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  1. #11
    Senior Member Vilku's Avatar
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    @tinker683 but havent you noticed how 1w9s see and love the hidden depths of you so easily, while other enneas most likely would never see it even with a huge effort. This ease of communication also allows for each to better satisfy the others needs which also seem to come less expensive in this combo i think.
    healthiness is all about appreciating other peoples inferior function. its like the sore spot no one ever notices, but we desperately wish they did, and if you focus on doing that, youll have many friends. and also learn to appreciate your own inferior function, others wont find it stupid if you show them how cool it is.

    INTJ 4w3 Sp Sx. (i dont believe in tritype. i do believe in learning traits from others.)

    mistakes happen. expect them, and grow from them. look for them, and avoid them.

  2. #12
    Senior Member tinker683's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vilku View Post
    @tinker683 but havent you noticed how 1w9s see and love the hidden depths of you so easily, while other enneas most likely would never see it even with a huge effort. This ease of communication also allows for each to better satisfy the others needs which also seem to come less expensive in this combo i think.
    Possibly, I suppose it depends on the person. I strongly suspect my INFJ-ex was a 1w9 sp/so and there was a LOT of commonality which made her very attractive to me and me to her. The thing was, we ended up tripping over each other a lot which got really frustrating.

    I could be wrong though. I suppose it all depends on the individual 1w9. I'm not against the possibility at all, I've just found I respond to 7's and 8's very naturally
    "The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it."
    ― Woodrow Wilson

  3. #13
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    @tinker683... is it because we stalk you?
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  4. #14
    Senior Member tinker683's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    @tinker683... is it because we stalk you?
    There is that, yeah

    Also, because your natural "take charge" attitude I think fits well with my "blend in and adapt to the authority" way I do things. Type 8's are very head strong and often have a strong idea on how they want to do things and rather than resist them...Type 9's are like water, we just adapt to whatever setting you create for us

    It's a good fit I think
    "The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it."
    ― Woodrow Wilson

  5. #15
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tinker683 View Post
    There is that, yeah

    Also, because your natural "take charge" attitude I think fits well with my "blend in and adapt to the authority" way I do things. Type 8's are very head strong and often have a strong idea on how they want to do things and rather than resist them...Type 9's are like water, we just adapt to whatever setting you create for us

    It's a good fit I think
    I don't have strong ideas of how things should be!


    ... oh wait...
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  6. #16
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    Acceptance is nice, if you can manage - of yourself, others, and the world.

  7. #17
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    It's an attitude that you have to take on. You have to realize you can be better than what you are already. And you actually have everything you need, right now, to be better than you are right now; but you just aren't using what you have. 9s are all about inertia, once you find your way of making yourself better, it will just keep happening.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  8. #18
    Happy Dancer uumlau's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vilku View Post
    im baffled by my own integrations. They are always spontaneous or entp induced healing.

    One thing which launches my spontaneous integration is a huge, significant, massive mass of humans. Ah, the stimulation it provides to my empathy and i can just lose myself into feeling love for humanity.

    But once i settle back to a lesser amount of humans, this state of love is broken instantly by the first sign of dissonance.. So fragile is my integration. Such dissonance could be anyone having negative feeling untamed. And those, are very, veery common....

    Im still trying to figure another trick for integration, and how i could prolong my integration phaces. My best bet are female entp's, if i could get one as a mate.
    Black Cat's answer is right on:

    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    It's an attitude that you have to take on. You have to realize you can be better than what you are already. And you actually have everything you need, right now, to be better than you are right now; but you just aren't using what you have. 9s are all about inertia, once you find your way of making yourself better, it will just keep happening.

    Quote Originally Posted by Vilku View Post
    yeah, but i dont tend to be that secure with my desires as they change constantly. Its kinda like trying to walk somewhere blind folded, just having to hope i happen to get it right. And then when im on good path, i might suddenly get bored with it and thus its no more the right path, and by so i might keep walking into it and thus wrong direction, disintegration. And thats how i keep hopping between the two realms.

    And if im any honest with my feelings, then im pretty much annoyed by everything as there is nothing i truly desire, except soulmate and searching it too is frustrating as no results come out.

    Its like i have to manually offer everything one by one for my heart to review, like it was a god, but oh is it too inefficient.

    Im thinking, that 1w9 is prolly the soulmate match (presuming instincts and mbti type is correct already) for 9w1, anyone else thinks this way?
    You're too focused on your "needs" and NOT focused on yourself. Focusing on your needs is DISintegration. You're annoyed with everything AND you're looking for true love? No wonder you're feeling out of sorts.

