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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by senza tema View Post
    I don't have any kind of enneagram perspective for the moment but ... you've stuck around this kind of behavior for 9 months. That probably says something about you as well. You sound frustrated, yeah, but also intrigued. Is there a possibility that you actually find it attractive and it keeps you interested? She may very well be picking up on those cues from you, unconsciously or otherwise, and playing them up to keep you around.
    Yeah well she's trying to keep me around, that's obvious. I do like the challenge and the hard work. But I also have a lot of fun with her. She recently texted me and asked me to hang out with her and the rest of our group which at least says she hasn't been shunning me.

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by DJ Arendee View Post
    Yeah well she's trying to keep me around, that's obvious. I do like the challenge and the hard work. But I also have a lot of fun with her. She recently texted me and asked me to hang out with her and the rest of our group which at least says she hasn't been shunning me.
    Yeah, it can't be all stick and no carrot obviously, but would you be interested if it was all carrot and no stick? I think she's probably got a reason to worry that you'll start losing interest if she just gives in and it's not just her trust issues at work.

    What do you want from her?

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by senza tema View Post
    Yeah, it can't be all stick and no carrot obviously, but would you be interested if it was all carrot and no stick? I think she's probably got a reason to worry that you'll start losing interest if she just gives in and it's not just her trust issues at work.

    What do you want from her?
    I want a relationship.

  4. #14
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Yeah if I thought someone was just in it for the challenge I'd hate that. I'm not sure if a couple can break out of that game though once its been started because that's what they've convinced themselves the motivation of the other is. Eventually I'd want out

  5. #15
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    I could see this as a projecting situation on her part, possibly. She says she's worried that you'll lose interest and leave- maybe she's worried she'll lose interest and leave? It's pretty typical for fours to desire what can't be had and then once they get it to no longer desire and grow frustrated. It's easy to fantasize about something that could be and heighten it in your imagination (fall in love with the desire vs the reality of the relationship and the person) but once it's happened, there you are stuck staring at all the flaws of reality.

    That said, there's no way if I wanted someone that I would hold off like that. I would have them and then if I lost interest I would potentially mourn the loss of interest, but move on to someone I perceived as better, then once I moved on to someone else and realized they weren't all that great I might idealize the past lover, focus on their positives and erase their flaws and want them back. But I think that's a sexual four thing. Social and self pres fours seem to be more reticent when it comes to initiating love and attraction, but I could be wrong.

    I would like to add that none of the aforesaid behavior is what healthy fours do. This is all neurotic four ways of operating of which I'm speaking. I am a sexual four who has been in a serious relationship for a long time now and has learned a few things about my healthy vs unhealthy behaviors. I know what tempts me but I work very hard to no longer act on those temptations.

  6. #16
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    For the sake of record keeping and thread closure I guess I'll update the situation.

    I gave her a card on valentines day expressing every feeling I have for her except "I love you." She's been very open lately and revealing all sorts of information on her past and we've started connecting much more than before. We went out to dinner once, when she saw me in a leather jacket she went back to her closet to grab hers. It feels like we're a couple despite no mention of it. I rubbed her back the other day and her pupils dilated like an owl and she backed away from me. She definitely liked it but she's still keeping her distance and a little wary of intimacy. Regardless I feel like at this rate we're already a couple.

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