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  1. #121
    Senior Member Vizzy's Avatar
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    Wow, you've never actually hit anyone before - or even imagined it? That's actually very admirable.

    I remember hitting my brother when I got really angry and lost control.

    Your story about the poster is an example I'd like to look at. Your roommate is hinting that you should do something that's none of her business. How dare she? The fact that she doesn't just say it straight-out annoys you even more. All this is understandable.
    Have you said anything to her about this? Have you even discussed the issue?
    In your position, I probably wouldn't feel anywhere as offended. I'd simply say, "Nah, not interested in getting a poster" and go on with my business. Problem solved.
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  2. #122
    Glycerine
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    I would so totally humor her and draw something fugly to hang up if she kept bugging me about it.

  3. #123
    Senior Member Silveresque's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vizzy View Post
    Wow, you've never actually hit anyone before - or even imagined it? That's actually very admirable.

    I remember hitting my brother when I got really angry and lost control.
    Well, I've hit my brother with pillows before, but I don't think that really counts. :P

    Although actually, I had a dream last night where I got extremely angry at my brother and started hitting him, and I'm not sure what he did in the dream to make me angry...

    Quote Originally Posted by Vizzy View Post
    Your story about the poster is an example I'd like to look at. Your roommate is hinting that you should do something that's none of her business. How dare she? The fact that she doesn't just say it straight-out annoys you even more. All this is understandable.
    Have you said anything to her about this? Have you even discussed the issue?
    In your position, I probably wouldn't feel anywhere as offended. I'd simply say, "Nah, not interested in getting a poster" and go on with my business. Problem solved.
    Well, I don't know. I'm not really offended so much as annoyed (maybe the "how dare she" part was a bit of an exaggeration). I don't appreciate people trying to control or manipulate me, especially since I would never do the same to them, but I don't really see this as anything against me personally. Anyways, I haven't talked to her about it and don't intend to. If she won't actually tell me she wants me to get a poster, I see no reason to make a big deal out of it or even consider it. Though if she were to ask nicely, I'm sure we could come to some sort of compromise.

  4. #124
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by redcheerio View Post
    Not hitting shows self control, which is good, and may be a 9 trait. But do you ever get the urge to, or imagine it, when you're really angry?
    Not really no.The only situation I can think violence might be an option is when you're physically attacked. I usually have a very clean mind when it comes to what should happen to other people. I don't wish anyone harm.

  5. #125
    Senior Member redcheerio's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Moiety View Post
    Not really no.The only situation I can think violence might be an option is when you're physically attacked. I usually have a very clean mind when it comes to what should happen to other people. I don't wish anyone harm.
    I'm normally like that, too, but when someone is sneaky and targets me without justification for a couple of years, no matter how nice I am or how many times I keep forgiving them, I start to feel enraged.

    I probably need to be more assertive and willing to confront them in the beginning stages instead. I normally have no problem doing that, but I do have trouble doing so with some people, like if I worry I could lose my job over it. The culture in southern cal is anti-confrontational, and I haven't figured out how to communicate with people who don't like even friendly confrontation.

    A much more extreme example would be people who commit violent crimes, or people who endanger people I love. I sometimes feel rage in those cases, too.

    So you would wish the best for someone who commited a violent crime against a friend or family member?

  6. #126
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    I have a very particular world view that does not need validation from my personal feelings on certain matters when the shit hits the fan.

    What I mean by this is I don't believe retribution solves much. It might solve something on the short term but in the long term...well the history of the world is a testament to that...

    To truly be non-violent is an art, specially because of needing to confront people and stuff like that. It has mainly to do with fear and respect and assertiveness and confidence. Fear is what bad people and dumb people use to get their way. Assertiveness with respect is not so much in what wording you choose (eloquent politeness is a myth in my book) but in HOW you say things. And by how I mean if it's coming from a place of reaction, defensiveness, combativeness....or calm assuredness and GIVING others fearlessness. When people think they have nothing to fear from you and at the same time feel you are not influenced by them they usually have no choice but respecting you. Non-judgment and fearlessness go together. To truly mean no harm even when others are trying to intimidate you, can be quite powerful. Unless of course someone is pointing a gun to your head. In that case I'd probably just shit my pants.

    I've been guilty of dealing incorrectly with conflict lots of times in my life. So defensiveness and reactivity are anything but alien to me. Lately I've become better at handling people though. Specially the more I analyze myself, rather than others.

    If someone hurts a family member of mine or threatens him/her....I'm no sure I'll be able to handle it calmly. But for everything else, as a 9 (and after recognizing conflict has been an issue for me in my life) I think i've made significant progress in the last years.

    EDIT: I realize I didn't answer your question per se :P

    I'd say I'd like someone to be punished if they must....but actual harm wouldn't solve much. I prefer to enpower those close to me, than to protect them. Even though I'm by nature very protective.

  7. #127
    Senior Member redcheerio's Avatar
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    I agree that retribution won't solve the problem.

    For me, imagining it helps me to work through and overcome my anger. So does talking to friends and joking around about it, exercising, and accupuncture.

    I really don't see anything wrong with imagining it, since I know I would never act on it. I also wouldn't wish any actual harm on them.

    It really takes a lot to piss me off anyway. My next step is to figure out how to prevent situations like that from happening in the first place, especially from someone unprofessional with more power than me in the workplace.

    I think anger is a normal and healthy reaction to being unfairly sabotaged at work, especially because I work my ass off and do an excellent job according to everyone else who has the technical knowledge to judge.
    Last edited by redcheerio; 10-27-2011 at 10:38 AM.

  8. #128
    Senior Member Silveresque's Avatar
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    I think I might be a 9w1 because I'm very hard on myself, and even though I'm extremely lazy, I'm responsible and make sure I get things done. But I wonder how much of this is natural and how much is learned...I was raised by a strict 1w9 father, so what if I learned my 1 traits from him? Actually, if I think about it, I wasn't always responsible. Back when I was in elementary school, I used to not do my daily homework, and I would get in trouble whenever my parents found out. In high school I was very responsible and scored in the 90's on conscientiousness. When I retook the test today, I got 16 (I'm getting lazier ). It's hard to tell.

    But on the other hand, 9w1's are supposed to be more anxious than 9w8's, and I'm not particularly anxious. And it's definitely not that I'm too healthy to be anxious. But I don't seem to be as calm and carefree as 9w8's either. I get stressed out when I have a lot of things to do.

    And I also read that 9w8's are more active and passionate than 9w1's. If that's true, 9w8 just got a lot less likely because I'm very inactive and dispassionate.

  9. #129
    Glycerine
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    I am pretty sure my mom is 9w1. She's really mellow and happy go lucky but I think the way her 1 wing comes out is when people don't live up to her values and feels the need to correct others who don't live up to them. I would not consider her anxious other the consistent need to make others happy. She will butt in and try to correct the situation before others have time to think because EVERYONE NEEDS TO BE HAPPY OR ELSE.....

    It was an interesting mix of being around a really laidback person but all the while "walking on eggshells" because the passivity and calmness of the 9w1 can lead to passive-aggressiveness if you didn't watch out and accidentally not live up to her ideals (we weren't allowed to say "crap" or "freaking" or many slightly non-PC things or she would get offended). This isn't meant to be bashing but a potential illustration of how 9 and 1 might play out in some.

  10. #130
    Senior Member redcheerio's Avatar
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    @Glycerine - Definitely not an Enneagram expert here, but could your mom be E2?

    @RevlisZero - My husband recently took the test and came out 1w9, and it nailed him, haha.

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