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  1. #1
    Ruler of the Stars Asterion's Avatar
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    Default Best way to deal with stressed out 8s?

    My boss, my dad, my lecturer, my lab demonstrator... they're everywhere. I like them, but when they stress out, they don't hold back on bit.

    Anyone know how to deal with them?

    What I do know is that you can't tell them to calm down.
    Last edited by Patches; 07-06-2012 at 06:42 AM.
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  2. #2
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Do you see any similarity in situations when these 8s don't hold back?

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    Certified Sausage Smoker Elfboy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Asterion View Post
    My boss, my dad, my lecturer, my lab demonstrator... they're everywhere. I like them, but when they stress out, they don't hold back on bit.
    Anyone know how to deal with them?
    What I do know is that you can't tell them to calm down.
    - ask them "you seem upset, what's wrong?" or "is something wrong?"
    - stand your ground, but simultaneously walk on eggshells (if they are indeed stressed)
    - if they have a superior or authority figure over them, go to that person

    - how financially dependent are you on your father? if not at all, you can always just avoid him for a period of time and say "come talk to me when you're through being a controlling bastard"
    - can you get a different job?
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  4. #4
    Ruler of the Stars Asterion's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jenaphor View Post
    Do you see any similarity in situations when these 8s don't hold back?
    The work place, usually in positions of authority, where they're free to let their anger run rampant without it being questioned too much.

    Quote Originally Posted by Elfboy View Post
    - ask them "you seem upset, what's wrong?" or "is something wrong?"
    - stand your ground, but simultaneously walk on eggshells (if they are indeed stressed)
    - if they have a superior or authority figure over them, go to that person

    - how financially dependent are you on your father? if not at all, you can always just avoid him for a period of time and say "come talk to me when you're through being a controlling bastard"
    - can you get a different job?
    Thankfully, my dad is pretty good, isn't very controlling, he just can't hold it back sometimes. He knows what he's like in positions of authority, and like some other 8s I've seen, he avoids putting himself there.

    The main culprit is my boss, what I've learned is to not show signs of betrayal. I did that once, but now I know better, and she's not quite as rough on me. But I watch her rip into innocent people that try their best to help, she drives them to tears, and I desperately want to step in and defend them, but I feel that I could be wrong. Maybe they did something worthy of getting yelled down.

    Going to a person above her would be a reasonable course of action if it escalates. But it would look like betrayal.

    I try to reason with her after she destroys people, help her to develop a bit of mercy instead of seeing people as tools to be used and discarded. I don't know if it helps though, she fired 3 people in front of everyone just today, and continually threatens to fire a lot of others. These people are new to the job...

    Other 8s do this same shit as well. It drives me insane.
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  5. #5
    Certified Sausage Smoker Elfboy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Asterion View Post
    The work place, usually in positions of authority, where they're free to let their anger run rampant without it being questioned too much.
    Thankfully, my dad is pretty good, isn't very controlling, he just can't hold it back sometimes. He knows what he's like in positions of authority, and like some other 8s I've seen, he avoids putting himself there.
    it sounds like your dad is just stressed and if you need to talk to him about something to just wait until he is in a better mood. the fact that he avoids being in a position of authority as an 8 is a very good sign. I'm sure your relationship will improve.

    The main culprit is my boss, what I've learned is to not show signs of betrayal. I did that once, but now I know better, and she's not quite as rough on me. But I watch her rip into innocent people that try their best to help, she drives them to tears, and I desperately want to step in and defend them, but I feel that I could be wrong. Maybe they did something worthy of getting yelled down.
    it's good she isn't mostly directing it at you. as tempting as it is, I think you're wise to stay on the sideline on this one.

