Traits the heart types all share:
- All heart types are most concerned with developing their self-image.
- Compensate for feelings of shame & a lack of connection to their true self by constructing an identity.
- They use their identity to attract others to get love, attention, approval & value.
- They all have identity issues & hostility towards those who don't affirm their image.
Some distinctions between the heart types (focusing on just 3 & 4 here):
- The 2 solution to their identity dilemma is to be needed by others. Their identity is wholly established in relation to how others appreciate/need them. They establish their feelings outwardly then, and may have trouble knowing how they feel themselves & what they need outside of this attention/affection from others. The feeling they are most aware of tends to be not feeling appreciated, because they rely so heavily on external affirmation.
- Since the 3 is the central type, their solution is both inward & outward. They create an ideal self based on external markers that indicate value & they affirm their valuable qualities to themselves inwardly. They can be the least self-aware as they "believe their own press". Like a 4 they will have internal fantasies of themselves, but they use external standards of success to create this ideal, and they may have trouble admitting their own flaws, inwardly focused on what is valuable about themselves also. They focus on what makes them appear & feel impressive in a positive way. This means they need to do things, be seen, and actively establish their image in reality.
- 4s are the most self-aware; they easily see their flaws & so they create an identity around being different. They will romanticize anything that sets them apart from others, including & especially flaws. The 4's image is created internally then, and it's affirmed internally, by a sense of feeling unique. The 4 doesn't need direct affirmation from others, because even people who don't recognize the 4 as unique end up leaving the 4 feeling "misunderstood" which then affirms their identity. So unlike the 3, they don't mentally block out their own flaws or use positive external markers to feel valuable; instead they use internal markers of feeling strange & different, even if it means amplifying flaws & disconnecting from others. Their own feelings affirm who they are, which is why they can get stuck in an isolated depression very easily, where their image only plays out in their imagination.
So how does 4w3 & 3w4 play out then?
Their solution is still the same as their main type, the wing just influences how they create that image. The 3 with the 4 wing still uses external markers for value & avoids admitting their own flaws to themselves, so as to get affirmation both outwardly & inwardly, but they may seek out external markers which are regarded as "different" or "unique" among their family/culture/whatever. Usually, they will avoid anything too negative though; it still needs to be impressive & largely positive. The 4w3 will still create an internal image that romanticizes their differences from others, but they may adopt traits of people they admire for being different to amplify their feelings of being different. Ultimately, the 4 still needs to feel different more than anything & the 3 needs to be impressive to others and feel valuable themselves. The 4 focus then is on how they feel, allowing feelings to form their image, whereas the 3 uses how they appear to squash down bad feelings. The external markers 4 use are to be different, not necessarily valuable. The 3 markers are to be valuable, not necessarily different. The two can overlap, and that is often what 3w4 & 4w3 both strive for, but IMO, you'll see each "sacrifice" their wing when it comes down to choosing different vs. valuable.
so true.
