[Other/Multiple Enneatypes] Tell me about your anger.

[entropie]

 

[Kayness]

well just when i was about to come to terms with the emotion...

 

[Trunks]

feh! everytime I get mad or angry, my two younger brothers will laughed at me and teased me. Darn it!

 

[Kayness]

feh! everytime I get mad or angry, my two younger brothers will laughed at me and teased me. Darn it!

urpf that seems a bit harsh. do you know why they'd do this?

 

[Viridian]

(Not sure if I'm a gut or a head type.)

I suppress quite a lot of anger and criticism, partly because I want to behave like a mature person (to the extent that I can) and not just throw temper tantrums whenever I please, but mostly because I fear being wrong and having to eat crow and withstand the shame and humilitation of apologizing for an outburst. As a result, I can sublimate it into self-berating, fidgetiness, exhasperation, resentment, envy, dissociation, aloofness and general stickupmyassery.

End result:

 

[Kayness]

(Not sure if I'm a gut or a head type.)

I suppress quite a lot of anger and criticism, partly because I want to behave like a mature person (to the extent that I can) and not just throw temper tantrums whenever I please, but mostly because I fear being wrong and having to eat crow and withstand the shame and humilitation of apologizing for an outburst. As a result, I can sublimate it into self-berating, fidgetiness, exhasperation, resentment, envy, dissociation, aloofness and general stickupmyassery.

End result:

you know I used to think anger = explosive temper tantrums/ making a scene/ shouting/yelling and unpleasant stuff like that but I realized that it can take other forms. All those stuff that you mentioned are also forms of anger.

I think at some point when I realized that just because I don't show anger in the conventionally understood sense of the word doesn't make it go away, which makes me realize that I have to deal with it because it's going to be there whether I like it or not UNTIL I deal with it...which is like yeeech. yeah.

 

[sprinkles]

I'm actually really laid back except for certain irritating things where people just don't know when to quit. Where things end up repeated or brought up again.

There's a couple topics which have achieved this status forever as well. I'm pretty much permanently irritated about them. I like to give people plenty of chances but it seems that in some regards they just never change and the way things will go are always predictable so it's kinda like "You know what, I'm sick of you doing this perpetually and I'm never going to be un-sick of it so you better fucking give it up or I will murder you."

 

[Fidelia]

I usually am aware of anger being present when it is, but often underestimate how bothered I am by it until the dam breaks in some way. I don't really give in to big scenes, but even internally it bothers me to feel that kind of anger welling up (at the same time as it is scarily satisfying!). I really don't like displaying out of control emotions in front of people, so have occasionally been embarrassed by anger or resentment coming out in tears when I didn't realize just how upset I actually was.

I'm pretty good at talking myself out of temporary bursts of anger because my emotions are fairly transient. I don't really set a lot of store by them other than as indicators suggesting what I might need to take a look at or be aware of. On the other hand, if the irritating issue is not addressed in some way, just avoiding the outburst does not mean the anger is gone. Sometimes I just have a hard time deciding at what point it's time to make a big deal out of something that's bothering me. Probably as I've gotten older, I've learned to appreciate that conflict isn't always bad and also that the world won't end if people are upset at me or if I disagree with them.

There have only been a few times in my life that I actually fantasized about truly hurting someone when I was angry or that I got overwhelmingly feeling emotionally not in control (and I didn't act on them). I was really surprised to realize I had that in me. In retrospect, I see that I was living in very stressful conditions and it was an anger that was not all about the incident in question, but rather was a build up of situations over a period of months/years in which I was helpless to change the outcome, yet still needed to regularly be a part of to live where I did and to do my job.

I'm more likely to look for points of commonality, rather than points of tension or difference with other people. Mostly if I do express anger, it is because I have reached a point where I no longer care about what the other person thinks, or else I value the relationship so much that I am willing to risk the ensuing badness if I can not see any way of accommodating the other person further and I cannot go on in the present way with them. I think most of my anger is expressed only with the intent of it somehow changing the outcome, not just doing it for the sake of doing it.

Probably I need to learn to talk sooner about things that bother me, but I really want to be seen as a reasonable and not overly sensitive, dramatic person whom others then can't respect or take seriously.

 

[highlander]

Mostly if I do express anger, it is because I have reached a point where I no longer care about what the other person thinks, or else I value the relationship so much that I am willing to risk the ensuing badness if I can not see any way of accommodating the other person further and I cannot go on in the present way with them. I think most of my anger is expressed only with the intent of it somehow changing the outcome, not just doing it for the sake of doing it.

That sounds very Fe.

 

[Pseudo]

It's very controlled.

 

[Istbkleta]

That sounds very Fe.

What's the purpose of this post?

 

[highlander]

What's the purpose of this post?

The purpose is to comment on how anger manifests in someone who prefers Fe as an auxiliary function.

 

[greenfairy]

I'm actually really laid back except for certain irritating things where people just don't know when to quit. Where things end up repeated or brought up again.