    Going to a person above her would be a reasonable course of action if it escalates. But it would look like betrayal.
    no, all that would be is further evidence is she begins treating you more poorly after you go to her boss. she will be monitored at this point and your word will probably be taken over her's if she shows aggression to you after such a reporting

    I try to reason with her after she destroys people, help her to develop a bit of mercy instead of seeing people as tools to be used and discarded. I don't know if it helps though, she fired 3 people in front of everyone just today, and continually threatens to fire a lot of others. These people are new to the job...
    Other 8s do this same shit as well. It drives me insane.
    well, healthy 8s are some of the most marvelous people you could ever come across. they have an energy about them gives them a strong presence
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  6. #6
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Asterion View Post
    The work place, usually in positions of authority, where they're free to let their anger run rampant without it being questioned too much.



    Thankfully, my dad is pretty good, isn't very controlling, he just can't hold it back sometimes. He knows what he's like in positions of authority, and like some other 8s I've seen, he avoids putting himself there.

    The main culprit is my boss, what I've learned is to not show signs of betrayal. I did that once, but now I know better, and she's not quite as rough on me. But I watch her rip into innocent people that try their best to help, she drives them to tears, and I desperately want to step in and defend them, but I feel that I could be wrong. Maybe they did something worthy of getting yelled down.

    Going to a person above her would be a reasonable course of action if it escalates. But it would look like betrayal.

    I try to reason with her after she destroys people, help her to develop a bit of mercy instead of seeing people as tools to be used and discarded. I don't know if it helps though, she fired 3 people in front of everyone just today, and continually threatens to fire a lot of others. These people are new to the job...

    Other 8s do this same shit as well. It drives me insane.
    Betrayal? And? Either she learns the boundaries she clearly didn't as a child and stops violating others or she can suffer the consequences because there always are some. Stop trying to reason with her and stop trying to teach her mercy. You are a subordinate. This job has to fall on someone with more authority than you.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  7. #7
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    Eh, rage back at them with a matching intensity but with a kind of mocking undertone, until they can't take it anymore and a fight (physical) happens, then people around you will make it such that you avoid each other.

    That's how I've usually dealt with unehalthy 8s, it is painful in the moment but at least you definitely remove the problem from your life
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  8. #8
    Ruler of the Stars Asterion's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ceecee View Post
    Betrayal? And? Either she learns the boundaries she clearly didn't as a child and stops violating others or she can suffer the consequences because there always are some. Stop trying to reason with her and stop trying to teach her mercy. You are a subordinate. This job has to fall on someone with more authority than you.
    As much as I don't like it, I think you're right. It will undoubtedly bite her in the ass at some point.

    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    Eh, rage back at them with a matching intensity but with a kind of mocking undertone, until they can't take it anymore and a fight (physical) happens, then people around you will make it such that you avoid each other.

    That's how I've usually dealt with unhealthy 8s, it is painful in the moment but at least you definitely remove the problem from your life
    I think I can only dream of raging back, I can argue, but not rage.
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  9. #9
    Certified Sausage Smoker Elfboy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    Eh, rage back at them with a matching intensity but with a kind of mocking undertone, until they can't take it anymore and fight (physical) happens, then people will make it such that you avoid each other.

    That's how I've usually dealt with unealthy 8s, it is painful in the moment but at least you definitely remove the problem from your life
    no offense, but that is terrible advice.
    - you are an ENTJ 7w8 7-3-8; he is an INTP 5-3-9 meaning, you have one of the most assertive possible temperaments and he has a naturally withdrawn, reflective temperament. that kind of approach is probably not going to work for him (unless he has previously done a LOT of work on assertiveness)
    - we're talking about college professors, parents and bosses. these aren't people one can just flip the bird to without expecting serious consequences
    - matching the intensity and aggression of a pissed off 8 (or 7w8, we can be pretty vicious too) is easier said than done, especially when in each of these situations they hold vast amounts of leverage over him.
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  10. #10
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    Yes, Elfboy, I agree it might be bad avice...I was just trying to provide a perspective based on my own experience. It might totally not work for him. But maybe if he finds himself completely exhausted, he could try, knowing that there's someone how has experienced a similar situation and reacted in such a way.

    Professors and bossess only hold power if you have no money on your own...in that case yes, the situation is complicated. If you have some savings, and they're making your life hell, you really need to consider telling them off. Or simply walking out, or trying to never interact with them again.
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

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