[Other/Multiple Enneatypes] 1 & 8 Relationships

[Savitri]

Does anyone have any anecdotes to share regarding this partnership?

Partnership can be anything from friendship, colleagues, and/or romantic. If you wish to discuss it theoretically, feel free to do so.

 

[Kayness]

I bet the interactions would be interesting, but not something a Nine like me would want to be within 50 yards of.
Hypothetically speaking, of course.

 

[Savitri]

I bet the interactions would be interesting, but not something a Nine like me would want to be within 50 yards of.
Hypothetically speaking, of course.

Why is that? Do you think perhaps it would be negative?

 

[Kayness]

Why is that? Do you think perhaps it would be negative?

only if they strongly disagree about something.

I imagine both types to be very strong willed and vocal about what they believe in. I imagine a lot of relentlessness in both parties which leads to some sort of a stalemate.

I think, however, that things are always a lot worse in my own mind than in reality.

 

[Savitri]

only if they strongly disagree about something.

I imagine both types to be very strong willed and vocal about what they believe in. I imagine a lot of relentlessness in both parties which leads to some sort of a stalemate.

I think, however, that things are always a lot worse in my own mind than in reality.

Ahh, I see. I've always assumed negativity in all disagreements. It's when people's deeply set passions collide against each other that I feel the individual is raw and ever present. Hence, I feel that (only sometimes when both are being honest with what they think/feel) is a good thing. It is only in the early stages that seem negative because fear is present, fear that perhaps one's reality may shatter, crumble beneath their feet. A decision must be made, will one stand on what one believes in or will one decide to change. And I think that testing of Will is positive and attractive.

But perhaps I am attracted to this because too often I find things too trivial for my care. And often, what I think is very different from how I feel. And what I feel is often raw and sits just below the surface of deliberate logic. I find type 8s to be the most resolute of both how they think and feel. I speculate that perhaps this type would be the only type that can break the divide I have or at least come close to testing its integrity. lol

 

[acronach]

im just gonna be a major 5 here and post theoretical knowledge in place of practical knowledge :3

http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/members/1and8.asp

 

[Savitri]

im just gonna be a major 5 here and post theoretical knowledge in place of practical knowledge :3

http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/members/1and8.asp

That article is a common source to those who study enneagram. I was looking for anecdotes or less common articles to compare with popular perceptions of the type relations.

 

[sulfit]

1w2s get along better with 8s than 1w9s. That is all I know.

 

[Fidelia]

I'm not great at enneagram typing. However, I believe I dated an 8 (and I think I'm a 1w2). I think I probably initally seem a lot more pliable than I really am. I'm not terribly vocal in the moment, but if it's over an issue that I feel strongly about, I can be. I think that was a problem in some ways, as it was unexpected, particularly for a person who was used to being quite definite and in the moment about feelings and actions. Even though it might take me longer to process a new situation, or even if I don't voice everything immediately, it doesn't mean I don't have very strongly held beliefs or thoughts about it. I think I was attracted to that ability to take charge in that way, even though I found as time went on that it did make for some communication/understanding divides between us.

I really don't enjoy angry feelings, as I find they mess up my ability to process what is going on and create a lot of unpleasant emotional noise (I don't mind conflict, and see value in it, but don't like feeling actual anger). Sad feelings on the other hand don't bother me nearly as much. With the 8, I found the reverse to be true. He really didn't understand why I would respond to an unpleasant situation with sadness (which he felt was unproductive). He felt that anger is a great motivator and fuel for the fire of dealing with the problem. I don't know if the anger was a personality thing or if it was due to unresolved past situations, but every now and then I was surprised by the way he responded to people when he was normally pretty genial, gregarious and fun. I think he was actually a lot softer inside and more easily bothered by stuff than I would ever have guessed initially. If I had it to do over again, I wish I would have known that earlier on.

 

[Fidelia]

I'm not great at enneagram typing. However, I believe I dated an 8 (and I think I'm a 1w2). I think I probably initally seem a lot more pliable than I really am. I'm not terribly vocal in the moment, but if it's over an issue that I feel strongly about, I can be. I think that was a problem in some ways, as it was unexpected, particularly for a person who was used to being quite definite and in the moment about feelings and actions. Even though it might take me longer to process a new situation, or even if I don't voice everything immediately, it doesn't mean I don't have very strongly held beliefs or thoughts about it. I think I was attracted to that ability to take charge in that way, even though I found as time went on that it did make for some communication/understanding divides between us.

I really don't enjoy angry feelings, as I find they mess up my ability to process what is going on and create a lot of unpleasant emotional noise (I don't mind conflict, and see value in it, but don't like feeling actual anger). Sad feelings on the other hand don't bother me nearly as much. With the 8, I found the reverse to be true. He really didn't understand why I would respond to an unpleasant situation with sadness (which he felt was unproductive). He felt that anger is a great motivator and fuel for the fire of dealing with the problem. I don't know if the anger was a personality thing or if it was due to unresolved past situations, but every now and then I was surprised by the way he responded to people when he was normally pretty genial, gregarious and fun. I think he was actually a lot softer inside and more easily bothered by stuff than I would ever have guessed initially. If I had it to do over again, I wish I would have known that earlier on.

