[Type 6] Comforting 6s?

[thistle]

6s, how do you prefer to be treated/comforted when overwhelmed by negative emotion? When you make an emotion-related problem aware to another, what kind of response do you hope for? What is the worst thing someone can do when you are in distress?

(Bonus question, if you're interested: how do you go about comforting others when you see them in distress?)

 

[Trunks]

My dad is type 6, he's very hard working person, I rarely see him angry though, I tend to get along very well with my dad. Just don't provoke them, they likes when everyone is cheerful and obey the rules.

 

[WALMART]

It just goes away. I don't seek comfort in anything, I don't believe. I just carry my shame like a weight until my strength assimilates it into part of me.

The worst thing someone could probably do is insult my character. I have a deep seeded desire to be liked, and I think more importantly (yet less obtainable), respected. 'Cause I do my best to like and respect my fellow peers.

I usually give them something that signifies value, or worth - maybe lunch or something. I'm not very good at emotional consolement.

 

[thistle]

So if you don't seek out comfort and keep things to yourself, how do you react when someone tries to offer comfort?

 

[highlander]

6s, how do you prefer to be treated/comforted when overwhelmed by negative emotion? When you make an emotion-related problem aware to another, what kind of response do you hope for? What is the worst thing someone can do when you are in distress?

(Bonus question, if you're interested: how do you go about comforting others when you see them in distress?)

I like for them to let me express my feelings and thoughts without imposing any negative judgments. Mostly, I want to be acknowledged and felt heard no matter how irrational I may be in the moment.

On the bonus question: I tend to be alert to others who are in distress. I prod them into talking about what's bothering them and try to be encouraging.

 

[WALMART]

So if you don't seek out comfort and keep things to yourself, how do you react when someone tries to offer comfort?

It'd be contextual, but I'd presume most reactions would be along the lines of acting. I would act as if what were being done/said was consoling me, even though inside i would know my mind still has a lot of thinking to be done.

Which actually makes me realize talking something out is the ultimate stress relief for my brain.

 

[Qlip]

I don't really let on to other people when I need help, though ironically I do feel let down when other people can't pick up that I need a hand. I just appreciate being noticed, and if the offer is made, that's appreciated. I usually like to handle my own business.

 

[Thalassa]

It depends on what I'm stressed out about and who you are. If you're a casual friend or acquaintence, I want to be given space and left alone. If we are close, I like hugs, especially if I'm not so angry I want to spit nails, and in that case, also let me alone and then hug me when I calm down maybe.

I really like when someone can reason with me in a broad-minded way. I don't mean reason with me like "this is silly, calm down" because the broad minded part is also important, like actually logically or socially explaining to me why it will be okay, because if I am in anxiety, it may be because I am afraid there is no way out.

 

[Thalassa]

I like for them to let me express my feelings and thoughts without imposing any negative judgments. Mostly, I want to be acknowledged and felt heard no matter how irrational I may be in the moment.

On the bonus question: I tend to be alert to others who are in distress. I prod them into talking about what's bothering them and try to be encouraging.

Yes I appreciate being allowed to vent without being judged. You can often your opinion later when I'm calm.

 

[skylights]

6s, how do you prefer to be treated/comforted when overwhelmed by negative emotion?

In general, I prefer others not to know. I try to seek quiet havens when I am emotionally overwhelmed and I generally only look to my closest confidante or two for support.

When you make an emotion-related problem aware to another, what kind of response do you hope for?

I would like for them to listen to me without judgment until I describe the whole problem, and then help me look at things in a way that eases my emotions. My boyfriend is a 9w1 and excellent at situation defusing, for instance. He is very good at framing issues in a clear and simple light and bringing my stress level way down.

What is the worst thing someone can do when you are in distress?

Insult my emotional state. I know it's bad already; it is useless information and only serves to make me feel worse about myself on top of whatever negativity I'm already feeling.

(Bonus question, if you're interested: how do you go about comforting others when you see them in distress?)

I generally try to approach them gently and in a non-intrusive manner, and ask them if and how I can help them. If I know them well enough to understand a more efficient way of helping them, I will expedite.

Just don't provoke them, they likes when everyone is cheerful and obey the rules.

Personal clarification - as a 6, I don't really care if everyone follows the rules. It just pisses me off when people break the rules stupidly. I think that if one is going to break them, they ought to understand exactly what they're doing, why they're doing it, and how it's going to impact everyone else. If they're putting undue burden on others, then they shouldn't be breaking them until they figure out a way to alleviate that.

 

[Trunks]

I only follow certain rules which makes sense to me. I understand perfectly what I'm doing, my dad rarely punish me if I breaks the rules in the family, he gave me an advices and he know what kind of punishment works well with me. I'm daddy's girl btw..

 

[King sns]

Just a certain level of understanding. I don't mind suggestions at the right time, it's only human nature to offer suggestions when there is a problem. Worst thing is to just say "it'll be okay" or something. But nobody likes that. Even if you're not a six. Actually, this is really good advice for dealing with females in general I think.

 

[Santosha]

"6's are even anxious of their anxiety!" The worst thing someone can do is emphasize how irrational or weird my worries are - which then layers whatever fear I have with something being wrong with me. If its something really under my skin, major worry going on, I appreciate being supported but I also want a solution. I want someone to take me seriously and kinda get into my thought process. E5's are fantastic at patiently & calmly considering the various factors and weird patterns (or non patterns) I've come up with, rationally deconstructing them and showing me where I am leaping without making me feel weird, stupid or rejected.

