[Other/Multiple Enneatypes] Tell me about your anger.

[DiscoBiscuit]

It's like an ocean of lava under a stone floor.

Yea it keeps the house warm, but it could also destroy the neighborhood.

 

[Nijntje]

I honestly have no idea what to do with anger. I'm horrible at expressing it, and when i am actually able to, it tends to come out in a directionless wave of incoherence.

Also, i think im probably a 9w1 rather than a 5w4.

 

[kyuuei]

I struggle with anger a lot. I have a love, and a hate, for it.

There is a part of me that knows that my anger is one of my major driving forces in life. It is what kicks up the things that make me great. Anger is what gets me over my fears and puts capability into my hands. It is anger that fuels and drives me to stand up for myself and not be pushed around. Anger is one of the more passionate things about me. I appreciate it in myself, and others, when displayed.

There is another part of me, though, that feels like I need to control that passion as much as possible. Flying off the handle, letting people manipulate that anger, and allowing it to consume other aspects of my life drives me insane. I can't stand it. I hold my tongue, sometimes too much, in the attempt to find a cool, crisp balance between the anger that I love about myself, and the anger that sometimes makes me wish I had thought twice before speaking and acting. I avoid being angry as much as possible in my daily life, because I know being angry in general doesn't accomplish the amazing things I listed above.

On the more shallow side of things..

I get irritated very easily at things, and a lot of little things happening all at once will build up a grumpy, snappy attitude. But I forget those things just as quickly, and almost anything to break that anger will make it subside, and soon I won't remember what the person did or the event that took place that angered me at all.

 

[Fidelia]

That's obvious. Her INFJ type is shown below her avatar.

Why did you feel the need to state the already obvious?

Not every INFJ places the same emphasis on Fe. Highlander and I also have talked a lot about Fe vs Fi in various threads where it's come up.

Why do you feel the need to make a big deal out of it? (Sincere question)

 

[highlander]

That's obvious. Her INFJ type is shown below her avatar.

Why did you feel the need to state the already obvious?

It's a simple observation. I know Fidelia (maybe a fair bit better than you?). I thought it was interesting. Provides further validation and evidence of the system and how it works. What is the purpose of you questioning the purpose of my post?

 

[Istbkleta]

Thanks.

I was curious. It seemed unusual to me. Didn't know you had a history.

 

[Savitri]

My anger is a bit like Verdi Dies Irae Solti and Carl Orff O Fortuna from Carmina Burana combined. It's loud, direct, all encompassing, and dignified. If I allow anger to manifest, it usually means I've actively decided the subject deserved it.

Only in maturity did I learn and acknowledge that my anger was to be reigned in and controlled.

 

[figsfiggyfigs]

I'm a very angry person. It just eats at me. I constantly feel like breaking something or someone, and when there is reason to make it worse, I get so angry that I start tearing up from rage. It's really annoying.

It used to be much worse when i was younger. When I got in an argument or about to get into a physical fight, I'd get tunnel vision(everythin else would just go black), get really light headed, and would have a hard time remembering anything I said. Rarely happens to that extent now. Although every nownand them people tell me I said things I don't remember saying.


I suspect I'll die from a heart attack one day and it will likely be because someone skipped a line, litered, or something stupid like that

 

[Ginkgo]

I have some anger but I diffuse it when I feel it because I'd rather it not control me. The closest I typically come to prolonged anger is a feeling of being driven, which sometimes comes out in behaviors that I later regret. Anger is the consequence of failing to develop a coping strategy when I'm in a bind.

 

[Kasper]

Reading the 8s view of their anger is 1 part intriguing, 1 part respectable, 17 parts scary as hell!

 

[Fidelia]

Where's all the 8 anger come from? Do they just respond differently to the same events because they are wired differently or is it that they attract/are drawn to stuff that angers them because of interaction style etc? Seems to be a pretty standard mode. Is it a way of ensuring that things get done?

For me, I find that anger actually inhibits me from getting on with the solution to the problem. I find anger itself very distracting as I have to figure out where it is coming from, whether my feelings and response are reasonable, lasting/transient and then pick a course of action to deal with the anger before I can get on with the problem solving.

However, I've noticed that some type 8s actually use it as a motivating factor to take action so they can feel better and it has a kind of propelling effect.

 

[Kayness]

I'm a very angry person. It just eats at me. I constantly feel like breaking something or someone, and when there is reason to make it worse, I get so angry that I start tearing up from rage. It's really annoying.

I've had moments like that.

 

[EJCC]

If anger is a scale between mildly annoyed and HULK SMASH, then I'm on that scale all the time. It's probably there, simmering, even when I don't notice it.

