Took Me Years, and I'm Still Sixishly Unsure
Guess the thread's been quiet for a year, but I just discovered it. And I just recently came around to typing myself as 6w5. So, here's my story, FWIW:
I must've discovered the Enneagram fifteen or twenty years ago, and at first I took the RHETI and came up a Four. Looking back now, I'd say that's not at all unusual; lots of people mistype as Fours at first.
For two or three years, I went around (mostly online) talking about what it's like to be a Four, and then I bumped into some real Fours who started questioning me. One in particular was pretty knowledgeable and helpful. She didn't pressure me, but she said she got more of a "Six vibe" from me, and some of the things I said didn't sound at all like Four to her. These discussions planted some doubt, and I started retesting and reevaluating myself.
My search led me to type Nine this time. And if I was a Nine, I was definitely a 9w1, because there's just not much Eight in me at all, as far as I can see. Up to that point I had ignored Nine as a possibility, but now I "realized" that the type I had thought was so bland and boring was me after all. And ain't it just like the Enneagram to label you with the type you're most set against having?
So, for three or four years, I went around (mostly online) talking about what it's like to be a Nine. I didn't get any argument this time. But in the back of my mind I wondered about a couple things: (1) How come I can't relate to my Eight wing at all? and (2) What about all the inner tension that keeps me from really relaxing and going with the flow, the way Nines are supposed to do? One day I was talking with my wife about criticism--explaining once again that I'm especially sensitive to criticism and that much of what she says comes across to me as critical even though she doesn't mean it that way--and suddenly it hit me that I'm probably a 1w9, not a 9w1.
Then, of course, I went around (still online mostly) talking about what it's like to be a One. I got little or no argument of course (because who ever dares to argue with a One?). And I felt certain that I had finally gotten my type right. I was happy enough with that for another couple years or so.
Ever since about 2003 I've been leading a Yahoo! discussion group on Keirseyan temperament theory, and we'd sometimes talk about Introversion and Extraversion. I always tested very clearly as an Introvert, so I had no doubt about it. But I couldn't relate to some of the things others said about Introversion: e.g., feeling drained of energy when around others. Also, it was perfectly clear to me that my motive for Introverted behavior was anxiety. I'd tense up and get nervous around people--especially strangers or authority figures--so I'd keep to myself instead, just for peace of mind.
I also took an Oldham-types test a few weeks ago, and my type turned out to be Sensitive. That described the inner anxiety I've always felt, so I could easily relate to it. But now I had to look again at my Enneagram type. Ones are described as sputtering with anger sometimes, but anxiety is not a word that shows up much in descriptions of type One. I did some reading which reminded me that anxiety is very much associated with type Six. So I explored some comparisons of types One and Six.
The clincher for me was that Ones tend to be certain, Sixes uncertain. For years I've been saying I'm the most indecisive person I know.
Anyhow, further reading and rereading has convinced me that my type must be 6w5. So far, everything fits. And now that I'm seeing myself from this new perspective, I'm noticing things every day that make me slap my forehead and say, "Of course! It should have been obvious all along that my type is Six." It's as if everybody around me had been labeling me as a Six, in one way or another, all my life, and I was the only one who didn't notice the label. I guess I was too busy being a Six to step outside myself and see what type Six really means.
sounds like you have just met a shadow.
