[Type 1] Sexual Ones

[Cloud of Thunder]

Let me turn this discussion to the obvious topic: what do some of you 1s think of sexuality? Specifically, how do you deal with your urges and impulses?

 

[Magic Poriferan]

Let me turn this discussion to the obvious topic: what do some of you 1s think of sexuality? Specifically, how do you deal with your urges and impulses?

How do I deal with my sexual urges and impulses?

Well, with other people, there's no trouble at all. I never want to have sex with anyone that I think wouldn't be a safe, decent, and worthy sexual partner. I kind of always knew this but it really became apparent to me when I ducked out of a chance to have sex with a really attractive, really slutty chick (who probably would have had sex with anyone). It probably would have been good sex, too. But somehow, I just didn't feel it. In other words, even if I were really attractive, rich, and famous, I find it highly unlikely I'd go around screwing women. I can't really get a hard-on for someone I don't admire. So, there's no conflict there, the values and urges are as one.

Regarding the lack of an outlet, shall we say... Yeah, I masturbate. I feel kind of guilty about it I guess, though not in the sense that it's sinful. It's more that I think about what else I could be doing instead and I feel like I'm wasting time and draining my energy. I guess I'm also embarrassed because I think that if I were doing it right I'd be having sex with a girlfriend instead of masturbating. It's almost like an act of failure in and of itself.

Regarding the general question of what I think of sexuality, I don't pass judgment on sex itself. I don't think sex is bad or dirty, I don't look down on any sexual deviance for sexual reasons, the few kinds of deviance I do look down on for reasons that aren't inherently about the sex (more like if they harm other people, etc..). Personally, I take sex very seriously. I don't want to have sex with anyone I'd regret getting emotionally attached to and I don't want to take chances with STDs or pregnancy. I'm deeply monogamous, I think of sex as a kind of affection, and I'm also not very kinky.

I do pass judgment on the way a lot of people handle sex. Namely, they way they do keep having babies when they clearly shouldn't and the fact that they do spread STDs. Some people seem to perceive sex as a commodity that they can gain entitlement to, and that creeps me out. Also, while it's an individual's decision to be as promiscuous as they want, I roll my eyes at how often people do so and then find themselves totally unprepared for emotionally compromising situations or unstable relationships. It's not like they weren't warned.

Well, that should just about cover it.

 

[Thunderbringer]

Let me turn this discussion to the obvious topic: what do some of you 1s think of sexuality? Specifically, how do you deal with your urges and impulses?

Don't be fooled by how enneagram texts describe Ones. Ones aren't super conservatives that go to church every Sunday and think of themselves as morally superior to others (though they certainly can be, just like other types can as well). The fact is Ones are just regular people who are very opinionated about what they deem right and wrong and don't want to be viewed as hypocritical or wrong. A One could easily like sleeping around with random people they meet at clubs, but have very strong opinions about the right way to do their job and will always want to conduct that duty the way the view as right. Look at Martha Stewart, for example. She's a One and she lied about stock sales, something that's morally wrong, yet she'll get irate at people who don't follow the way she does things to a T.

 

[Speed Gavroche]

Come on!!!
She was self assertive,

And of course 6 can be combative. You should tell that to Mike Tyson.

and the fact that she was maybe schyzofrenic haves nothing to do with the type.-

Schisophreny is related to paranoïa, not to the obssessive-compulsive habits of the 1.

She pursued an ideal, whe she was judged by the church she was extremely steady and honest

Yes, she was devoted to a cause: 6. But she was not obsessed about perfectionism and was not angry again the church.

The ones can be extremely passionate too.

They can, but they compulsively repress it.

Not all the ones are concerned with a rigid structure. They can be the most revolutionary of all the E types.

Not in the same way. Gandhi or the Imam Khomeini are revolutionary 1, their behaviors were strictly regulated buy rigid habits. Joan of Arc was shisophrenic, combative and "us-against-them", like Hitler.

 

[uncommonentity]

I wreck a bitch like it's her birthday.

 

[Cloud of Thunder]

How do I deal with my sexual urges and impulses?

