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  1. #11
    insert random title here Randomnity's Avatar
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    I don't really have a preferred enneatype. I tend to like people who are more similar to me, I guess, but at least theoretically they could have very different enneatypes.

    I tend to dislike very high-strung/emotional/uptight/angry people and much prefer calm people, but I'm not sure this really correlates with type.
    -end of thread-

  2. #12
    Blah Orangey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    Are you sure you are a 6?
    Are you sure you're a 6?
    Artes, Scientia, Veritasiness

  3. #13
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Orangey View Post
    Are you sure you're a 6?
    Yes I am actually. I thought I was an 8 but was professionally tested and it turns out counter-phobic 6 appears to be a better match.

    The reason I ask is that the types you appear to be drawn to don't match up with some of the statistics.

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  4. #14
    Blah Orangey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    Yes I am actually. I thought I was an 8 but was professionally tested and it turns out counter-phobic 6 appears to be a better match.

    The reason I ask is that the types you appear to be drawn to don't match up with some of the statistics.
    What statistics?
    Artes, Scientia, Veritasiness

  5. #15
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Orangey View Post
    What statistics?
    How about these:

    http://www.9types.com/writeup/enneagram_marriages.html

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    Tri-type 639

  6. #16
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    If you're close friends with any Ones, is this something that resonates with you? Something that's a big enough problem to need a fix of some kind? Or something that the One's friends just need to put up with?
    I wish I could help more, but I'm not really close with any 1s right now. The best I can do is to reflect on my old boss and my grandma, who I believe to be a 1w2. With both of them - and I believe both of them are SJs - it was most evident in their daily nitpicks. My boss had a thing for the dang doorstop being in the "right" place, and my grandma is pretty specific about where things should go, how to do certain procedures, etc. I have fuzzy memory on most of my grandma's specifics, and I could never really figure out the perfect doorstep alignment. Unfortunately it seems like the NFP mind is particularly poorly-suited to these things. I think my feelings would generally vacillate between gentle amusement, slight guilt, minor frustration, and finally pondering why the heck the "right thing" is (this) instead of (that). I think the biggest issue for me was dealing with the standards when I was under stress. Most of the time, it's no problem, and I think the 1 standards are useful in helping everyone - so no, no big fixes, unless you're getting a significant amount of negative feedback about a particular thing. However, if I'm stressed already, then it would be really appreciated for a 1 to kind of suspend the standards for me for a bit, and to just try to be a little gentler around me in general about the "rightness" of things. And if there's something that really needs to be changed, a specific tasklist with blatant directions ("hey would you help me out with this?") is much preferable to intermittent reminders ("hey did you remember what I asked?").

    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    4s don't "need" to be different, and certainly don't try to be (rather, it's often painful & alienating & envy is directed at those who appear effortlessly "normal"), but this is a common misconception.
    Hm, okay. This being a thread asking the opinion of 6s, I was voicing my opinion - not attempting to state a fact - about my feelings on 4s. My wording was a brief summation of my emotional response and not meant to be taken as literal analysis of the type. I phrased it as "need" because all of our enneatypes describe defense mechanisms that we feel like we need to engage to feel protected. According to all I have read, 4s feel like they need to be unique to protect themselves from feeling like they are without identity and without significance. Whether conscious or not, as far as I understand, it is not a misconception that 4s think this way, since that is the definition of 4ness.

    That said, I readily admit that 4 is probably the enneatype I struggle most to understand, and I certainly have trouble seeing it from an "insider" perspective. Weird to say, since I once thought I was a 4 myself! To me it seems like the self-identified 4s I know tend to do a fair amount of attention-seeking and attempting to set themselves apart from others. Several of the 4s I know tend to have periodic personal meltdowns and be rather public about them. Many often seem to post negative and/or attention-seeking statuses on Facebook, which strike me as passive-aggressive and frustrating. I like these people to varying degrees; it's not like I harbor a particular resentment towards them for their viewpoints. I just find it difficult to understand them and to interact with them in when they are under stress given their defense mechanisms, which I feel is particularly linked to me being a 6 and one of my own defense mechanisms being to seek unity.

    What frustrates me most as a 6 is to observe a 4 push others away and then lament their "separation". A 4 I know recently posted on Facebook how she felt disappointed that no one would go with her to some event. That statement makes her the victim and accuses everyone else of not meeting her desires - but then she feels alone when people won't do things with her. Who would want to, after a statement like that? My last encounter with an ENFP 4w3 high school friend was an hour-long lecture on how people like myself treat her differently because she is queer. I'm actually bisexual, but she was hellbent on framing me as a "normal" person "outside" of queer culture. She went on to describe to me how my friends are all overachievers. As a 6 who natively seeks unity, it was infuriating to be constantly pushed away and pushed away and made into the "other", deserving of her resentment. It's not even the framing of being "one of them" that's such a big deal to me than it is that being "one of them" makes me somehow incapable in her eyes of feeling the same degree of isolation and despair. It's not fair - that ties into my next point. The 4 perspective assumes that others are lesser than the 4 because of how they supposedly cannot feel to the same extent. It deprives others of the right to individuality and depth.

    I'm not sure why everyone must be the "same" to be on equal levels though... but that's another topic.
    The best I can clarify given what you've said is that I don't desire everyone to be the "same" in any terms of mindless Stepford-style conformity, but I feel like to regularly frame yourself as separate, whether conscious or not, is putting yourself on a pedestal to some extent, even if it is one of notoriety and accompanied by personal shame. To me, it is a frustration of the 4 individual seeming to place their significance over the significance of anyone else, and even the significances of everyone else combined.

