I'm trying to date an ISFP 4w3, I'm ESTP 8w9.
I hear E4's tend to do a lot of push pull. every girl I've ever dated has been this way but its never actually worked out because the whole behavior is pretty confusing to me.
Ideas? How long is this push pull crap supposed to take? When is she gonna actually open up to me and tell me about her personal interests? In the 9 months I've known her, how come she'll invite me, we get really close, flirty, touchy and cuddly, then at the end of the night she just flips and turns into a porcupine? how come she'll suddenly get really cold in our texts and not return my phone calls for weeks? How come when I'm about to give up on her and try to leave her she gets really emotional and pulls me back in? And how come she turns into a witch when things seem to be going perfectly all night?
We've never gotten physical because she's scared once I do that I'll have what i want and just leave (not the case). She used to say we were just friends, until one day I told her (paraphrased) "I'm done chasing you, you're the reason I couldn't leave Colorado, I care about you and really like you." After 2 weeks of no contact, she calls me up in tears on thanksgiving asking me, "Why do you like me!?" and how she's attracted to me and really cares about me too but can't let me go because she'll be heartbroken, but can't get in a relationship with me because I'll just lose interest eventually and look elsewhere, so i'm supposed to just sit here at arms distance and suffer in constant sexual tension and deep feelings for one another even though apparently nothing is going to happen?!!!
So is this typical E4 crap? What do I do? Should I just manipulate her and constantly pretend I'm on the verge of leaving? That seems to work but I don't really like the idea of doing that.
Over time we're getting closer and closer. Ever since I told her my feelings for her she's been WAY more open with me than before. But at the same time this is frustrating.
I think I love her, but I'm hesitant to tell her because... common wisdom sometimes says its best to keep that hidden. I once told her that "when I'm in love, I have trouble keeping it in." she responded with, "really?" *big hopeful eyes*
Most of our emotional communication is nonverbal, as an ESTP I pick up on a lot of it. some examples include: enormous owl eyes watching me from the window of the bar an entire minute straight as I cross the street to join her; sometimes when I start to feel a warmth between us she'll sit with her hands between her thighs and squeeze her legs together and lean attentively toward me smiling subtly as I talk to her; long affectionate hugs of the entire body dragging her hands off of me as we part; hands on my back and arm lightly every so often when moving around me...
Would an ISFP 4 act this affectionate around a 'friend'?