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  1. #11
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    My sister has called me a shy volcano.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  2. #12
    brainheart
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    Quote Originally Posted by Domino View Post
    My 3 guards the door so my 4 won't get hurt over and over.
    Interesting. My five wing works the same way. (I think my 1 gut does lots of guarding, too.) Problem is, if the door's guarded all the time it's pretty hard to have any action going on.

    I can't expose myself without grave harm. I have the added conflict of being a SX. I want to pull people and things inside myself, but there's so much risk involved.
    I hear that.

  3. #13
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    Not a 4w3 either, but I can imagine how it can be very hard. Fours need to feel unique and authentic, but at the same time, the Three wing compels them to look for acceptance as well. These things sometimes do not go together. What if people decide they don't like your 'authentic, unique' self? Do you put up a facade or do you insist on being your true self and be rejected? It can become a lose-lose situation
    4w5 sp/sx EII

  4. #14
    Senior Member animenagai's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by foxonstilts View Post
    I know a 4w3 and his w3 influences him so that, in his words, he feels like he "has something to prove" to the world. Also, she has low self-esteem but a very confident facade/ego.

    Not being one, I can't really talk about the conflict, only comment on what I've been told about it.
    That would be accurate. No matter what I'm doing, I feel like I have to prove myself. This happens with school, work, general socialising, hobbies... list goes on. I have to constantly tell myself to let my ego go and just live a little. I'm developing my natural 9 side a bit more and it's definitely better now, but yeah, that's a legit description.
    Chimera of Filth

    A gruesome beast with dripping flesh
    Clings to me as a sick fixture
    My throbbing heart it gnawed apart
    It stalks and hunts me through mirrors

  5. #15
    brainheart
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    I've been mulling over this thread and I really see this 4 hiding behind the three facade manifest in a 4w3 musician I happen to really dig. In his music, writing, all you really see is the four, and I relate to him so absurdly well, it's like we're soul mates, but then in concerts the three dominates. He becomes this showman/ crowd pleaser and it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I know he's hiding, protecting himself, but hiding behind three is so different than hiding behind five, like I do. It seems so fake, while when you withdraw (as I do) it seems more authentic, I guess. You're not prostituting yourself for the throngs.

    The three fixation is just a hard one for me to grasp, because I really do go the opposite direction: crowd-pleaser vs feeling the pull to do the opposite of what the crowd wants.

  6. #16
    Senior Member animenagai's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by brainheart View Post
    I've been mulling over this thread and I really see this 4 hiding behind the three facade manifest in a 4w3 musician I happen to really dig. In his music, writing, all you really see is the four, and I relate to him so absurdly well, it's like we're soul mates, but then in concerts the three dominates. He becomes this showman/ crowd pleaser and it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I know he's hiding, protecting himself, but hiding behind three is so different than hiding behind five, like I do. It seems so fake, while when you withdraw (as I do) it seems more authentic, I guess. You're not prostituting yourself for the throngs.

    The three fixation is just a hard one for me to grasp, because I really do go the opposite direction: crowd-pleaser vs feeling the pull to do the opposite of what the crowd wants.
    Chimera of Filth

    A gruesome beast with dripping flesh
    Clings to me as a sick fixture
    My throbbing heart it gnawed apart
    It stalks and hunts me through mirrors

  7. #17
    brainheart
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    ^ that sounded ruder than I meant it to. I think many 4w3s are amazing, I envy their drive and ability to accomplish. And their social skills. I lack the ability to say things gracefully. Often.

    I was just trying to say it's a foreign orientation to me, the w3. And sometimes it seems glaringly contradictory to the 4, I guess the active extroversion vs the withdrawal. It must be a weird dichotomy to feel. Then again, though, my head and heart engage in constant fisticuffs so it's not like four and five live in perfect harmony, either.

  8. #18
    Stansmith
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    Not a 4w3, but this is how I relate to it through my fix:

    self assured vs. self aware

    People describe me as vain, delicate or 'posh', but I feel exceptionally awkward.

    charming - charming

    I'm either the most charming man in the room, or the least.

    ambitious vs authentic

    A part of me wants material success, but I also desire actualization and a sense that I'm inherently separate from whatever profession or craft that I'm involved in. Ideally, I would want to be known by my name, or presence, not as some architect or filmmaker.

    outgoing vs reserved

    Sure.

    competent vs witholding self and at times, melancholy

    More melancholy, but I can appear competent.

    energetic vs mellow

    Yes.

    status conscious vs self conscious

    Too self conscious to gain any sort of status.

    advancement driven vs individually driven

    Yes.

    define life by success vs define life by being different

    Mhmm. By definition, I would say I want to live a life of wonder, Beauty and transcendence, and success will obviously be necessary to some extent. I would even interpret 'success' as becoming an actualized individual.


    disconnects with true feelings and mirrors environement vs connects to true feelings and often rejects status quo environement

    I'm always focused on my own feelings.

  9. #19
    Musician Forever's Avatar
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    I feel that this is the better forum to see how I can better improve myself. Just reading the INFJ forums just doesn't get me too far. I am glad that there are other people who have their extremes oppose each other but want to compliment every one of them as well. It sometimes can be a very rewarding thing, but often I feel like I'm always "out of place" and nobody wants to stay with me to be their friend.

  10. #20
    Twerking & Lurking ayoitsStepho's Avatar
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    Being a 4w3 is the most rediculous thing to me. I'm always conflicted! I can put on that charm and grace and attract many people but when I realise that I haven't been true to who I am it bothers me. It's all a show. I'm actually insecure and want others to knock my walls down but you won't know it because I'm trying to make everyone believe I'm this out going and confident woman so that I'll be accepted. It goes back and forth depending on my over all health. In reality, I just want to be known and understood with all my imperfections.
    Quote Originally Posted by MacGuffin View Post
    ayoitsStepho is becoming someone else. Actually her true self, a rite of passage.

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