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  1. #21
    Whisky Old & Women Young Speed Gavroche's Avatar
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    I especially love the 2s.
    EsTP 6w7 Sx/Sp

    Chaotic Neutral

    E=60% S=55% T=70% P=80%

    "I don't believe in guilt, I only believe in living on impulses"

    "Stereotypes about personality and gender turn out to be fairly accurate: ... On the binary Myers-Briggs measure, the thinking-feeling breakdown is about 30/70 for women versus 60/40 for men." ~ Bryan Caplan

  2. #22
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    I'm enneagram 6, nfp, drawn primarily to 5's, 9's, and 8's.

  3. #23
    Member RoadPaveMent's Avatar
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    I'm drawn to 9's. I appreciate their efforts in maintaining a positive, laid back atmosphere.
    EII
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    intrapersonal intelligence

  4. #24
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by winterchild View Post
    I'm enneagram 6, nfp, drawn primarily to 5's, 9's, and 8's.
    Quote Originally Posted by RoadPaveMent View Post
    I'm drawn to 9's. I appreciate their efforts in maintaining a positive, laid back atmosphere.
    Preach it, preach it!


  5. #25
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kasper View Post
    The correct answer is 9.

    For those who aren't sure.

    YW.

    Yes well, that is my choice too .

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    Tri-type 639

  6. #26
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    6w5, I think. Never really thought about it, but off the top of my head, 2 resonates.

  7. #27
    Senior Member burymecloser's Avatar
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    4.

  8. #28
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    9s. They seem relatively unperturbed by my reactivity.

    3s. Though those turn out to be dramatic friendships or relationships.

    4s. Probably because this is my heart fix.

  9. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    Wow! Scary accurate. "Wife is a 6"...most frequent marriages to 9 and 3 husbands?

    And 8s but no I'm pretty sure I couldn't marry an 8. I would probably rather light myself on fire, but that may be because I am a counterphobic 6; maybe the marriages to 8s are more likely with phobic 6s?

    I am also attracted to 5s but it never works, like they aren't demonstrative enough for me, and I'm too histrionic for them or something.

  10. #30
    So she did. small.wonder's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    Hm, okay. This being a thread asking the opinion of 6s, I was voicing my opinion - not attempting to state a fact - about my feelings on 4s. My wording was a brief summation of my emotional response and not meant to be taken as literal analysis of the type. I phrased it as "need" because all of our enneatypes describe defense mechanisms that we feel like we need to engage to feel protected. According to all I have read, 4s feel like they need to be unique to protect themselves from feeling like they are without identity and without significance. Whether conscious or not, as far as I understand, it is not a misconception that 4s think this way, since that is the definition of 4ness.

    That said, I readily admit that 4 is probably the enneatype I struggle most to understand, and I certainly have trouble seeing it from an "insider" perspective. Weird to say, since I once thought I was a 4 myself! To me it seems like the self-identified 4s I know tend to do a fair amount of attention-seeking and attempting to set themselves apart from others. Several of the 4s I know tend to have periodic personal meltdowns and be rather public about them. Many often seem to post negative and/or attention-seeking statuses on Facebook, which strike me as passive-aggressive and frustrating. I like these people to varying degrees; it's not like I harbor a particular resentment towards them for their viewpoints. I just find it difficult to understand them and to interact with them in when they are under stress given their defense mechanisms, which I feel is particularly linked to me being a 6 and one of my own defense mechanisms being to seek unity.

    What frustrates me most as a 6 is to observe a 4 push others away and then lament their "separation". A 4 I know recently posted on Facebook how she felt disappointed that no one would go with her to some event. That statement makes her the victim and accuses everyone else of not meeting her desires - but then she feels alone when people won't do things with her. Who would want to, after a statement like that? My last encounter with an ENFP 4w3 high school friend was an hour-long lecture on how people like myself treat her differently because she is queer. I'm actually bisexual, but she was hellbent on framing me as a "normal" person "outside" of queer culture. She went on to describe to me how my friends are all overachievers. As a 6 who natively seeks unity, it was infuriating to be constantly pushed away and pushed away and made into the "other", deserving of her resentment. It's not even the framing of being "one of them" that's such a big deal to me than it is that being "one of them" makes me somehow incapable in her eyes of feeling the same degree of isolation and despair. It's not fair - that ties into my next point. The 4 perspective assumes that others are lesser than the 4 because of how they supposedly cannot feel to the same extent. It deprives others of the right to individuality and depth.

    The best I can clarify given what you've said is that I don't desire everyone to be the "same" in any terms of mindless Stepford-style conformity, but I feel like to regularly frame yourself as separate, whether conscious or not, is putting yourself on a pedestal to some extent, even if it is one of notoriety and accompanied by personal shame. To me, it is a frustration of the 4 individual seeming to place their significance over the significance of anyone else, and even the significances of everyone else combined.

    A particularly emotional example of this for me was when my family and maternal cousins' family took my very elderly maternal great-aunt out for a birthday lunch, and my 4 cousin threw a fit because the restaurant we chose wasn't appealing to her. She had voiced that and we all considered it, but the restaurant was the best possible location for a whole host of reasons - mainly that it was our great-aunt's favorite - but my cousin yelled and teared up in the restaurant, explaining how no one paid attention to her and how she was unloved and an outcast - before storming outside until someone went and talked to her. That was a terribly frustrating situation to me because she seemed to see herself as so much more important than everyone else, in particular our great-aunt, a sweet, feisty little elderly lady who ended up all stressed out on her birthday because this girl couldn't just see herself as a member of the group for once, instead of an outsider. Moreover, the day became all about her, instead of about our great aunt.

    In my opinion, everyone equally deserves recognition, celebration, and appreciation of Self. I feel like an outsider too - rather often, in fact. Contraflow sx/so guarantees that. But it would be unfair of me to always frame myself as the one separate person. That perspective robs others of their ability to feel meaningful, it robs the group its ability to shine the spotlight on another individual, and it robs the perceiver themself the ability to ever just let go and trust that they truly are significant. In humbling themselves to an equal level, 4s can reap the positive benefits of truly being significant, instead of living off a crude and faltering facsimile.

    However, I do recognize that it is a personal weakness that I find it difficult to deal with people's individual wounds in a larger context. I admire those who can reconcile that sort of situation - which, perhaps, is part of why I am especially drawn to 9s and 2s.
    I've bolded everything that I was absolutely guilty of as an immature, unhealthy 4. I totally get why someone would be confused, frustrated and hurt by this behavior. That being said, all of those behaviors apply only to unhealthy 4's. Just like an unhealthy 4, an unhealthy 6, 7, 2, etc. can be equally as confusing, frustrating and hurtful. I just hope that everyone would really keep health in mind when making generalized statements (or reaching generalized conclusions) about any of the types.

    I'm surprised actually that the OP question wouldn't be answered with a relatively healthy individual in mind (instead of the unhealthy one you described here). I wouldn't be attracted to an unhealthy 4 either, but what about a healthy 4? Or 8 even, that was another type that was mostly portrayed here in it's unhealthy form.

    Just a thought.
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