• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[Type 4] Enneagram 4 and Relationships

Santosha

New member
Joined
Feb 1, 2011
Messages
1,516
MBTI Type
HUMR
Enneagram
6
Instinctual Variant
sx
I just got done reading through some threads on another forum about E4's and relationships. Wow! I can't even begin to convey how good it feels to see others talking about the same re occuring problems that I have. Many of my relationships start out beautifully, and can be very insightful and wonderful for some time.. but eventually the reality of my partner comes shattering down, and I have found very few people that seem to need the intensity and involvement that I prefer. (Only the 2 and the 6 actually). I have often struggled to get my needs met, and I know part of this is learning to detach from my feelings and embrace reality more, but it is definately one of the greatest struggles of my life.

I have, at one time or another, experienced almost all the unhealthy traits of e4's in relations. Envy, jealousy, dissapointment, withholding affection, ridiculous idealism, drama, being too emotionally volatile. It almost seems to the be nature of the beast, since E4's tend to want to feel the highest of highs, and the lowest of lows. Obviously I'm not proud of this, and I am working very hard to overcome it. Actually I have been for along time now. The thing is that personality does not change easily. It takes extraordinary motivation to make even modest changes that are true and permanenet. But I constantly remind myself that while behaviors are a reflection of the personality, they are not THE personality. Behaviors can be altered, personality can manifest in different ways, thought processes can be corrected and re-routed.

Anyhow, I am beginning to develop the opinion that while it is the E4's responsibility to grow and overcome, there are definately certain types that will naturally aid in this growth, and certain types that will be naturally prone to hindering it. And this is really what I'm getting at here.

E4's.. what are your thoughts or experiences with your e-type and others? Do you think there is a natural compatibility between these types?

I am not failing to realize that any healthy type could potentially have a great relationship.. ofcourse. But I do think that the E4 romantic may actually put the greatest emphasis and value on their intimiate relations, while also seeming to stuggle with it the most. So if there is (generally) a natural compatibility, I don't think it should be overlooked.

What do you think?
 
Last edited by a moderator:
G

Glycerine

Guest
Do they tend to shut others out when they are struggling....? :(
 

Santosha

New member
Joined
Feb 1, 2011
Messages
1,516
MBTI Type
HUMR
Enneagram
6
Instinctual Variant
sx
Do they tend to shut others out when they are struggling....? :(

Not speaking for all E4's, but going off my own experiences and what I've read of others.. I'd say yes, but the motivation is different than reclusing to reflect. Really, it's easy to understand. The worst thing you can do to a 4 is ignore them, make them feel unimportant or unworthy of your time and attention (rejection). So if they wan't to stab back at you, they might do the one thing they know would hurt them - Withhold love or attention.

Obviously this is unhealthy, but hey.. you'd be surprised just how many couples out there do all kinds of unhealthy crap to eachother. The other game you might find an unhealthy 4 playing is a "how much do you really love me" game.. putting you in weird and extreme situations to prove your love. This is different than the 6 though, that will try to test your loyalty.. the 4 needs to know that you see all their darkness and perceived defects before they believe you can really love them. And because they are a 4, they often really think that they are more broken at the core than others (whether thats true or not).

I have read some real horror stories on other forums of how this "how much do you love me" game can play out, an depending on the level of heatlh of the 4 it can be really extreme. I think the 4 is the most likely type to feel closer or more bonded to their partner *after* going to hell and back. Because the unhealthy 4 will often believe that if you stick around after they behave horribley, then you must really love them.

Now, I just wan't to clarify that all types have their own unique crap that they can bring into relationships, this isn't meant to be a "pick on 4's thread".. as most 4's don't resort to these tactics. However, 4's do tend to have very high standards and needs in relationships. They can be viewed as more demanding that many of the other types. And when those needs are not met the 4 finds themself at a terrible crossroad.

Speaking from experience, I have viewed my relationships as one of my very top priorities. It is so important to me, infact, that if the relationship is not on a healthy and fulfilling track, I can become terribley short-sighted and other aspects of my life suffer greatly. This is because it is incredibley difficult for me to move my focus and energy to anything else until this problem in the area I value the most is resolved. Consider how a 5 might cope if their need for autonomy and freedom was denied. Consider how a 6 might cope if their security was taken. Consider how a 7 might cope if their need for experience and excitement was threatened. It is very much the same for the romantic to be in an unstable or unloving relation.

