I'm a very angry person. It just eats at me. I constantly feel like breaking something or someone, and when there is reason to make it worse, I get so angry that I start tearing up from rage. It's really annoying.
Hmm, people think my angry rants are hilarious. I used to yell a lot as a kid but anytime I asserted myself my father would ground me . I took Tae Kwon Do to help manage my anger issues. I used to beat up my brother when he didn't want to play with me. I never did anything super damaging to him but I'd put him in choke holds just to scare him and make him cry, etc. It helped a lot to have an outlet in Martial Arts. I went through the military, which was a miserable experience and brought me to a point in my life where I was so angry I no longer felt it and was driving people off the side of the road going 130mph one evening. I'm at the point in my life now, where anytime I get angry I take a huge step back and try to dissipate or cure the anger because it seems like anger has only made my life worse as people are often reactive around me simply off my demeanor and not my actions. Most of my room mates in the last year have been hippy/tree hugger/naive feeler types who are very soothing to be with and innocent. My biggest problem is that I can't hide or conceal when I'm pissed off. I'll keep my mouth shut, I'll avoid eye contact, but everyone in the room is affected by it, the energy in the room just seems to slow down. Its like I'm the unfortunate volume control to the room's emotional atmosphere. If I'm happy or in love or something, suddenly everyone around me is feeling fantastic as well. It sucks having this kind of responsibility.
Then again there are times when my explosive energy needs to be spent.
I have trouble expressing anger because I don't want to get into emotional spats. I took up the habit of forcing my repressed resentment into bitter tears at a young age, and I'm still a lot more inclined to cry hysterically than express anger, even when I'm really just pissed off.
I tend to spend a lot of my life in quiet outrage against general things, like stupid social constructs, rather than specific things, like individuals who are basing their actions on them. In this way I'll get through the frustration of dealing with people over a long day at uni by focusing on the stupid things about the world that brought about the way they annoy me, and if I joke about wanting to do something horrible to someone who got on my nerves, I don't mean I'd ever do anything to an individual, although the venom in my words is very real. This compromise is working for me.
I try to make my outrage useful, by staying focused on the ways things could be improved and doing my best to make my part of the world more harmonious with my ideal world.
I'm a little nervous of the black rage that I repress at individuals though. The time my partner confessed to cheating on me, I can't really describe the intense, focused fury I felt, and for probably the first and last time in my life, I lashed out with violent hate. I only kicked him in the shin, but the feeling of totally righteous pain infliction startled me after the fact. I don't like that impulses like that are inside me, however extreme a situation has to be to bring them out.
What anger? [hum, hum, twiddle, twiddle] Just kidding.
When I get angry I DO something and I get militant [start to look like Hitler, it's not a pretty sight]. Good thing it only happens about once every 5 years.
A student said to his master: "You teach me fighting, but you talk about peace. How do you reconcile the two?" The master replied: "It is better to be a warrior in a garden than to be a gardener in a war." - unknown/Chinese