 

[kyuuei]

[MENTION=7111]fidelia[/MENTION] I feel similar. I get angry at myself when I try to wallow around in sadness too long. It is difficult for me to feel sad for an extended period of time (and I find that time to be something in the way of weeks+) and I definitely prefer to be angry over being sad.. I can handle anger from others, it is.. a bit more uncertain to handle sadness. It's hard to BE angry at someone who is sad.. so if I am in a state of anger, I cannot even express that anger properly and then I feel like I am walking on eggshells--a resentful tone.

It's very instinctual.. my anger has taken quite a heap of time to control and manage. Putting logic to something that instinctive isn't an easy task. Identifying the core of why I am angry and the cause of it isn't always easy in the moment. Much like my father, I frequently have to take a moment and then somehow squeeze in an explanation for the anger with my apology if I feel it is warranted. I do get easily bothered by stuff.. Not so much situations and strangers.. but when it comes to people I know and care about, they're in my heart, and that gives them a bit of power over my emotions in turn. It is how I truly know and show that I care about that person (the fact that I am attached to them enough to have them cause anger in me instead of mere annoyances and irritations).. but it also causes that quick temper that is stereotypically attributed to my hair color.

When it comes to major disagreements with 1's.. I find the stubbornness can be refreshing. I've had a few truly good conversations where neither of us budged on the issue, but I enjoyed us butting heads on it. 1s just don't seem to have their feelings hurt so easily, so it feels good to put on the boxing gloves.

 

[EJCC]

I imagine both types to be very strong willed and vocal about what they believe in. I imagine a lot of relentlessness in both parties which leads to some sort of a stalemate.

This has actually not been the case for me.

I'm friends with some 8w9s (mostly ENTJs), so I do have some experience with this, although I don't know how much of this is Enneagram and how much of it is MBTI. But from my experience, we tend to have a very intuitive understanding of one another. We get to talking, we listen very well to one another, we have very enlightening intellectual discussions -- and we don't generally compete. I think the reason for this has to do with the intuitive understanding; the 1 knows that the 8 will want to debate and therefore decides to discuss topics in the abstract or avoid problem topics altogether, or do what [MENTION=4939]kyuuei[/MENTION] said and just butt heads a little bit without getting offended -- and the 8 will understand the 1 very well in this regard and will happily go along with it.

Again, this might be from being a T and talking to T Eights -- which is why my answer is so different from [MENTION=7111]fidelia[/MENTION] 's -- but part of my intuitive understanding of Eights has to do with the fact that I get my drive from anger in a very similar way. The way I experience being a One is like being a trapped Eight, sometimes, depending on the situation.

However, in a perfect world, I'd date/be in a relationship with someone who is not quite so similar to me in that regard. I'd rather be with someone who balances me out, instead of someone with similar flaws.

 

[011235813]

No relevant personal experience of 1-8 interactions comes to mind immediately. However, if we're going the rock-paper-scissors route, 8s are the rocks, and 1s are the scissors. (9s would be flimsy, flighty paper for sure, haha.)

This is not to say that 8s are bound to smash the 1s to smithereens; just that 8s are more likely to apply brute force whereas 1s are more likely to apply surgical precision. Those opposing approaches may very well be grating, but more optimistically, they compensate for each other's deficiencies.

 

[EJCC]

No relevant personal experience of 1-8 interactions comes to mind immediately. However, if we're going the rock-paper-scissors route, 8s are the rocks, and 1s are the scissors. (9s would be flimsy, flighty paper for sure, haha.)

Which is not to say that 8s are bound to smash the ones to smithereens; just that 8s are more likely to apply brute force whereas 1s are more likely to apply surgical precision. Those opposing approaches may very well be grating, but more optimistically, they compensate for each other's deficiencies.

I am so impressed by the accuracy of this metaphor. I completely relate to it, and it resonates with my real-life experience with Nines and Eights as well.

+1 !!

 

[Vergil]

One of my best friends is 8w9.

The similarities are astounding. And, she understands what I feel much better than most others and I guess vice versa would also be true.

Anecdotes seem too long to type out though, sorry.

But, if it ever happens that I do type something out, I will let you know.

 

[Entropic]

Even though I'm not a core 8, I do experience a strong connection to 8 and speaking for myself personally with most likely 8w7 for gut fix, I tend to butt heads a lot with 1s, especially 1w9s of the more unhealthy kind, even moreso if they also got 4 and/or CP6 tendencies. I have a very hard time seeing where they are coming from for most of the part.

With that said, I think I've been unlucky and probably engaged too many unhealthy types which has colored my perception of 1s too negatively. I do however have a great tendency to smell 1s or those 1-fixed out, part because of our cognitive dissonances.

I think I was close to engaging a romantic relationship with a 1w9 so/sx though, until he got cold feet and decided I wasn't good enough for him. Of course, so typical that he'd pull out the more flaws and insecurities I'd reveal.

 

[Animal]

When an 8 and 1 are best friends...

One of my best friends is 8w9.

The similarities are astounding. And, she understands what I feel much better than most others and I guess vice versa would also be true.

Anecdotes seem too long to type out though, sorry.

But, if it ever happens that I do type something out, I will let you know.