So again, while I think that all types should be in compatible relations, I think that being in a bad relation might take the greatest toll on the 4. Which is why it is so INSTRUMENTAL ;) to their health and growth to not only work on these issues, but to set themselves up for the greatest success through basic core needs in other types..

I am highly interested in what others have to say about the 2 and 6 dynamics...
 

OrangeAppled

Sugar Hiccup
Joined
Mar 20, 2009
Messages
7,626
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I just got done reading through some threads on another forum about E4's and relationships. Wow! I can't even begin to convey how good it feels to see others talking about the same re occuring problems that I have. Many of my relationships start out beautifully, and can be very insightful and wonderful for some time.. but eventually the reality of my partner comes shattering down, and I have found very few people that seem to need the intensity and involvement that I prefer. (Only the 2 and the 6 actually). I have often struggled to get my needs met, and I know part of this is learning to detach from my feelings and embrace reality more, but it is definately one of the greatest struggles of my life.

I have these problems also, but only if I am really invested in the relationship. It's hard to get me invested, and so prior to that I show signs of my 5 wing, which is an unwillingness to give up independence, easily feeling suffocated, and resistance to opening up emotionally. I'm more likely to be seen as cold & disinterested than dramatic & the relationship ends before it gets stated. In a weird way, I've felt I've needed to do the opposite; be more open with my feelings & emotions, but not give into over-fantasizing & creating impossible ideals.

I also have issues on the other side of the 4 coin which is selecting unavailable people to fantasize about because it's safer than a real relationship. I don't seem to have jealousy or drama issues, but being too idealistic, too easily disappointed, and withholding can be problems for me. Being emotionally volatile for me is relative. Everyone I date says I am much more calm, reasonable, & less demanding than other women they've dated; so when I do get upset about anything, it's like I'm not allowed to be because I've set this expectation for always being calm & undemanding. Of course, like most 4s, I am not calm internally, I just withdraw when I feel inner turmoil.

Once I'm in an actual relationship that I'm invested in, then I'm surprised at the level of connection & interaction I'm desiring. I don't have a need for constant contact, but I'm extremely sensitive to not feeling like a "priority" with the person. I also feel like I am always giving more emotional support than I am receiving, but I admittedly will withhold & withdraw rather than reach out when I need it. I also allow the other person to make me feel guilty for having any needs, so that when I finally do assert them, I may blow up more than is necessary because it's been building for so long. I start pulling low-functioning 2 crap: "I'm unappreciated & my needs are ignored because I'm so self-sacrificing!".

E4's.. what are your thoughts or experiences with your e-type and others? Do you think there is a natural compatibility between these types?

Not feeling like a priority was a problem when dating a 3w4, because his social image & networking would come first for him, and I'd be put on the back burner, increasingly blown off. This followed a precedent he had set for intense, frequent interaction, with a push for a connection/commitment to happen quickly. I felt that once the 3w4 felt he had secured my affections, I was then ignored & taken for granted. 4w5s tend to work in the opposite manner; slower to warm, but once we're committed, then it's a big deal & needs to be treated like a big deal. I began to realize that the 3w4 wanted a companion as a part of his image more than deep connection.

Unfortunately, I am drawn to 3s a lot....

Concerning 7w6s, I find them tiring. They demand TOO much energy from me. Instead of not feeling like a priority, I feel drained, but it still feels sort of shallow. I struggled to have my introvert needs met in this case.

My interaction with 5w4s is that there is loads of intensity, but then it blows up when the 5 is insensitive, especially as I've begun to expect more than that of them, figuring the intensity should have led to more understanding & sensitivity. I'm usually the one to leave this relationship because I become disillusioned suddenly in a way that's hard to recover from.

I've never dated a 2 or a 6. I fear a 2 would smother me....?

The worst thing you can do to a 4 is ignore them, make them feel unimportant or unworthy of your time and attention (rejection).