Well, with other people, there's no trouble at all. I never want to have sex with anyone that I think wouldn't be a safe, decent, and worthy sexual partner. I kind of always knew this but it really became apparent to me when I ducked out of a chance to have sex with a really attractive, really slutty chick (who probably would have had sex with anyone). It probably would have been good sex, too. But somehow, I just didn't feel it. In other words, even if I were really attractive, rich, and famous, I find it highly unlikely I'd go around screwing women. I can't really get a hard-on for someone I don't admire. So, there's no conflict there, the values and urges are as one.

Regarding the lack of an outlet, shall we say... Yeah, I masturbate. I feel kind of guilty about it I guess, though not in the sense that it's sinful. It's more that I think about what else I could be doing instead and I feel like I'm wasting time and draining my energy. I guess I'm also embarrassed because I think that if I were doing it right I'd be having sex with a girlfriend instead of masturbating. It's almost like an act of failure in and of itself.

Regarding the general question of what I think of sexuality, I don't pass judgment on sex itself. I don't think sex is bad or dirty, I don't look down on any sexual deviance for sexual reasons, the few kinds of deviance I do look down on for reasons that aren't inherently about the sex (more like if they harm other people, etc..). Personally, I take sex very seriously. I don't want to have sex with anyone I'd regret getting emotionally attached to and I don't want to take chances with STDs or pregnancy. I'm deeply monogamous, I think of sex as a kind of affection, and I'm also not very kinky.

I do pass judgment on the way a lot of people handle sex. Namely, they way they do keep having babies when they clearly shouldn't and the fact that they do spread STDs. Some people seem to perceive sex as a commodity that they can gain entitlement to, and that creeps me out. Also, while it's an individual's decision to be as promiscuous as they want, I roll my eyes at how often people do so and then find themselves totally unprepared for emotionally compromising situations or unstable relationships. It's not like they weren't warned.

Well, that should just about cover it.

Yes, that's adequate. I think we're more or less on the same page, except I'm a bit more compulsive about sex than you are. I'm 24 and still a virgin, primarily because I'm not comfortable with being in a potentially messy situation (I mean that literally and figuratively), despite the fact that I get horny almost all the time.

Regarding masturbation and also porn, I feel dirty afterwards and also guilty because I feel like there are a million other constructive things I could be doing.

 

[Cloud of Thunder]

Don't be fooled by how enneagram texts describe Ones. Ones aren't super conservatives that go to church every Sunday and think of themselves as morally superior to others (though they certainly can be, just like other types can as well). The fact is Ones are just regular people who are very opinionated about what they deem right and wrong and don't want to be viewed as hypocritical or wrong. A One could easily like sleeping around with random people they meet at clubs, but have very strong opinions about the right way to do their job and will always want to conduct that duty the way the view as right. Look at Martha Stewart, for example. She's a One and she lied about stock sales, something that's morally wrong, yet she'll get irate at people who don't follow the way she does things to a T.

I'm certain that the subtype has much to do with that. I think the whole "Ms./Mr. Manners" stereotype is probably a manifestation of the Social One. The OCD hermit would be a stereotype of the Self-Preservation One. The Sexual One would be either a priest/nun or a controlling, obsessive spouse.

These are stereotypes, I should point out.

 

[Viridian]

Question: what is the relationship between intimacy and criticism in Sexual Ones? I understand that they are strongly linked...

 

[Richardsen]

And of course 6 can be combative. You should tell that to Mike Tyson.



Schisophreny is related to paranoïa, not to the obssessive-compulsive habits of the 1.



Yes, she was devoted to a cause: 6. But she was not obsessed about perfectionism and was not angry again the church.



They can, but they compulsively repress it.




Not in the same way. Gandhi or the Imam Khomeini are revolutionary 1, their behaviors were strictly regulated buy rigid habits. Joan of Arc was shisophrenic, combative and "us-against-them", like Hitler.