    A particularly emotional example of this for me was when my family and maternal cousins' family took my very elderly maternal great-aunt out for a birthday lunch, and my 4 cousin threw a fit because the restaurant we chose wasn't appealing to her. She had voiced that and we all considered it, but the restaurant was the best possible location for a whole host of reasons - mainly that it was our great-aunt's favorite - but my cousin yelled and teared up in the restaurant, explaining how no one paid attention to her and how she was unloved and an outcast - before storming outside until someone went and talked to her. That was a terribly frustrating situation to me because she seemed to see herself as so much more important than everyone else, in particular our great-aunt, a sweet, feisty little elderly lady who ended up all stressed out on her birthday because this girl couldn't just see herself as a member of the group for once, instead of an outsider. Moreover, the day became all about her, instead of about our great aunt.

    In my opinion, everyone equally deserves recognition, celebration, and appreciation of Self. I feel like an outsider too - rather often, in fact. Contraflow sx/so guarantees that. But it would be unfair of me to always frame myself as the one separate person. That perspective robs others of their ability to feel meaningful, it robs the group its ability to shine the spotlight on another individual, and it robs the perceiver themself the ability to ever just let go and trust that they truly are significant. In humbling themselves to an equal level, 4s can reap the positive benefits of truly being significant, instead of living off a crude and faltering facsimile.

    However, I do recognize that it is a personal weakness that I find it difficult to deal with people's individual wounds in a larger context. I admire those who can reconcile that sort of situation - which, perhaps, is part of why I am especially drawn to 9s and 2s.
    Last edited by skylights; 11-28-2012 at 01:22 PM.

  7. #17
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    The best I can do is to reflect on my old boss and my grandma, who I believe to be a 1w2. With both of them - and I believe both of them are SJs - it was most evident in their daily nitpicks. My boss had a thing for the dang doorstop being in the "right" place, and my grandma is pretty specific about where things should go, how to do certain procedures, etc.
    I have gotten a little frustrated with 1s - specifically SJs in that they can miss the big picture and be very difficult to influence. I know one well at work and she is great but she can't seem to understand how her behavior can be counterproductive at times. Other people have a bigger problem with it than I do. It comes out as a sort of "anal-ness" about stupid things and causes conflict with others and limits her opportunities for growth. On the other hand, there are 1s - @fidelia is an example - that I completely gel with so MBTI type (e.g. Ni dom in common) is IMO an influence.

    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post

    That said, I readily admit that 4 is probably the enneatype I struggle most to understand, and I certainly have trouble seeing it from an "insider" perspective. Weird to say, since I once thought I was a 4 myself! To me it seems like the self-identified 4s I know tend to do a fair amount of attention-seeking and attempting to set themselves apart from others. Several of the 4s I know tend to have periodic personal meltdowns and be rather public about them. Many often seem to post negative and/or attention-seeking statuses on Facebook, which strike me as passive-aggressive and frustrating. I like these people to varying degrees; it's not like I harbor a particular resentment towards them for their viewpoints. I just find it difficult to understand them and to interact with them in when they are under stress given their defense mechanisms, which I feel is particularly linked to me being a 6 and one of my own defense mechanisms being to seek unity.

    What frustrates me most as a 6 is to observe a 4 push others away and then lament their "separation". A 4 I know recently posted on Facebook how she felt disappointed that no one would go with her to some event. That statement makes her the victim and accuses everyone else of not meeting her desires - but then she feels alone when people won't do things with her. Who would want to, after a statement like that? My last encounter with an ENFP 4w3 high school friend was an hour-long lecture on how people like myself treat her differently because she is queer. I'm actually bisexual, but she was hellbent on framing me as a "normal" person "outside" of queer culture. She went on to describe to me how my friends are all overachievers. As a 6 who natively seeks unity, it was infuriating to be constantly pushed away and pushed away and made into the "other", deserving of her resentment. It's not even the framing of being "one of them" that's such a big deal to me than it is that being "one of them" makes me somehow incapable in her eyes of feeling the same degree of isolation and despair. It's not fair - that ties into my next point. The 4 perspective assumes that others are lesser than the 4 because of how they supposedly cannot feel to the same extent. It deprives others of the right to individuality and depth.
    Bolded parts, I agree with or understand completely. I guess I just get really confused at how to interact with them at times because they won't engage.

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  8. #18
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    The correct answer is 9.

    For those who aren't sure.

    YW.


  9. #19
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    I think that in theory, types 9 and 1 would be the ones I'd most likely be attracted to, and possibly 8. (Although 8 sounds a bit scary too, somehow. I think he'd have to be VERY "healthy".)

    But I'm not sure it has worked that way in practice. I'd have to analyze a bit more. I've thought more about the MBTI types of people I've dated or been attracted to.

    As boring as it sounds, I really like people who make me feel safe (and not that many people do). I guess that's pretty 6-ish!
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  10. #20
    Klingon Warrior Princess Patches's Avatar
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    I find that I'm very, very drawn to 5's more often than any other type.
    “Everybody has a secret world inside of them. All of the people of the world, I mean everybody. No matter how dull and boring they are on the outside, inside
    them they've all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds. Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands maybe.” -Neil Gaiman

    ~

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