:yes:
 
B

brainheart

Guest
What it boils down to for me is I have to be the withdrawn and aloof one. The romantic relationships I've had with those ' like me' failed miserably. If I feel like I'm being rejected (or worse, they're just straight up no longer interested) by someone I care about I become this very clingy, irrational person, a total 180.

When I'm with someone who makes the effort and tells me how much they care, I can relax, fall into my usual position of ' I'll share when I want to share.' My husband is either a 6w7 or 2w3, I really can't figure him out. But he is way more dramatic and affectionate than I am on a regular basis. I keep everything to myself and brood, all of my emotions come out when I'm alone. But he's respectful of that, too. He knows how I am and that when I'm stuck out at sea he can't drag me back, I have to do the swimming for myself.

Edit: my husband is a social two, unsure on the wing.
 

Santosha

New member
Joined
Feb 1, 2011
Messages
1,516
MBTI Type
HUMR
Enneagram
6
Instinctual Variant
sx
[MENTION=6561]OrangeAppled[/MENTION] [MENTION=7140]brainheart[/MENTION]

You know, as I was reading through the oh so familiar struggles of E4, I was thinking to myself - I bet that 4w5's are much less touchy and demanding in relations than the 4w3 (like myself) simply because part of what aid in e4 growth is the ability to detach from ones emotions and see things more objectively.. an understanding that your emotions are not you.. which is quite a problem for e4's. I would think that 5 wing could really help that along .. where as being a 4w3 can in ways, even emphasize the need to be a priority to the parner and the need for encouragement and validation. On the flip side I think that 3 wing can really be beneficial when it comes to accomplishing goals and maintaining relations.

Anyhow, I'm going to include my experience with the different e-types when I get done working in a few.
 

Lady_X

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
18,235
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
784
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
my bf is a 4w5 i'd be interested in reading what you were reading.
 

Zarathustra

Let Go Of Your Team
Joined
Oct 31, 2009
Messages
8,110
I bet that 4w5's are much less touchy and demanding in relations than the 4w3 (like myself) simply because part of what aid in e4 growth is the ability to detach from ones emotions and see things more objectively.. an understanding that your emotions are not you.. which is quite a problem for e4's. I would think that 5 wing could really help that along ..

Think again...

Not that you're hypothesis doesn't make sense, but it really all comes down to health level...

:yes:

On the flip side I think that 3 wing can really be beneficial when it comes to accomplishing goals and maintaining relations.

Hmm...

Interesting point...

:thinking:
 
G

Ginkgo

Guest
Don't forget the possibility that a wing 5 may just overintellectualize emotions to the point of inflating them as even bigger than emotions. Interestingly enough, sometimes 5s become attached to the idea of detachment; all of the enneagrams have that sort of self-undermining symmetry. In the end, the most important thing is the choices that an individual makes, which includes how they handle their feelings.
 

Santosha

New member
Joined
Feb 1, 2011
Messages
1,516
MBTI Type
HUMR
Enneagram
6
Instinctual Variant
sx
Not that you're hypothesis doesn't make sense, but it really all comes down to health level...
:thinking:

Yes, level of health will always be the deciding factor. But I think its fair to say that the majority of people are not uber-healthy, and fall into the average range, with the typical fixations. So what I mean is that the 4w5 (5's fixation being knowlege, autonomy, freedom) would be a natural quality to aid in the 4's fixations (of seeking the perfect, idealized romantic relation) as the 5 might dim-down that emotional intensity and demand. However, I also see that at a unhealhty level this could seriously backfire.. causing the 4w5 to sit in detached reflection and contemplation to the point of never even getting that romantic relation rolling.

Edit: [MENTION=8031]Ginkgo[/MENTION] - just saw yours
 
B

brainheart

Guest
Yes, level of health will always be the deciding factor. But I think its fair to say that the majority of people are not uber-healthy, and fall into the average range, with the typical fixations. So what I mean is that the 4w5 (5's fixation being knowlege, autonomy, freedom) would be a natural quality to aid in the 4's fixations (of seeking the perfect, idealized romantic relation) as the 5 might dim-down that emotional intensity and demand. However, I also see that at a unhealhty level this could seriously backfire.. causing the 4w5 to sit in detached reflection and contemplation to the point of never even getting that romantic relation rolling.

