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  1. #11
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
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    "Unique" just doesn't make sense to me as something to emphasize about one's self. We're all unique. Which means no one is. To strive to be unique seems like striving to breathe. If you're alive, you're unique, since nobody else is you ... it just doesn't mean anything to me.

  2. #12
    Senior Member Wolfie's Avatar
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    I think sometimes it is just feeling socially unique, which is possible. We're all not socially unique.
    ( . )( . )

  3. #13
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
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    What does that mean, "socially unique"?

  4. #14
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    I don't necessarily want to fit in, but I don't want to be seen by others as "unique" either. I want to be different from other people (and I feel that I am different), but I want to be seen by others as just an average, ordinary person.

    Quote Originally Posted by Wolfie View Post
    I am a non-conformist to the point of self-detriment. In some ways it's stubbornness. I am naturally disinclined to do/like what others do/like. I would say I consider myself very unique and special. (internally scolds self while admitting that) I have been trying over the years to train myself away from that kind of thinking, because probably I am not actually all that different. I yearn to be more like others, while simultaneously detesting others. As @chana said, I think in some ways it is a defense mechanism, because I know I can't(or won't) be like others, I try to take pride in feeling different instead.
    Same here (for the most part).

  5. #15
    Junior Member Capricorn Moon's Avatar
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    I have similar ''problem''. People often say i am weird, strange, unique... However, i got use to it and accept it like normal thing. You shouldn't worry much. Everybody has their own perception and view, and there is no deffinition of unique, weird, normal... It's all individual...Every human being is special and unique, but not all people are ready to show their true nature, because sometimes it can cause trouble and difficult times.
    Be yourself and live your true nature. In today's world, it's easier to accept norms and rules someone else created, if you do something different, people can see it as strange or uncommon. Accepting official social norms is okay if they match your own-if you have them. The problem comes when you can't escape from yourself and have some your own norms, and accepting comformism can mean loosing yourself and breaking your own moral and rules.

  6. #16
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiltyred View Post
    This irks me no end, this emphasis on wanting to be unique, different, and special. I don't want that. I would like to fit in! Other people tell me I am unique, different and special. Or, as they say on the playground, WEIRD. Any other 4s like this, or I am just unique in this ... oh wait a minute ... oh damn, srsly? ... reality check: am I unique because I don't want to be unique? bwahaha, what a Special Snowflake, quel rich irony.

    No, seriously. Anyone?
    Quote Originally Posted by Tiltyred View Post
    "Unique" just doesn't make sense to me as something to emphasize about one's self. We're all unique. Which means no one is. To strive to be unique seems like striving to breathe. If you're alive, you're unique, since nobody else is you ... it just doesn't mean anything to me.
    Either you're not a 4, or you're a Social-first 4 (perhaps in a bit of denial ). Even then I would find it a little difficult to believe a 4 would not feel that need at all. I'm a 4w5 so/sp and I feel more of a push/pull effect - I want both to fit in and be special.

    But yeah, if you like you could look up some Social 4 descriptions - it's driven by a sense of shame about feeling different.

    Can I ask what on earth makes you think you're a 4, if you don't care at all about "uniqueness"? I don't want to sound flippant; it's just a little bizarre. That second post in particular is very un-4-like. I mean essentially what you're saying is true, but deep down inside, I can't help but unconsciously resist accepting that fact, if that makes sense. And I think that sort of mindset is central to the 4 enneatype.
    INFP 4w5 so/sp

    I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas;
    they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.

    - Emily Bronte

  7. #17
    can't handcuff the wind Z Buck McFate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiltyred View Post
    "Unique" just doesn't make sense to me as something to emphasize about one's self. We're all unique. Which means no one is. To strive to be unique seems like striving to breathe. If you're alive, you're unique, since nobody else is you ... it just doesn't mean anything to me.
    You might just have a really strong 5 wing, or may even be 5 instead. It’s more a 5 thing to actually feel like an alien, like there’s an ‘uniqueness’ (or a feeling of being different) that’s already there and there’s even a preoccupation of compensating for it rather than striving for it.

    At any rate, I totally relate to the quoted text above. Sometimes too I wonder if being least so variant exacerbates it, like my underlying drive to fit into a bigger group is so atrophied that- while I don't mind the immediate consequences- a long term consequence (I think) is generally feeling even more like a fish out of water than I already do.
    Reality is a collective hunch. -Lily Tomlin

    5w4 sx/sp Johari / Nohari

  8. #18
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Z Buck McFate View Post
    You might just have a really strong 5 wing, or may even be 5 instead. It’s more a 5 thing to actually feel like an alien, like there’s an ‘uniqueness’ (or a feeling of being different) that’s already there and there’s even a preoccupation of compensating for it rather than striving for it.

    At any rate, I totally relate to the quoted text above. Sometimes too I wonder if being least so variant exacerbates it, like my underlying drive to fit into a bigger group is so atrophied that- while I don't mind the immediate consequences- a long term consequence (I think) is generally feeling even more like a fish out of water than I already do.
    I'm sure I'm a 4, but my 5 wing is very strong, so that makes sense. Thanks.

  9. #19
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Southern Kross View Post
    Either you're not a 4, or you're a Social-first 4 (perhaps in a bit of denial ). Even then I would find it a little difficult to believe a 4 would not feel that need at all. I'm a 4w5 so/sp and I feel more of a push/pull effect - I want both to fit in and be special.

    But yeah, if you like you could look up some Social 4 descriptions - it's driven by a sense of shame about feeling different.

    Can I ask what on earth makes you think you're a 4, if you don't care at all about "uniqueness"? I don't want to sound flippant; it's just a little bizarre. That second post in particular is very un-4-like. I mean essentially what you're saying is true, but deep down inside, I can't help but unconsciously resist accepting that fact, if that makes sense. And I think that sort of mindset is central to the 4 enneatype.
    my infp bf is a type 4 so first and i don't think he wants to be unique. same push/pull thing there. like being hyper aware of where he is in relation to other people. feeling he doesn't measure up in this way or that.

    i don't get it...i tell him why do do you care?? if you valued such n such you'd likely be such n such way...so...you don't really want to be that way...it's a whole weird twisty mindfuck thing that seems ridiculously frustrating to be concerned about.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  10. #20
    From the Undertow CuriousFeeling's Avatar
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    Could also be some Fe involved here as well, wanting said uniqueness to be accepted by the group. I already feel somehow outside of the circle, but I desire to have the unusual traits and interests embraced by the group. But at the same time, I recognize that everyone is unique in their own way, so it isn't just me.

    Maybe it is a strong 5-wing....
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    Johari/Nohari

    “Thoughts are the shadows of our feelings -- always darker, emptier and simpler.”
    ― Friedrich Nietzsche




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