The ones can be paranoid too...
I don't see similarities between she and Hitler.
The ones can be very passionate and the fact that they repress it makes them much more passionate and emotional.
I agree with Gandhi, but there is a variety in the subtypes, maybe Gandhi was SO first, and this made him more contained with his anger.
I see anger in Joan of Arc. The anger can be pretty visible in SX firsts. Much more agressive and emotional.
You can see it too in Che Guevara. He is mistyped as a 6, but in fact he was a 1.

 

[Magic Poriferan]

Question: what is the relationship between intimacy and criticism in Sexual Ones? I understand that they are strongly linked...

Not sure what you mean, but I'll take a shot in the dark.

You might have read some things about Sexual Ones being particularly critical of the people they like and love, in a manner that seems backwards to others. You might be referring to that. Well, I'll say that it's sort of true for me, but highly qualified. The more important someone becomes to me, the more seriously I take their flaws and also the more interested I am in seeing that person's potential maximized. This could, in a way, make me more critical. I think I probably do voice criticism to people I care about and feel closer to than I do with the general populace. But, there's a counter-active factor involved too. The closer I get to someone the more closely I monitor my behavior toward them. If I detect wrath toward that person in myself, that makes me feel guilty. I try very hard to control my emotions while I'm being critical. If I get too harsh, I can quickly turn on myself as the one who needs to be better. It pushes and pulls me back and forth.

You know, I think that constant balancing of standing between two people is a persistent theme.

 

[Viridian]

Not sure what you mean, but I'll take a shot in the dark.

You might have read some things about Sexual Ones being particularly critical of the people they like and love, in a manner that seems backwards to others. You might be referring to that. Well, I'll say that it's sort of true for me, but highly qualified. The more important someone becomes to me, the more seriously I take their flaws and also the more interested I am in seeing that person's potential maximized. This could, in a way, make me more critical. I think I probably do voice criticism to people I care about and feel closer to than I do with the general populace. But, there's a counter-active factor involved too. The closer I get to someone the more closely I monitor my behavior toward them. If I detect wrath toward that person in myself, that makes me feel guilty. I try very hard to control my emotions while I'm being critical. If I get too harsh, I can quickly turn on myself as the one who needs to be better. It pushes and pulls me back and forth.

I see... So intimacy acquires an element of "improvement of self and others"?

You know, I think that constant balancing of standing between two people is a persistent theme.

A persistent theme in what?

Also, thanks.

 

[Magic Poriferan]

I see... So intimacy acquires an element of "improvement of self and others"?

I suppose so, yes. You find a better life in being a better person, and ought spouses work together to bring each other a better life?

A persistent theme in what?

The life of a sexual one.

 

[Viridian]

I suppose so, yes. You find a better life in being a better person, and ought spouses work together to bring each other a better life?



The life of a sexual one.

I understand now - it's like a kind of "mutual mentoring", no? Thanks for clarifying, MP!

 

[Cloud of Thunder]

One thing that clicks with me is always looking at a potential mate in terms of what they could be instead of who they actually are. Personally, I've done plenty of idealizing of others in the past and it's only caused me much frustration.

 

[mujigay]

As a 1w9 sx/sp, I don't think I ever entered a close relationship with a person with the intention of "fixing" them. I never set out with an idealized persona that I think they can achieve. But if, in my time in getting to know them, I see areas that they have the full capability to improve in, sometimes I can't help but point them out. Of course, it makes me feel conflicted, because I'm sure they don't appreciate being told they have to "do better." And I'm not telling them that they must do better in order to be worthy. It's just, if you see something that can be worked on, why not work on it? It's an instinct.

 

[Viridian]

As a 1w9 sx/sp, I don't think I ever entered a close relationship with a person with the intention of "fixing" them. I never set out with an idealized persona that I think they can achieve. But if, in my time in getting to know them, I see areas that they have the full capability to improve in, sometimes I can't help but point them out. Of course, it makes me feel conflicted, because I'm sure they don't appreciate being told they have to "do better." And I'm not telling them that they must do better in order to be worthy. It's just, if you see something that can be worked on, why not work on it? It's an instinct.

Oh, I didn't mean to imply Sx 1s were "meddlesome"... I was just theorizing about how the intimate instinct "synchs" with Oneness in general.