[Type 8] Best way to deal with stressed out 8s?

[Asterion]

My boss, my dad, my lecturer, my lab demonstrator... they're everywhere. I like them, but when they stress out, they don't hold back on bit.

Anyone know how to deal with them?

What I do know is that you can't tell them to calm down.

 

[rav3n]

Do you see any similarity in situations when these 8s don't hold back?

 

[Elfboy]

My boss, my dad, my lecturer, my lab demonstrator... they're everywhere. I like them, but when they stress out, they don't hold back on bit.
Anyone know how to deal with them?
What I do know is that you can't tell them to calm down.

- ask them "you seem upset, what's wrong?" or "is something wrong?"
- stand your ground, but simultaneously walk on eggshells (if they are indeed stressed)
- if they have a superior or authority figure over them, go to that person

- how financially dependent are you on your father? if not at all, you can always just avoid him for a period of time and say "come talk to me when you're through being a controlling bastard"
- can you get a different job?

 

[Asterion]

Do you see any similarity in situations when these 8s don't hold back?

The work place, usually in positions of authority, where they're free to let their anger run rampant without it being questioned too much.

- ask them "you seem upset, what's wrong?" or "is something wrong?"
- stand your ground, but simultaneously walk on eggshells (if they are indeed stressed)
- if they have a superior or authority figure over them, go to that person

- how financially dependent are you on your father? if not at all, you can always just avoid him for a period of time and say "come talk to me when you're through being a controlling bastard"
- can you get a different job?

Thankfully, my dad is pretty good, isn't very controlling, he just can't hold it back sometimes. He knows what he's like in positions of authority, and like some other 8s I've seen, he avoids putting himself there.

The main culprit is my boss, what I've learned is to not show signs of betrayal. I did that once, but now I know better, and she's not quite as rough on me. But I watch her rip into innocent people that try their best to help, she drives them to tears, and I desperately want to step in and defend them, but I feel that I could be wrong. Maybe they did something worthy of getting yelled down.

Going to a person above her would be a reasonable course of action if it escalates. But it would look like betrayal.

I try to reason with her after she destroys people, help her to develop a bit of mercy instead of seeing people as tools to be used and discarded. I don't know if it helps though, she fired 3 people in front of everyone just today, and continually threatens to fire a lot of others. These people are new to the job...

Other 8s do this same shit as well. It drives me insane.

 

[Elfboy]

The work place, usually in positions of authority, where they're free to let their anger run rampant without it being questioned too much.
Thankfully, my dad is pretty good, isn't very controlling, he just can't hold it back sometimes. He knows what he's like in positions of authority, and like some other 8s I've seen, he avoids putting himself there.

it sounds like your dad is just stressed and if you need to talk to him about something to just wait until he is in a better mood. the fact that he avoids being in a position of authority as an 8 is a very good sign. I'm sure your relationship will improve.

The main culprit is my boss, what I've learned is to not show signs of betrayal. I did that once, but now I know better, and she's not quite as rough on me. But I watch her rip into innocent people that try their best to help, she drives them to tears, and I desperately want to step in and defend them, but I feel that I could be wrong. Maybe they did something worthy of getting yelled down.

it's good she isn't mostly directing it at you. as tempting as it is, I think you're wise to stay on the sideline on this one.

Going to a person above her would be a reasonable course of action if it escalates. But it would look like betrayal.

no, all that would be is further evidence is she begins treating you more poorly after you go to her boss. she will be monitored at this point and your word will probably be taken over her's if she shows aggression to you after such a reporting

I try to reason with her after she destroys people, help her to develop a bit of mercy instead of seeing people as tools to be used and discarded. I don't know if it helps though, she fired 3 people in front of everyone just today, and continually threatens to fire a lot of others. These people are new to the job...
Other 8s do this same shit as well. It drives me insane.

well, healthy 8s are some of the most marvelous people you could ever come across. they have an energy about them gives them a strong presence

 

[ceecee]

The work place, usually in positions of authority, where they're free to let their anger run rampant without it being questioned too much.



Thankfully, my dad is pretty good, isn't very controlling, he just can't hold it back sometimes. He knows what he's like in positions of authority, and like some other 8s I've seen, he avoids putting himself there.

The main culprit is my boss, what I've learned is to not show signs of betrayal. I did that once, but now I know better, and she's not quite as rough on me. But I watch her rip into innocent people that try their best to help, she drives them to tears, and I desperately want to step in and defend them, but I feel that I could be wrong. Maybe they did something worthy of getting yelled down.

Going to a person above her would be a reasonable course of action if it escalates. But it would look like betrayal.

I try to reason with her after she destroys people, help her to develop a bit of mercy instead of seeing people as tools to be used and discarded. I don't know if it helps though, she fired 3 people in front of everyone just today, and continually threatens to fire a lot of others. These people are new to the job...

Other 8s do this same shit as well. It drives me insane.

Betrayal? And? Either she learns the boundaries she clearly didn't as a child and stops violating others or she can suffer the consequences because there always are some. Stop trying to reason with her and stop trying to teach her mercy. You are a subordinate. This job has to fall on someone with more authority than you.

 

[FDG]

Eh, rage back at them with a matching intensity but with a kind of mocking undertone, until they can't take it anymore and a fight (physical) happens, then people around you will make it such that you avoid each other.

That's how I've usually dealt with unehalthy 8s, it is painful in the moment but at least you definitely remove the problem from your life

 

[Asterion]

Betrayal? And? Either she learns the boundaries she clearly didn't as a child and stops violating others or she can suffer the consequences because there always are some. Stop trying to reason with her and stop trying to teach her mercy. You are a subordinate. This job has to fall on someone with more authority than you.

As much as I don't like it, I think you're right. It will undoubtedly bite her in the ass at some point.

Eh, rage back at them with a matching intensity but with a kind of mocking undertone, until they can't take it anymore and a fight (physical) happens, then people around you will make it such that you avoid each other.

That's how I've usually dealt with unhealthy 8s, it is painful in the moment but at least you definitely remove the problem from your life

I think I can only dream of raging back, I can argue, but not rage.

 

[Elfboy]

Eh, rage back at them with a matching intensity but with a kind of mocking undertone, until they can't take it anymore and fight (physical) happens, then people will make it such that you avoid each other.

That's how I've usually dealt with unealthy 8s, it is painful in the moment but at least you definitely remove the problem from your life

no offense, but that is terrible advice.
- you are an ENTJ 7w8 7-3-8; he is an INTP 5-3-9 meaning, you have one of the most assertive possible temperaments and he has a naturally withdrawn, reflective temperament. that kind of approach is probably not going to work for him (unless he has previously done a LOT of work on assertiveness)
- we're talking about college professors, parents and bosses. these aren't people one can just flip the bird to without expecting serious consequences
- matching the intensity and aggression of a pissed off 8 (or 7w8, we can be pretty vicious too) is easier said than done, especially when in each of these situations they hold vast amounts of leverage over him.

 

[FDG]

Yes, Elfboy, I agree it might be bad avice...I was just trying to provide a perspective based on my own experience. It might totally not work for him. But maybe if he finds himself completely exhausted, he could try, knowing that there's someone how has experienced a similar situation and reacted in such a way.

Professors and bossess only hold power if you have no money on your own...in that case yes, the situation is complicated. If you have some savings, and they're making your life hell, you really need to consider telling them off. Or simply walking out, or trying to never interact with them again.

 

[Elfboy]

Professors and bossess only hold power if you have no money on your own...in that case yes, the situation is complicated. If you have some savings, and they're making your life hell, you really need to consider telling them off. Or simply walking out, or trying to never interact with them again.

now THIS I can agree with

 

[Asterion]

It's not such a huge problem anyway, I'd just like to know if there's an easier way to handle 8s. Seems like aversion is best, which I'm pretty good at already, and I think it can work well against some 8s. However, I would like to help other people avoid getting stomped on, especially when I care about them - hell, even if I don't know them. I just thought of someone I can speak to about it who would definitely know what to do, I'm surprised I didn't think of it earlier.

 

[ceecee]

It's not such a huge problem anyway, I'd just like to know if there's an easier way to handle 8s. Seems like aversion is best, which I'm pretty good at already, and I think it can work well against some 8s. However, I would like to help other people avoid getting stomped on, especially when I care about them - hell, even if I don't know them. I just thought of someone I can speak to about it who would definitely know what to do, I'm surprised I didn't think of it earlier.

There is no advantage to raging back at them. It won't work anyway. The other issue is, you can't save other people like you are thinking. They need to develop backbone, especially in the case of completely unprofessional behavior. It's simply not acceptable and I'm not quite sure why other don't see it that way.

 

[rav3n]

Thankfully, my dad is pretty good, isn't very controlling, he just can't hold it back sometimes. He knows what he's like in positions of authority, and like some other 8s I've seen, he avoids putting himself there.

Yup, that's one way an 8 avoids being controlling.

The main culprit is my boss, what I've learned is to not show signs of betrayal. I did that once, but now I know better, and she's not quite as rough on me. But I watch her rip into innocent people that try their best to help, she drives them to tears, and I desperately want to step in and defend them, but I feel that I could be wrong. Maybe they did something worthy of getting yelled down.

Going to a person above her would be a reasonable course of action if it escalates. But it would look like betrayal.

I try to reason with her after she destroys people, help her to develop a bit of mercy instead of seeing people as tools to be used and discarded. I don't know if it helps though, she fired 3 people in front of everyone just today, and continually threatens to fire a lot of others. These people are new to the job...

Other 8s do this same shit as well. It drives me insane.

Your boss is nuts, 8 or not. Quite frankly, I'd be job hunting if I were you. People spend a lot of time in the workplace and because of this, why put up with abusive behaviour of being yelled at and treated like crap?

As far as raging back at an out-of-control 8, that's a huge mistake. We can be like emotional mirrors. Fighting fire with fire is an 8 style and more often than not, with an out-of-control 8, you will lose.

 

[kyuuei]

This is how I feel when I am truly angry. It takes me a while to get there.. I get pissed off easily, but it subsides just as fast. I try not to allow myself to get to a point where I'm ever lashing out at others, because it feels like a lack of control over myself. But stressors, on top of one another, over time, they will build up to anger, a gal's only human.

I can't say I love it when people don't stand their ground. I pick up on people walking on eggshells rather quickly--it's not what I desire when I'm stressed. I don't want people assuming that my anger means they can't say anything at all. I'm not going to murder them or anything.. I think Belle does it best.. Standing her ground while being a bit flexible and careful with her wording. There's no stopping me once I'm angry about something, it'll pass on its own with time.

I'd say to just leave out anything that will keep the anger going or escalate the situation further. Your boss sounds batty no matter what--it's not professional to lose control like that in the work place.

 

[rav3n]

My difficulty with providing advice of how to handle an 8 is that this person is in a state that I've never personally entered. Don't yell or freak out like this, even in personal relationships nevermind the professional workplace. And firing 3 people in public? WTF? She's nuts.

What works with me is to appeal to logic, as long as your logic is sound. Wouldn't try this if your logic isn't bullet-proof since it will piss me off even more. But if your logic is sound, it will ratchet down any emotions. But that won't necessarily work with other 8s since not all 8s are ENTJs.