Yeah, maybe. When I am in a healthy relationship, I am extremely low maintenance (like orangeappled said about herself). But part of my being easy is that I'm really withdrawn/in my head. So I may seem fine, but that's also because I don't share. Fifteen years deep with my husband I still struggle to tell him when I'm depressed (which is most of the time), probably mainly because then he wants to fix it and he gets frustrated because he thinks if I would just get up and do things and accomplish shit it would go away. (he's the type of person who actually finishes everything he starts, something I cannot even remotely comprehend.)

I feel like I have decent energy when it comes to get a relationship 'rolling'. My guess this has to do with being the sexual variant. It's all the other stuff in my life that I have hard time acting on.
 

Adasta

New member
Joined
Oct 20, 2010
Messages
393
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
E4's.. what are your thoughts or experiences with your e-type and others? Do you think there is a natural compatibility between these types?

I'm a 4w5. Here's a couple I remember and whose types I have worked out:

ISFP 4w3: This was extremely volatile within the realm of hurt feelings and wounded pride. I would often be baffled at her need to be seen by others when she was clearly upset deep down. She would then start "showing off" in front of other people, which I found oddly disrespectful because it invalidated the intensity of our mutual emotional understanding regarding her "wounded at the core" sentiments. Then she would become very upset, crying because I would turn to my 5 wing ("Your emotions are invalid and offensive. I am removing myself from this situation.") and give her the cold shoulder. I would then feel bad and see the good in her once again. Then we would make up in a rather passionate fashion. I found this all very draining and her behaviour was irritatingly shallow at times. She saw a great depth in me and a huge well for understanding, but her lack of respect for my values spelled disaster.

ENFP 7: This was fun. I began to withdraw because I thought the 7 did not really like me in a romantic sense. She was always surrounded by guys very different to me (I believe they would be "frat boys" if they were American) and I thought "Why would she want me?" All these guys were in good shape and wanted to go clubbing all the time. I thought that's what she wanted from a bloke. Nevertheless, she seemed quite drawn to me, and would often seek me out if we were in the same club together. She would come to my house (we had mutual friends) and sit with me on the sofa while we watched a film or spontaneously stroke my hair if I were sitting on the floor with her. She was terribly, terribly sweet and so bouncy in that ENFP way. I had concerns that her extroversion would be too demanding and that my need to be holed up in my bedroom with a book and no distractions might irritate her.
 

redacted

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 28, 2007
Messages
4,223
My last relationship was with a 4w3 (INFP), and I must say I probably wasn't the best match for her. It started out really cool -- I think the way she thought about philosophy and ethics was changed drastically by my ideals. And I learned to loosen the hold I had over my emotions (a little :)). But once the loop of drama started, I began micromanaging and she began rebelling, which just led to more micromanaging and rebellion. She was scared I couldn't accept her, so she began testing me to see whether she was right, but the tests themselves made me not accept her, etc. etc.

It certainly wasn't a good conflict solving combination.
 

OrangeAppled

Sugar Hiccup
Joined
Mar 20, 2009
Messages
7,626
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Yes, level of health will always be the deciding factor. But I think its fair to say that the majority of people are not uber-healthy, and fall into the average range, with the typical fixations. So what I mean is that the 4w5 (5's fixation being knowlege, autonomy, freedom) would be a natural quality to aid in the 4's fixations (of seeking the perfect, idealized romantic relation) as the 5 might dim-down that emotional intensity and demand. However, I also see that at a unhealhty level this could seriously backfire.. causing the 4w5 to sit in detached reflection and contemplation to the point of never even getting that romantic relation rolling.

Yes, the main issue I have had is not ever venturing to risk relationships or being open enough to sustain one for long; there's a sort of romanticizing of the tragic lone wolf figure, and relationships threaten that identity a little. I remember reading in the Everything Enneagram book that both 4s & 5s have a tendency to form relationships in their heads to avoid real ones, so it's a double whammy with 4w5s. Once in one though, being withdrawn & uncommunicative about my needs is more of an issue than melodrama or testing. I don't expect mind-reading, but I'm so used to being self-contained & self-reliant. The resentment builds when I feel I've given more of myself to the person than they're giving to me, & I've lost my sense of self. When I've tried to assert myself & my needs, then it's been too late; but in the most recent case, I think it was also due to an inflexibility of the person I was dealing with (the INFJ 3w4). This is why, while I am not high maintenance or demanding, I need to feel I'm a priority with someone, that they can match the level of feeling I am willing to put in, because I don't like to risk being the one who cares more.
 

tiquismiquis

New member
Joined
May 17, 2012
Messages
1
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
My experience as a 4w5 in relationships...