I try not to let it out unless it's justified, because when I do let it out, I get a very negative and/or awkward reaction from people around: either they're too bewildered to act, or they think I'm overreacting and are judging me for it. Also, if you're in the middle of a crisis, venting will not help you, but channeling your anger into solving the problem probably will help you -- as long as you keep a leash on it and don't let it out of your sight.

In other words...

It's like an ocean of lava under a stone floor.

Yea it keeps the house warm, but it could also destroy the neighborhood.

^ This.

What's the line from X-Men: First Class? Something like, "True focus lies somewhere between rage and serenity"?

Edit:

For me, I find that anger actually inhibits me from getting on with the solution to the problem. I find anger itself very distracting as I have to figure out where it is coming from, whether my feelings and response are reasonable, lasting/transient and then pick a course of action to deal with the anger before I can get on with the problem solving.

Interesting. I actually relate more to the ENTJ Eights than I do to this, as a 1w2 (like you). Maybe it has something to do with MBTI? I've found that regardless of Enneagram, Te dominant/secondary people are much more accepting of anger than Fe dominant/secondary people are -- whereas the Te folks aren't as accepting of sadness as Fe folks. (If the emotion in question was sadness, I'd be doing literally the exact same thing you're describing: analyzing it and trying to figure out why it's there, so I can get rid of it -- and withdrawing into myself until the internal problem is solved.)

 

[ms.behaving]

My anger is like the "quiet game" where the important part is to keep from laughing.

 

[Fidelia]

EJCC - That's a really interesting observation. It had never occurred to me before, but that seems bang on. I don't enjoy wallowing in sadness, but neither am I in a hurry to get it dealt with in the same way I am with anger. I would say that's the emotion that is more likely to be around all the time in some form. I'm not sure if all Fe dominant/aux people are like that, but I know my ENFJ mother is too.

 

[DiscoBiscuit]

 

[Savitri]

If anger is a scale between mildly annoyed and HULK SMASH, then I'm on that scale all the time. It's probably there, simmering, even when I don't notice it.

I try not to let it out unless it's justified, because when I do let it out, I get a very negative and/or awkward reaction from people around: either they're too bewildered to act, or they think I'm overreacting and are judging me for it. Also, if you're in the middle of a crisis, venting will not help you, but channeling your anger into solving the problem probably will help you -- as long as you keep a leash on it and don't let it out of your sight.

I hear that from type 1 Te-users a lot. Heck, I'm the same, anger beats wallowing in sadness. Sadness increases my anger and makes me focus. lol

I want to ask, do some people perceive "mildly annoyed" as anger from your experience?

 

[EJCC]

EJCC - That's a really interesting observation. It had never occurred to me before, but that seems bang on. I don't enjoy wallowing in sadness, but neither am I in a hurry to get it dealt with in the same way I am with anger. I would say that's the emotion that is more likely to be around all the time in some form. I'm not sure if all Fe dominant/aux people are like that, but I know my ENFJ mother is too.

Huh. That's a little bit contrary to what my understanding of Ones had been.
Do you think you're often angry/irritated, but just don't validate it like Te-using Ones do? Maybe in a sense, you repress it even more?

Dammit I keep relating perfectly to everything you post!

Maybe I need to revoke my 1 membership.

I hear that from type 1 Te-users a lot. Heck, I'm the same, anger beats wallowing in sadness. Sadness increases my anger and makes me focus. lol

Sadness just makes me want to sit around and wallow in self-pity. But anger? Anger is the fire under my ass, when something needs to get done.

I want to ask, do some people perceive "mildly annoyed" as anger from your experience?

Sometimes I misinterpret my own anger as being annoyance, and other people end up reading my own anger better than I do. But yeah, I think sometimes they do react that way -- because when I'm mildly annoyed about something, I tend to flamboyantly complain about it as a conversation starter, comic relief, and a good story to tell. But if you didn't know me, you might think that I was easily angered by very small things, when, in truth, the angrier I am about something, the less likely I am to talk about it.

Edit: My moments of expressing my anger are usually very short -- and I've noticed that after those outbursts, people around me (even friends!) watch me warily, because they didn't see the outburst coming initially, so they don't know when the next one will show up, if it will at all. (Maybe this is just with my NFJ friends; they're so used to being able to perfectly read people that when people throw them off, they get confused. )

 

[DiscoBiscuit]

Dammit I keep relating perfectly to everything you post!

I think that's kind of the way we are (gut centers). Our anger with the state of the world and others in it fuels our desire to make a better one.

 

[EJCC]

I think that's kind of the way we are (gut centers). Our anger with the state of the world and others in it fuels our desire to make a better one.

Indeed.

+1