When it is something smaller I just want to see friends and family being supportive, caring about how I'm doing and making it clear that they will stand by me no matter what happens.

I tend to comfort people the same way.. but problem solving or showing loyalty.

 

[Tyrinth]

When I'm overwhelmed by negative emotions the best thing you can do is just leave me alone, though that may just be the w5 talking... Support is nice, but sometimes I just need to sort things out in my own mind.

 

[SilkRoad]

6s, how do you prefer to be treated/comforted when overwhelmed by negative emotion? When you make an emotion-related problem aware to another, what kind of response do you hope for? What is the worst thing someone can do when you are in distress?

(Bonus question, if you're interested: how do you go about comforting others when you see them in distress?)

Listen to me talk. Reassure me that my feelings are not abnormal. If I seem like I'm trying to sense-check something ("Am I just being paranoid? Am I? Am I? Why does this stuff always happen to me?"), be realistic if you must but don't say "oh come on, you can't be serious!" or anything like that. (Something along the lines of "oh, I totally understand why you feel that way, I probably would too...but I don't think he meant it to come out like that" and then explain why, would probably help. Or, depending on the situation: "No, I don't think you're paranoid at all and it's completely normal you would feel that way. I would probably be even more upset if I were you!")

Remind me that I'm loved. Tell me you appreciate me, ask me if you can do something for me. Offer to do something concrete. Show that you're loyal and reassuring. If you're someone I value and I seem somehow anxious about the people around me or my relationships, reassure me of the good people in my life and their care for me, including your own.

By the way, I don't usually need the above very badly. I am anxious but mostly it's not that obvious externally (though i think I am getting a little worse as I get older.) But...sometimes I need it more than I'm letting on.

As for how I comfort or reassure others: Similar things, I guess. I will acknowledge and not dismiss their feelings, but also try to bring in gentle reality checks (sometimes you have to be very gentle about this.) Reassure them I'm there for them, tell them how I intend to offer support, tell them it's normal to have such feelings, etc.

Act calm. Surprisingly, I'm very good at that (or perhaps not surprisingly - I think with a lot of 6s the anxiety is not very externally expressed.) A lot of people over the years have told me I'm calm and it has helped them calm down.

 

[Turtledove]

With words of wisdom and optimism.

 

[SubtleFighter]

6s, how do you prefer to be treated/comforted when overwhelmed by negative emotion? When you make an emotion-related problem aware to another, what kind of response do you hope for? What is the worst thing someone can do when you are in distress?

(Bonus question, if you're interested: how do you go about comforting others when you see them in distress?)

I would really rather talk things out with people than sort it through myself. I would prefer it if someone else notices that I'm upset and offers to help (just this act itself already makes me feel better because that reassures me that I have a support). But if I'm alone and I decide to call someone to talk, the worst thing they can do is act like they think I'm weird for having these feelings. Just let me talk it out, assure me that I'm not nuts for feeling this way, and after I'm done talking, either gently nudge me in the right direction (a gentle reality check) or just affirm my feelings or give me some suggestions for how to make it better. Another bad thing for someone to do is give me no response at all. Some members of my family do this where I'm talking to them to their faces and then they are just silent afterwards, and it drives me nuts. This defeats the purpose of me talking to them in the first place, and now I'm wondering what they're really thinking, and (because I'm a 6) I will worry about all the negative possibilities of what their silence means.

If I see that someone else is upset, I will gently see if they want to talk about it because that's what I'd want someone else to do for me. If they indicate that they don't, I leave them alone. But I at least want to offer.

 

[Orangey]

So if you don't seek out comfort and keep things to yourself, how do you react when someone tries to offer comfort?

It's probably coming from a deep-seated distrust of others and fear of intimacy/rejection, but I usually don't allow others to comfort me. That is, I don't show that I need to be comforted in the first place, but if that doesn't work then I deflect like crazy until they lose interest.

 

[EntangledLight]

When i'm "overwhelmed" i just need time to think about and then plan for whatever is bothering me. Mainly i just need space, i need the other person to know that it's nothing personal, and that while i still care for them, giving me space will help us both out.

When i let others know about an "emotionally related" problem i just want what everyone wants: an effort on the audience's part to understand.

The worst thing someone can do when i'm stressed is to make big issues of small things because i'll be in a "fix-it" mentality, and i'll have a hard time differentiating the importance of emotional problems when i am stressed, which results in trying to do too much or just getting fed up and not doing anything. The next worst thing is getting mad when i'm reserved or unresponsive--taking it personally in other words--for me, it just means that i'm preoccupied and i realize that this angst isn't going away until i deal with it, and the sooner the better for everyones' sake.

When others are distressed i'll just try to read them as best i can--i don't deal with everyone the same way--although i think it's best to give one time to be at a better place mentally before engaging them.

Hope that helps .

 

[Savage Idealist]

To be honest, I really don't let others know about any sort of negative feelings that I possess at any given time. I can usually deal with such feelings on my own just fine and don't require any sort of comforting; in fact I sometimes thrive off basking in a negative state of mind. Anger, contempt, vengeance, paranoia; to live a life without such emotions would be a mistake. Granted this results in me bottling up rage to possibly unhealthy degrees.