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  1. #1
    Senior Member BAJ's Avatar
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    Default Am I a 9 and how to be a happy 9, etc?

    A few people have told me they think I'm a 9. Apparently I've been exhibiting some very 9 type behavior on forums.

    I might have skewed it, but an 183 question test said 4 > 5 > 6 > 9, but type 9 was my highest body triad number.

    I've been reading descriptions, but it's difficult. Maybe I'm the hypochondriac of psychological conditions, and this seems to be extended into my consideration of enneagram typology.

    So I wonder if anyone else has an opinion about my enneagram type? Also, I'd like to solicit opinions on (if I'm type 9) how can I be the happiest 9 possible? If you don't think I'm 9, then what type? And how can I be the happiest of that?

    Further, if anyone has opinions about how I can fix my broken wagon, feel free. I contemplate just leaving, but I don't think I can...at least not without a real alternative or alternatives. Further, outside of alternatives, how can improve my forum experience in the context of the enneagram or anything else?

  2. #2
    Senior Member Silveresque's Avatar
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    How do you react to stress? What do you do when you're feeling overwhelmed by emotions? Also, what are you like in social situations?

  3. #3
    Senior Member BAJ's Avatar
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    Thank you.

    In general, I've been without real life social groups for going on six years. I'm just now starting to attempt to reacquaint myself with groups, but I have a great deal of difficulty "fitting in". Sometimes there's a bit of chameleon, but mostly I have difficulty because of my perfectionism. I've discussed my differences with them, and they haven't yet told me, "Go away", so I guess I may have found a group after six years.

    Before this, at parties or such, I end up studying the potted plant or the bookshelf...having no small talk and rarely speaking much at all unless people are interrogative towards me.

    In most groups, I feel tragically alone, and ostracized. In Christian groups, I'd find myself out hugging rocks like Christ in Gethsemane, crying tears of blood about how I never fit in anywhere.

    Or in the boy scouts, I may take long hikes by myself, desiring to be alone.

    ----

    Stress. Not well. I have a tendency to freeze in my brain. I was in the military for 14 days, and I felt ostracized. My brain practically froze up completely.

    Now at work, I have tendencies...at times... to freak out, where upon I write all sorts of emails to people, mostly to my boss.

    From the second grade, I would hand people notes. So I would write someone a note from time to time.

    I think there has been lots of stress, and I often withdraw, taking long walks. I used to have depressions, and major life changes were major crisis. For example, friends get married and move away or changing jobs.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Noon's Avatar
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    How well do you relate to this?

    I assume the happiest enneagram type is the one that no longer is one.
    The best way to be a happier 9 would probably be to practice the fundamental characteristics of the high-functioning three, then?
    (Pro)Activity, self-acknowledgment, so on.

  5. #5
    Senior Member BAJ's Avatar
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    Oh my goodness. I just watched an hour long program on 4's. I should watch all nine types, but I did watch part of the hour long program on type 9 as well.

    I think that I'm definitely a type 4, even if I've been throwing around type 9 behaviors.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Silveresque's Avatar
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    What do you think about this:

    Active child vs. Neutral parent
    This scenario is thought to produce Enneagram type 4

    In this relationship, the child usually tries to grab the attention of an indifferent or absent parent, by expressing himself with increasing intensity, until a response is achieved. The Active child may act in a dramatic, exaggerated manner, attempting to get his message across to the unconcerned caretaker. The Neutral caretaker will typically ignore the child's emotional needs, making the youngster feel frustrated, misunderstood and possibly abandoned. Sometimes the child turns these negative feelings inwardly, believing that they are unlovable and not special enough to deserve attention.

    This scenario teaches the Active children that they are different than other children that seem to be getting the support they lack. They want to make themselves heard so they amplify their feelings, resorting to dramatic expressions of their emotions. These children may later become overly sensitive, artistic and theatrical, but also melancholic, self-loathing and depressive.

    Neutral child vs. Active parent
    This scenario is thought to produce Enneagram type 9

    The Neutral child is often overwhelmed and frightened by the controlling, domineering Active parent. Lacking self-assertion skills, he prefers to withdraw and stay out of the way, minimizing his own needs and avoiding the parent as much as possible. On the few occasions the child reaches out to the caretaker, he ends up feeling rejected and bullied around for no apparent reason, which causes him to withdraw again. The loneliness, however, also feels like rejection and soon enough the youngster will be ambivalent towards both being alone and being with others.