There's a couple topics which have achieved this status forever as well. I'm pretty much permanently irritated about them. I like to give people plenty of chances but it seems that in some regards they just never change and the way things will go are always predictable so it's kinda like "You know what, I'm sick of you doing this perpetually and I'm never going to be un-sick of it so you better fucking give it up or I will murder you."

I identify with this.

Also with what fidelia said.

 

[greenfairy]

I think people have seen me angry on this site way too much.

When I get angry it's because of frustration, or because I feel people have overstepped boundaries. I'm always trying to improve my communication skills, including nonverbal and listening (and unfortunately I still suck at it sometimes); I try to clear things up before they become conflicts. When they do it's usually because communication has broken down, or I try to set boundaries and people keep stepping over them. Then I become like an aggressive lawyer and don't care how people feel about it. I don't ever say things just to be mean; I just say what I think and what I think needs to happen. I also get angry when people I care about are treated badly.

I don't know what functions this looks like. (I was thinking Ti-Fe, but I could be totally wrong.)

 

[Burger King]

I don't know what functions this looks like. (I was thinking Ti-Fe, but I could be totally wrong.)

I think it's the FU function you have listed.

 

[greenfairy]

I think it's the FU function you have listed.

Ah yes, that would be it.

 

[Kasper]

99% of the time I won't express anger to others, partly because I doubt that I have a right to as all other pov's are valid, partly because I perceive it leading to conflict and separation, and partly because in the path of least exertion ignoring is easiest. It's still there though, sometimes seething sometimes suppressed, and I am becoming more and more aware of it, the hardest thing for me is finding the appropriate time and way of expressing it as I don't want it to come out as passive-aggressiveness as nothing will be resolved and more problems will be caused, plus it's not something I respect in others so I don't want to do that myself. To not ignore it, yet not push it on others with aggression. To be able to notice and feel the anger then use my normal diplomacy to express what isn't okay for me in a way that makes other's listen without dismissing. Mostly: to do it in a way that doesn't create more anger within myself. The first step is accepting that I have a right to be angry and express it.

Work in progress.

(Not sure if I'm a gut or a head type.)

I suppress quite a lot of anger and criticism, partly because I want to behave like a mature person (to the extent that I can) and not just throw temper tantrums whenever I please, but mostly because I fear being wrong and having to eat crow and withstand the shame and humilitation of apologizing for an outburst. As a result, I can sublimate it into self-berating, fidgetiness, exhasperation, resentment, envy, dissociation, aloofness and general stickupmyassery.

The way you've expressed it there sounds more 6 than 9 to me, fear of being wrong is a 6 way of putting it, their doubt is over the other side being right, 9s don't fear being wrong so much as they see all options as potentially right and have trouble weighting them, so they're not going to be wrong, neither is an opposing view, however they may be disregarded and will typically grant another view too much credence, that's where 9 doubt lies, so they don't have a stance.

 

[Halla74]

I embraced anger long ago.
With an ESTJ, Type-A hostile U.S. Army Colonel for a Father, you learn to stand your ground under intense scrutiny, take a walloping when you really mess up, and accept anger as a natural response to the difference in your expected outcome and the actual outcome of a given siuation.

A former psychologist and good friend of mine said the following:

"To passive people, anger can be the fuel that launches them past passivity, and lands them in the realm of assertiveness - where they are able to express their side of the situation, and handle it as best they can."

He also said, "Sometimes passive people learning to use anger as fuel "overshoot" the realm of ASSERTIVENESS, and wind up expression AGGRESSION."

What's the remedy for improving one's aim?

PRACTICE.

If something compromises my principles or occurs before me and is simply wrong and horrid, that adrenaline flush, that ANGER that courses through my veins is equivalent to ADDERALL in that it completely focuses me on the situation, and what the most proboable best outcomes are given what I know of the scene, and what I know I can do to affect my environment, I am re-assessing that option set several times per second as each new piece of sensory information presents itself. I also know the effect other people if it comes to that; but that is a last resort.

It is not RAGE that I am describing; I am trying to state that it is possible to re-direct one's anger toward a solution to the stressor that triggered it in a productive manner.

No one who wants to have a life where they are free to be themselves, and content in their own inner happiness can pretend that embracing anger, and channeling it through their other senses, while anchoring it in their values and principles can do so if they simply choose to never master this emotion and its integrations with rest of their psyche.

I hope what I wrote above was helpful in some way.



-Alex of Halla74

 

[Istbkleta]

The purpose is to comment on how anger manifests in someone who prefers Fe as an auxiliary function.

That's obvious. Her INFJ type is shown below her avatar.

Why did you feel the need to state the already obvious?

 

[Viridian]

The way you've expressed it there sounds more 6 than 9 to me, fear of being wrong is a 6 way of putting it, their doubt is over the other side being right, 9s don't fear being wrong so much as they see all options as potentially right and have trouble weighting them, so they're not going to be wrong, neither is an opposing view, however they may be disregarded and will typically grant another view too much credence, that's where 9 doubt lies, so they don't have a stance.

Oooh, thanks for the feedback!

Not sure how much of it is influenced by my college education, though... It generally makes me feel all like: