I keep seeing this everywhere, I used to feel that time would have to come to a complete halt just so that I could learn everything, and I was almost starting to worry about it. As it obviously turns out, that's the wrong way to go.Fixation: Stinginess [Retention]*
Stinginess refers to the ego mind's tendency to hold onto experiences and information in an effort to build up knowledge and power and to maintain a familiar orientation with reality. It is as if the mind were stockpiling resources to prepare for some future catastrophe. Thus, Fives spend their time gathering information, skills, and resources to "build themselves up," as if they were creating a separate space in which to prepare themselves to re-enter reality.
The problem is that identifying with the mind this way detaches us from the support of our Being and from feeling connected with the world. Further, if Fives are continually thinking that they need more and more information or skill before they can really live, it is going to be very difficult to get their lives started, and it is also going to be frightening to give, to be generous with one's self. It is as if Fives are thinking "There is not enough of me even for me. If others want things from me, there won't be anything left. I need time to build myself up." However, no amount of studying, learning, or hoarding makes them feel any more ready to deal with their lives.
I don't get how I'm supposed to "deal with life"? What is this idea of living and why is it better than my own?
Should I be trying to get myself away from the imaginary? There's no distinct line between real and imaginary, there are some things that are completely imaginary like fantasy books, video games, and there are slightly more practical things like guitar, mechanics, martial arts, and then there's stuff that people call real, but seems equally unimportant. So many people can spend hours just texting.
What the hell counts as reality? A job? I wont have that until I complete University. Friends? I was almost exactly like a 9 (too much time spent with them, could never get time to myself etc.) until I isolated myself to get better at uni... I'm trying to turn that around, but I get anxious now and feel that it will take to much energy, I can handle that. Every day things? Like bills, cleaning, sleeping, eating... is that it?