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  1. #51
    brainheart
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiltyred View Post
    I'm also 4w5 sp/so or sp/sx.

    I do find it a monumental effort, though. It seems like it takes Herculean skills just to pay bills on time and keep a positive bank balance. (Don't explain it to me -- it's not that I don't know how, it's that I have trouble implementing, I don't know why.)

    But at the same time, I purposely chose a job that doesn't demand ambition and has basically nowhere to go (because I'm not interested in going anywhere with a career -- I want to set it and forget it, which is kind of what I've done).

    I think there is no question but that I was sx when I was younger. I don't know if those things can change, but I have realized what all that acting out does and have stopped it, and I stop the opportunities for it to happen before they happen, so, like, that shit has come to a dead halt and is no more and will not be again.

    I stay out of group situations completely because I find them so excruciating, though. I have the same thing others talked about where I agonize over something I said and am in one long cringing omg over it and it's entirely overboard -- but at the same time, see, I know people remember that stuff, because I have tested it -- if I say "Do you remember that time I said blah blah?" they will remember it. So I just don't do it anymore -- I don't enjoy it and I suffer afterwards, so I don't see any reason. Except that when I need help, there's no one to turn to. But I always figure it out. That's to me not a reason to try to engage other people, so that I will have them around in case I need help.

    I don't know. It's difficult. It's interesting to read other 4s. Thanks for disclosing!

    I relate to all of this substantially. Thank you!
    But I'm also thinking everything was just way more extreme when I was younger- the sp was more reckless, the sx more obsessed... Now I'm getting in more of a state of equinimity.

  2. #52
    Senior Member Silveresque's Avatar
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    @OrangeAppled, I'm exactly the same as what you described for Sp and So, and I would have bolded almost the exact same parts. I don't relate to any of the Sx parts, though. Still, it seems we're pretty much the same in Sp and So, but we've interpreted them differently, so now I'm not really sure what to think. I also don't really want to commit to being socially involved, but I feel like I have to because I don't want to be completely alone. Does this mean I'm not an So-dom, or is that not really what it's about?

    I would have bolded the exact same parts for Sp. Only a few differences for So:

    Social
    Average levels: "totally unique"-gift and burden. Most socially active and engaged of type. Long to be involved; feel don't know how. Constantly compare self to others, never as good. Believe (due to shame) don't know how to function like others. May become attracted to alternative groups to compensate. Both defend defects and feel disadvantaged by them.
    Unhealthy: withdraw almost completely due to fear of rejection. Insecurities make them unable to work in any inconsistent way. Often become dependent on family, friends, sig other. Isolation along with fantasies of achievement may cause them to waste their lives.

  3. #53
    brainheart
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    Double post.

  4. #54
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by brainheart View Post
    Maybe you've never really been unhealthy? (i don't know, of course.)

    I think the theory of instinct riso-hudson follow is whatever your dominant instinct is, it swings like a pendulum. Healthy, you're really good at that instinct, it's natural, easy, just happens. Average, you focus on it too much. Unhealthy, it's like it explodes.

    So..

    Sx- look to relationship to solve all areas of life. No relationship can do that. Lack of balance in other areas leads to relationship problems. (want soul mate. Get soul mate. Not soul mate.)

    So- look to community, belonging to solve all areas in life. Belonging can't do that. Lack of balance in other areas leads to social problems. (want to belong. Belong, but don't feel like it. And don't really want to belong. Hide from society. No longer belong.)

    Sp- look to handling personal welfare needs to solve all areas in life. Lack of balance in other areas leads to personal welfare problems. (want comfort. Get comfort. Comfort is boring. Shake it up. No longer comfortable.)
    Oh, no, I've been "unhealthy" . I think everyone has unstable moments/phases, at least....

    This description would make me sp/sx then, as it's in line with my general understanding of myself & the instinctual types. Like I said, I can relate to the unhealthy bits of the sp type when I am stressed. The pendulum definitely swings the other way then. Sx is very true of me in this way also, except I think the pendulum is less extreme being that it's my second instinct. The focus that occupies my mind least is the social one. I mean, it's nice "& stuff", just not anything I see as meeting main needs, so it's on the backburner in my head.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  5. #55
    brainheart
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    I decided to just go ahead and leave what I related to:

    Quote Originally Posted by brainheart View Post
    Abridged versions of wisdom of the enneagram type four instincts:

    Self preservation: practical, building a nest. introverted obsessive about physical surroundings. Desire for emotional intensity makes them reckless. Self indulgent; fall into poor eating habits and health routines- serve as compensation for unlived life.
    Unhealthy: alcohol abuse. Attracted to danger. Extremely irresponsible. Total disregard for needing a livelihood. May not show up to work or pay bills.

