as much as you do. OR, it has nothing to do with you, but something happened to make them put you on hold (ie. their grandma died or whatever).
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  10. #10
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I'm going to guess this is true of most people, 4 or not
    Agreed (well, excluding many extroverts, who keep wanting to "refill" their lives with new experiences). Some people just don't want to entertain romantic fantasies. I mean, they might have them, but they resist it or think better of it later. I guess this is still different than 4 though.

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