    To extend Black Cat's answer, you already have true love. You just don't have your particular idealization of it. You think you don't really want anything precisely because you've realized that nothing whatsoever can live up to your ideals.

    I would strongly suggest that the reason you're having trouble "integrating" is that your ideals suck. (To be clear, his is not a personal attack on your values, but rather a functional criticism of how you naively frame your values.) You focus on everything that annoys you, and you form your values around annoyances, not around core principles. This is the path to nihilism, and is the typical type 9 disintegration path.

    You have to find within yourself and in the world around you those things that you DO value. What things are worth the annoyance, to you? Look for the beautiful in the world, but instead of being annoyed that it isn't perfectly beautiful, enjoy the beauty that it has. Yes, you should be honest about your feelings, but note that your feelings are not really you, they're just your temporary reactions. They're important to note, definitely. It's part of the path to self-knowledge. But do not mistake your feelings for your values, and do not let your feelings dictate your values. It's OK to feel the feelings and you definitely need to process them, but doing so should be in the context of evaluating yourself, and not in the context of letting your feelings define you (or define what you "really want").

    Ni-dom to Ni-dom, I know from personal experience that knowing what you really want, as opposed to what you think you really want, is a key thing to resolve. It's easy for us to chase after the things we think we want, and do so successfully and be "happy", but eventually we find that we're unhappy with whatever path it is we're on. That's because we didn't determine our true desires, our true values, but instead just fulfilled temporary needs. Some questions to ask yourself include "What do I really want?" and "Why am I dissatisfied with what I find?" The answers come from real life, not philosophical discussions or internet sites, btw. Go out and experience things. Try things that you don't think you want, or perhaps are too afraid to try, and just go do them. Maybe you enjoy a particular thing or you don't. Either way, you learn about yourself.

    Using your search for true love as an example, do you really know what true love looks like or feels like? How often do you let yourself just experience people and see how they are, as is, as opposed to putting them into some role or box that suits your purposes? There is true love out there, but the predicate for it is being truthful and honest with yourself and understanding exactly what kind of person you are (without labels of good and bad). Then you can decide what kind of person you'd like to be based on that knowledge, and become that (adopt that attitude, always being careful to not lie to yourself). Then other people will see you exactly as you are, because you let them see the real you. Some of them will like you and some won't, it's all good. And then, finally, you meet someone whom you like exactly as is (because you have no absurd ideal of how they should be) and who likes you exactly as is (because you show your real self). That's true love, and it's as easy as breathing.

    And that's the path to integration for a nine, more or less. Be yourself, be honest with yourself, and go out and enjoy the world. Step one in your case is to put your annoyances in perspective.
    An argument is two people sharing their ignorance.

    A discussion is two people sharing their understanding, even when they disagree.

  9. #19
    Senior Member Vilku's Avatar
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    ok, ill try to take what i understood of the advice, with some translation problems between the Te vs Ti realm.
    healthiness is all about appreciating other peoples inferior function. its like the sore spot no one ever notices, but we desperately wish they did, and if you focus on doing that, youll have many friends. and also learn to appreciate your own inferior function, others wont find it stupid if you show them how cool it is.

    INTJ 4w3 Sp Sx. (i dont believe in tritype. i do believe in learning traits from others.)

    mistakes happen. expect them, and grow from them. look for them, and avoid them.

  10. #20
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    I avoid where I can, integrate where I must, I think. I have a solid long term relationship with my INTP 1w9. We get along pretty well and generally enjoy each other.

    I tend to address the little annoyances of living with a partner by looking for practical solutions. We've been sharing a bedroom and a double bed for twenty years (except when we've had to share a twin bed). We've rarely had more than one bathroom. That doesn't usually bother us. We CANNOT share a computer. That causes relationship problems.

    I bought straps to hold the fitted sheet on when it annoyed me that he kept pulling the corners off in his sleep. I bought a king sized comforter when he kept rolling over and stealing the covers. When I got annoyed about him letting the trash get too full, I bought larger trash cans. Not changing lightbulbs, I bought compact fluorescents that last for years. My most recent troubleshooting purchase is a toilet seat that can't be slammed. IOW, I get rid of the annoyance while avoiding confrontation, usually at the cost of a small amount of cash.

    I do it in other areas, too. My boys do not like to sort their laundry, so I bought them dark colored underwear and black athletic socks. Now they can throw it all in together without making me look like a bad mother.

    Basically, I accept that my feelings and preferences are valid, but they aren't necessarily somebody else's problem, so I take steps to make things how I like them if I can do so without infringing on anyone else's feelings and preferences. That way I can save the big guns (confrontation) for the serious stuff.

    That might not be what you're after though. I'm forty-two, so that impacts my perspective, I think.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

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