    Social
    Average levels: "totally unique"-gift and burden. feel don't know how to belong. Believe don't know how to function like others. Both defend defects and feel disadvantaged by them.
    Unhealthy: withdraw almost completely due to fear of rejection. Insecurities make them unable to work in any inconsistent way. Often become dependent on sig other. Isolation along with fantasies of achievement may cause them to waste their lives.

    Sexual
    Average levels- romanticism, intensity and longing. Sweetly vulnerable and impressionable but also dynamic. Unlikely to let their romantic fantasies remain fantasies. lives revolve around their infatuation (when infatuated, which is rare. -Bh). Sensual. Strive for accomplishments that will make them acceptable to the other. Attracted to the unavailable.
    Unhealthy: Prone to rapid shift in feelings for others.

  6. #56
    brainheart
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    This description would make me sp/sx then, as it's in line with my general understanding of myself & the instinctual types. Like I said, I can relate to the unhealthy bits of the sp type when I am stressed. The pendulum definitely swings the other way then. Sx is very true of me in this way also, except I think the pendulum is less extreme being that it's my second instinct. The focus that occupies my mind least is the social one. I mean, it's nice "& stuff", just not anything I see as meeting main needs, so it's on the backburner in my head.
    This is what I've always thought for myself, too, but then I was wondering if I was misunderstanding the social instinct in four or something. But that makes sense. I'm picturing three bouncy balls. The dominant instinct bounces the highest, the second less, the third the least. They're all bouncing, but the thrust put into the bouncing is noticeably different.

  7. #57
    Senior Member Silveresque's Avatar
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    Maybe I'm Sp/So?

    I've noticed when I'm feeling stressed/unhealthy, I get extremely lazy and irresponsible, and I procrastinate on everything I don't want to do for as long as I can, or until I'm in the right mood. I also become increasingly withdrawn and isolated, and have no desire to be around people or socialize. Normally, I plan a time to do things I have to do, and I do them at that time, without procrastinating (well, with less, anyways). But I suppose I'm normally pretty withdrawn and isolated even when I'm not stressed/unhealthy, so maybe that pendulum is less extreme.

  8. #58
    Senior Member Silveresque's Avatar
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    You know what, I think I'm going to be Sp/So now.

    ...I've lost track of how many times I've changed my variant.

  9. #59
    Member Matt_s's Avatar
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    1) What is your type (4w3 or 4w5) and instinctual variant, and how positive are you that your variant is accurate?

    4w5 sp/so. Pretty sure by the standard of having taken cursory glances at enneagram theory and having tested consistently so over a couple of years.

    2) How would you describe your overall focus when alone versus in social situations? EDIT: What are you focused on/thinking about?

    When alone I'm generally not as self-conscious. I constantly dwell on how I'm presenting myself in social situations. I'm much better at developing ideas alone. Using less RAM on elbow location.

    3) How would you describe your interaction style when in a group?

    An outlier. Decisive when a decision seems arbitrary to me just to move things along. Not really driving discourse as much as decorating it. I'm much more into pulling people aside unless it's absolutely necessary to go into detail about something in a group setting.

    4) How would you describe your interaction style in one-on-one situations?

    I ask questions. I relate personal experiences that I see as relevant. I'm much more warm than in group settings. I like having people all to myself.

    5) How well does this description of your variant fit you?


    8/10. It may overstate my practicality but I'm highly depressive.

    6) How did you decide on your variant? Was there anything that gave it away, or else made you change your mind from what you previously thought it was?


    Just tested and it seemed right. Could flip the so and sp but sx is out of the picture. I'm not volatile and I don't care about "things" all that much.

  10. #60
    brainheart
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    Now that I finally have this figured out, here we go:

    Edit: I don't have it figured out at all. I use all of them. This instinct thing completely confuses me.
    Last edited by brainheart; 11-01-2011 at 09:52 AM.

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