Like the typical 4w5, most of my relationships were in my fantasies. I always tended to fawn over guys I couldn't get-- there was the illustrious 5w6 intellectual who was too old for me, the spunky 6w7 who turned out to be gay, the considerate 9w1 who found me too detached and cerebral... I had very little luck.

My first true relationship was with a 7w8. What drew me in was his energy and ambition. (I have a 7 in my tritype, so the energy was something we shared.) He was popular, outgoing, and handsome, and for a 4w5, it meant the world to me. I was a socially awkward nerd girl, and when this popular guy started paying attention to me, it felt amazing. Dating him brought me a lot of confidence and brought me out of my shell. I began to learn the ways of the extroverted world and found that I kind of liked it. In small doses.

As time passed, I began to discover the places where we didn't quite match up. I was never quite sure how I felt about him. Something seemed missing from our relationship. I wanted someone more like me; someone who could understand me. I wanted someone I could analyze and hypothesize with, but he wasn't a deep thinker. He thought all my deep thoughts and imaginings were silly and that I should focus on the real world. He didn't like the fact that I needed space. He was quick to confront and accuse-- when I told him I didn't want to give up my virginity, he pulled me into a "you don't love me" kind of deal. Our relationship became a power struggle-- him fighting for me to commit to him, and me fighting for some space. It got even worse after I found out he'd been cheating on me.

I was never sure if I loved him or not. The relationships in my head were much more fulfilling than the one with him. My one-sided infatuations with guy friends were blissful to me. Those guy friends never probed me about what I was feeling or dragged me to places I didn't want to go. They never demanded to see my private inner view-- something I could never share. But he did.

The weird thing is that he was the emotionally intense one. He started off cool, collected, and charming, with a little mystery under the surface. That drew me in. Then he became grandiose and narcissistic. He was flirtatious, vain, and constantly concerned with what others thought of him, although detached from me. I wasn't sure if I mattered, and I knew he didn't understand me. I began to pull away. When his abusive father came back into town, he broke. He became clingy, jealous, and obsessive. He demanded my love and wept and begged at every turn. Finally, I couldn't take much more of his drama.

I was the one to break it off. I never looked back. All I felt was freedom. He tried to get me back for the next year and a half, claiming that I had ruined all other girls for him. He was entranced by the "enigma" image of me; the way I came close, but just wouldn't let him into my head. I don't think I loved him. Not as much as I loved what was inside my head.
 

spherey

New member
Joined
Sep 25, 2013
Messages
1
Thanks, all, for your insights. I am new to the forum and comparatively new to the enneagram, but have gained a lot from studying the types, their motivations, and our relationships.

I found this thread from a google search, and came here because I am trying to save a relationship with a 4w5 who I love very much. So much of what you've all said (maybe especially Adasta and OrangeAppled) rings true; I see and feel those same patterns.

Would anyone be willing to say more about what helps you to feel connection, or to feel safe enough to allow connection, and the ways in which you find it most important to connect? I am trying to be present and patient and to hold the space for my 4, but I wish that there was more I could do to help her to open up and let herself go deeper. I want that connection too, very much, but it feels like she's simultaneously longing for something and closing herself off to it.

Thanks to you all again.
 
Last edited:

Animal

So carnal it's spiritual
Joined
Mar 9, 2013
Messages
650
MBTI Type
SeFi
Enneagram
4
I'm almost 33. I had a two-year relationship when I was 29, and we knew it was "temporary" from day one. I've left everyone else within a couple months, or simply never committed in the first place. I've dated gorgeous, beautiful, brilliant, employed, well-mannered men. I've received genuine marriage proposals.. more than I care to admit, considering that I'm usually single and I probably need to own up to the fact that I will simply never be satisfied; no one will ever be 'enough.'