    Most of the time, a compromise will be made. This type will seek out company but will not invest themselves in it, preferring to keep in the background and go with the flow, partly removed from their actual situation. When alone, they will avoid introspection, which will bring about old feelings of depression and rejection, instead they'd rather numb themselves out with food, TV or other unimportant routines to avoid emotional pain.
    It's kind of interesting that the relationships are reversed for 4's and 9's. Does this confirm 4 for you?

  7. #7
    Senior Member BAJ's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RevlisZero View Post
    What do you think about this:



    It's kind of interesting that the relationships are reversed for 4's and 9's. Does this confirm 4 for you?

    I find this really interesting.

    I'm not sure I can fit to this.

    My situation was somewhat abusive, in that my emotional life was teased, discounted, or ridiculed. I wasn't supposed to cry, I may be threatened. I wasn't supposed to be afraid of the dark, and if I was, I was threatened.

    A popular true story was that we were out in the ocean fishing. My dad was busy messing with the radio. My mother fell overboard. I was excited and crying. And my father was telling me to shut up, or he was going to hit me.

    So I resigned myself to crying, and watching my mother get smaller and smaller in the swells of the ocean.

    Finally, observing me, he asked where my mother was, so I pointed in the direction she'd fallen over.

    Of course, no apology or acknowledgement on his part.

    However, we went to a daycare. My sister would cry when left. But there I had toys, wooden blocks and paints. I would cry when it was time to leave.

    So in a way, it looks like both...or something different.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Silveresque's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BAJ View Post
    I find this really interesting.

    I'm not sure I can fit to this.

    My situation was somewhat abusive, in that my emotional life was teased, discounted, or ridiculed. I wasn't supposed to cry, I may be threatened. I wasn't supposed to be afraid of the dark, and if I was, I was threatened.

    A popular true story was that we were out in the ocean fishing. My dad was busy messing with the radio. My mother fell overboard. I was excited and crying. And my father was telling me to shut up, or he was going to hit me.

    So I resigned myself to crying, and watching my mother get smaller and smaller in the swells of the ocean.

    Finally, observing me, he asked where my mother was, so I pointed in the direction she'd fallen over.

    Of course, no apology or acknowledgement on his part.

    However, we went to a daycare. My sister would cry when left. But there I had toys, wooden blocks and paints. I would cry when it was time to leave.

    So in a way, it looks like both...or something different.
    That's so sad. It sounds kind of like neutral child vs. active parent to me, but I don't know. You also wanted acknowledgement and didn't really receive it, so that could make it the other way around. Maybe this explains why you resemble both types. I found this interesting because I was a neutral child and one of my parents was active and the other was responsive. Neutral and active make 9, and neutral and responsive make 5, so maybe that's why I relate to both types.

  9. #9
    Senior Member BAJ's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RevlisZero View Post
    That's so sad. It sounds kind of like neutral child vs. active parent to me, but I don't know. You also wanted acknowledgement and didn't really receive it, so that could make it the other way around. Maybe this explains why you resemble both types. I found this interesting because I was a neutral child and one of my parents was active and the other was responsive. Neutral and active make 9, and neutral and responsive make 5, so maybe that's why I relate to both types.
    First, thank you.

    What is the source of this?

    I sort think some form of neutral child vs. neutral parent, but I haven't found this documentation.

    It's like...not that I want much attention, but the attention was all negative, so I was left with a deficit of approval that can't be filled. Of course, now I'm 40, so it behooves me to find new sources, such as my job.

    Also, this is all different people within the same type, but I watch those hour long films, and it seems 9 was not me. The lady said something like she wouldn't know what to do in solitary confinement if there were only herself. I've always imagined if I went to jail I'd request to be alone. Like I said, I've not had much social groups for six years. Yet, I could just be a really unhealthy 9...withdrawn.

    I don't identify much here with the child 9's disappearance and not introspecting, since introspecting was me. Yet, I don't identify much with the 4's description of acting out to get attention from an unresponsive parent.

  10. #10
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    FWIW, you don't vibe 9 to me @BAJ.

    @RevlisZero, you don't vibe 9 to me either ... but that doesn't mean you're not of course, I just have a decent track record picking that out on the forum is all. No offense intended to either of you, I know it can be challenging to narrow type.

    Myself though, I didn't even have to read the descriptions, as soon as I saw the heading for type 9, "The Peacemaker" I knew that's what I was. Although, that being said, elements of the rest do resonate with me, as apparently they do to most 9's.
    "Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one."
    Eleanor Roosevelt


    "When people see some things as beautiful,
    other things become ugly.
    When people see some things as good,
    other things become bad."
    Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

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