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  1. #1
    Senior Member BAJ's Avatar
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    Default The deliverance of 4

    How can one be a happy 4? What is essential?

    I prefer recommendations outside of anti-depressants...

  2. #2
    Senior Member Santosha's Avatar
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    I don't know. I'm fairly certain I'm a 4 and I'm not "unhappy" per say. Infact, I can't even really look at my life and think happy, sad, content, etc. My moods seem to fluctuate so much it's hard to say. My life seems more marked by searching and struggling, but with a hopeful light at the end of the tunnel that I forever chase. No matter how down and out I can get at times, that light always seems to keep me moving, trying, and that seems to keep me happy? For me its about progress. It always seems to come down to progress. As long as there is something to improve and throw that emotional energy into, be that traveling or working out or going to school or jumping into hobbies.. i am happy. I'd say that I have a much greater fear of what life might look like If I don't have any progress to make. Like, I don't ever want to see a picture of "making it" because the day I wake up and have nothing to improve on, is the day I die. But I don't know, maybe I'm not a core 4. When I look at this it almost seems like 3 traits? What do you think? I always thought I was 4w3....
    Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun - Watts

  3. #3
    Senior Member Santosha's Avatar
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    On a side note, I am also intersted if their are any really content 4's out there. How does one really pull that off?
    Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun - Watts

  4. #4
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
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    It may not be true for everyone, but for me as a 4, the more independent I have become, the happier. In other words, the fewer people whose approval I depend on, the better.

  5. #5
    Senior Member VagrantFarce's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Huxley3112 View Post
    On a side note, I am also intersted if their are any really content 4's out there. How does one really pull that off?
    Of course there are! It's all about emotional temperance. Take control of yourself and live for the moment, instead of something you feel you can never have.
    Hello

  6. #6
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Integration of 1 traits provides balance. You can actively, consciously work to integrate 1 traits.

    Here are a few positive 1 traits & how I think they counter 4 tendencies which can prevent happiness & fulfillment:

    - being self-disciplined and able to accomplish a great deal - The 4 needs to learn self-discipline - not giving into moods. If they do this, they will accomplish more, coming closer to their ideal self, which will ease feelings of defectiveness & depression.

    - working hard to make the world a better place - The 4 needs to learn to take action in the external world instead of wallowing in feelings & fantasy. Taking action, especially unselfish action, will make them less self-absorbed, and the positive results will again make them feel less defective, less disconnected from other people, less of a phony in relation to their ideals, etc. They will have REAL accomplishments to support their unique self-image.

    - having high standards and ethics; not compromising myself - The 4 already has high standards they have a hard time living up to, which can depress them. The 1 type uses structure to meet their standards, adjusting to the external if necessary, and this is what the 4 needs to do also. They need to accept some external systems to meet goals instead of rejecting, rebelling & withdrawing in a stubborn insistence on being unique & doing it in their own way.

    - being reasonable, responsible, and dedicated in everything I do - This is related to the above points. The 4 needs to be realistic about the goals they set & reasonable about how to meet them, and they need to follow through on accomplishing things even when not in the "mood".

    - being able to put facts together, coming to good understandings, and figuring out wise solutions - The 4 needs to get outside perspective. They need to be aware of all facts, not just those which suit their romantic views. They need to work towards solutions in reality, figuring out the baby steps, not becoming overwhelmed & despairing that the world is at odds with their ideals.

    - being the best I can be and bringing out the best in other people - The 4 needs to accept the best of who they are, letting go a bit of their impossible ideal. They need to focus more on others, which again, eases self-absorption & boosts self-esteem when the 4 sees they are valued by others. This will help the 4 to connect with people & feel accepted, which is something they long for but may have felt was impossible before.

    You will notice here that the focus of the 1 is external (others, the world, behavioral standards), whereas the focus of the 4 is internal (identity, feelings, self-expression). This is why 1 traits will balance out 4 traits.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

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  7. #7
    From the Undertow CuriousFeeling's Avatar
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    How can one be a happy 4? What is essential?
    Integrating into 1 traits, like OrangeApplied has mentioned.

    For me, personally, what has helped is the following:

    - Setting realistic dreams and expectations out of life.
    Even though I may yearn for the impossible, or to have everything I identify with (interests, ideas, etc) to be more widely accepted and loved, I realize that everyone is into different things, just like me. Knowing that it isn't just me who is different, puts everything into perspective, I know that it would be rather difficult to get everyone to love everything there is in the world. Also, imagining if the rest of the world operated the same way as I do, having the same interests and the like, as me, would ultimately make me lose my sense of identity because everyone else is just like me. So just embracing my eclectic qualities as well as my flaws helps me to cope with things. The truth is, there are some dreams that we all yearn to obtain, but some may be almost too grandiose to execute in the real world. It does pain me that some of these dreams I have may not always be possible, but life in itself isn't always fair.

    - Constructively deal with emotions and dreams.
    With knowing that there are some dreams that may seem difficult to realize in present reality, what I end up doing is finding ways to make them come true in small ways. The fantasies that I wish to realize I end up making them come true at least in literature and in art and music. Wishing to collaborate with some of my favorite musicians, for instance... I end up integrating their styles into my own work, and essentially it is a way of working with them, at least in spirit.
    When I feel quite depressed about things in life, I end up creating art out of it. Sometimes the best works I have created have arose from some of the most painful moments of my life. It's sort of the light in the darkness. I also get more involved in productive activities that help get things done, rather than wallowing in negative emotions. It may be difficult to concentrate completely, but giving myself a great deal of self-discipline helps. Focusing my energy towards reachable expectations and goals makes me feel more empowered. Then the dreams turn to reality.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    Johari/Nohari

    “Thoughts are the shadows of our feelings -- always darker, emptier and simpler.”
    ― Friedrich Nietzsche




  8. #8
    Senior Member Zangetshumody's Avatar
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    To overcome the endless rehearsal's and daydreaming about coming off a certain way to others, one needs to master calmness. Calmness is basically comprised of 2 elements, apathy and hope. So when you find yourself fantasizing about being perceived positively by others in your dreamt up conversations, think to yourself: No, I don't care to fantasize, I will rather have a more spontaneous and real interaction with people in the future; I don't care to rehearse anything anymore, I will instead be hopeful and at peace (calmness).
    Escape powerful genjitsu by averting your gaze from the eyes.

  9. #9
    Senior Member BAJ's Avatar
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    I just want to chime in and say that I'm reading everything.

    Aren't I supposed to find a magical, wonderful S.O. with #1 traits, who will redeem me?

    Kidding...

    Yes, I have a great deal of difficulty with "self-discipline". I have a tendancy of not being able to apply myself to any definite schedule or plan.

    The other 1 traits look possible.

    Maybe I can personify them as an aspect of myself or an imaginary friend.

    BAJ4 say, "Hey we can write novel, and it will the win the Nobel prize, so we need to reherse our acceptance speech."

    BAJ1 says, "That is unrealistic my dear."

    Anyway, I'll be reading this and other posts, and see what I can integrate for my happiness.

  10. #10
    Senior Member wildflower's Avatar
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    i'd say follow your bliss. for me that would include things like spending time in nature, looking at or creating art, getting lost in a great novel, listening to some music that i love, etc. sometimes i have a hard time making time for those things though.

    what brings you happiness?

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