I only recently realized I was a 4.. I had mistyped at id types because of my drive, dedication to work, sexual lust, energy etc. I've dated other 4s and those are the only people who were more difficult than I was and really got under my skin. A 4w5 managed to break my heart.

I have lots of lust and a strong intimacy drive, but after the passion 'fades' - which only takes a couple months - I am prone to go back to my old ways - I like doing most things alone, I don't like anyone asking me what time I'm coming home, I'm hopelessly independent, I need lots of time alone with my creative projects, I need my daily long walks with headphones, I prefer going to social events by myself, I need full control of my eating habits and times, etc.
 

boondocked

New member
Joined
Mar 27, 2009
Messages
110
MBTI Type
NP
Enneagram
4w3
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Thanks, all, for your insights. I am new to the forum and comparatively new to the enneagram, but have gained a lot from studying the types, their motivations, and our relationships.

I found this thread from a google search, and came here because I am trying to save a relationship with a 4w5 who I love very much. So much of what you've all said (maybe especially Adasta and OrangeAppled) rings true; I see and feel those same patterns.

Would anyone be willing to say more about what helps you to feel connection, or to feel safe enough to allow connection, and the ways in which you find it most important to connect? I am trying to be present and patient and to hold the space for my 4, but I wish that there was more I could do to help her to open up and let herself go deeper. I want that connection too, very much, but it feels like she's simultaneously longing for something and closing herself off to it.

Thanks to you all again.

[Caveat: Not all of this applies to all fours, and not all fours have the same struggles -- I'm really just riffing off of what I've learned in my own life - YMMV]

I think for the most part, us fours get our satisfaction from intense emotions, and from cottoning ourselves within a heightened atmosphere of our own making. Though it looks volatile, it feels safe.

Or maybe it's like a greenhouse that we build over the course of our lives, pane by pane, that allows us to control our emotional temperature -- to manufacture the conditions we feel we need to thrive, no matter what the actual elements of our lives -- and then we lock ourselves in. I think (and this is only my opinion!) that in order to be loving partners, we have to get out.

Does your 4w5 have any creative outlet? If not, she probably needs one. That's one way to get out. To lose yourself in something that isn't yourself. Volunteering is another way. Do it together. Empathy is as strong an emotion as any, and not manufactured from within, but instead drawn out, a natural response to the pain of those around us.

Or the corollary, surprise her with joy. If she's a four of any wing, she's probably sensitive of beauty. Know what gives you sharp joy, and share it with her. Let her see you feel it too.

When it's stormy, find a way to let her know that this too shall pass. Remind her, as gently as only you, her partner, can, that feelings are not final.

Basically, if you work together on her growth (and remember not to neglect your own!), the relationship will improve. Instead of focusing on building the perfect relationship designed to draw her out, help her learn to draw herself out. IF that’s what she wants. If that isn’t what she wants, that’s also okay and perfectly valid, but you have to decide if you can live with that.

/sprawling, probably mostly personal treatise that I hope does help anyway
 

mudrost

New member
Joined
Oct 12, 2013
Messages
2
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4w3
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Many of my relationships start out beautifully, and can be very insightful and wonderful for some time.. but eventually the reality of my partner comes shattering down, and I have found very few people that seem to need the intensity and involvement that I prefer. (Only the 2 and the 6 actually). I have often struggled to get my needs met, and I know part of this is learning to detach from my feelings and embrace reality more, but it is definately one of the greatest struggles of my life.

Story of my life.. Things always start out so great in the beginning when it's all endless fascination, intense involvement, that rush of figuring each other out - but then eventually, people always fall into comfort and complacency. It's so frustrating for me, because that never happens for me. So far, I've only met one person who was able to meet me on that level. Yes, I feel incredibly lucky. :wubbie:

E4's.. what are your thoughts or experiences with your e-type and others? Do you think there is a natural compatibility between these types?

I tend to be attracted to reactive (8s and some 6s) & competency types (3s and 1s). I think I just need someone who can mirror my intensity, and strives to keep things exciting, stimulating, to not fall into routine just as much as I do. I think it's more important to look at instinctual stackings with regards to relationship compatibility. I'm personally more attracted to Sx-doms and So/Sx types, because they can see the value and strive towards keeping that spark and intensity, more than Sx-lasters.
 
Top