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Thread: 5 issues

  1. #1
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    Default 5 issues

    1. When you are involved with someone sexually and/or romantically, are you readily aware that you have developed feelings?
    2. Or, is it during moments of conflict that you become aware of the depths of your feelings.
    3. Also, if for whatever reason you don't want to have feelings for a certain person due to circumstances, are you at odds with yourself so to speak when you discover you have feelings anyway?
    4. Do you find that you push people away when emotions start to enter the picture?
    5. Do emotions cause you to feel a loss of control?
    6. Do you withdraw/create distance in order to regain control of your emotions within a relationship? Furthermore, would you pick an argument/fight to create distance in order to regain control of your emotions?
    7. Do you find most of your relationships to be on again / off again?
    8. When you look at the relationships you have had in the past were they mostly FBs and/or FWBs?
    9. Are you most comfortable with relationships that don't pull at your emotions?
    10. Would you say that you hide your emotions? If so, have you done this most of your life?
    11. If someone you cared for caused discomfort for you in the areas of emotions, would you likely retaliate and attempt to cause them discomfort in return?

  2. #2
    He who laughs
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    Quote Originally Posted by simbad View Post
    1. When you are involved with someone sexually and/or romantically, are you readily aware that you have developed feelings?
    2. Or, is it during moments of conflict that you become aware of the depths of your feelings.
    3. Also, if for whatever reason you don't want to have feelings for a certain person due to circumstances, are you at odds with yourself so to speak when you discover you have feelings anyway?
    4. Do you find that you push people away when emotions start to enter the picture?
    5. Do emotions cause you to feel a loss of control?
    6. Do you withdraw/create distance in order to regain control of your emotions within a relationship? Furthermore, would you pick an argument/fight to create distance in order to regain control of your emotions?
    7. Do you find most of your relationships to be on again / off again?
    8. When you look at the relationships you have had in the past were they mostly FBs and/or FWBs?
    9. Are you most comfortable with relationships that don't pull at your emotions?
    10. Would you say that you hide your emotions? If so, have you done this most of your life?
    11. If someone you cared for caused discomfort for you in the areas of emotions, would you likely retaliate and attempt to cause them discomfort in return?
    1. Yes
    2. No
    3. No
    4. No
    5. Yes/No. Depends more on the focus or the foundation of the relationship.
    6. First yes, but only from a focus of selfcontrol so not to hurt the other. Second, no. Id rather not be in a relationship then.
    7. No
    8. No
    9. This is a silly question. Look at question 6.
    10. No. Yes. (I know its a stupid answer, but I hide my emotions a lot of times, yes. But in relationships positive emotions are the driving force for a bond between us, so therefore no.)
    11. No thats highly illogical

  3. #3
    Member Catharsis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by simbad View Post
    1. When you are involved with someone sexually and/or romantically, are you readily aware that you have developed feelings?
    Yes.

    2. Or, is it during moments of conflict that you become aware of the depths of your feelings.
    No.

    3. Also, if for whatever reason you don't want to have feelings for a certain person due to circumstances, are you at odds with yourself so to speak when you discover you have feelings anyway?
    No, and that sounds more like a type 1 issue.

    4. Do you find that you push people away when emotions start to enter the picture?
    No, but requires certain circumstances to actually reveal what I feel about that person, if we're talking about romantic feelings. I might show it in other ways but usually don't state it explicitly.

    5. Do emotions cause you to feel a loss of control?
    I'm comfortable dealing with emotion in solitude, when around others evoking powerful (bad) emotion the automatic response is a state of emotional emptiness and apathy.

    6. Do you withdraw/create distance in order to regain control of your emotions within a relationship?
    Yes, to avoid scolding the other.

    Furthermore, would you pick an argument/fight to create distance in order to regain control of your emotions?
    No.

    7. Do you find most of your relationships to be on again / off again?
    No.

    8. When you look at the relationships you have had in the past were they mostly FBs and/or FWBs?
    Never.

    9. Are you most comfortable with relationships that don't pull at your emotions?
    I want to be able to share every piece of myself with a significant other, but naturally if the relationship is causing to much stress and negative emotion it would end quickly.

    10. Would you say that you hide your emotions? If so, have you done this most of your life?
    I'm selective when it comes to opening up, I need to feel that the other would be able to understand me and not be judgemental. But I wouldn't hide anything in a relationship.

    11. If someone you cared for caused discomfort for you in the areas of emotions, would you likely retaliate and attempt to cause them discomfort in return?
    No, that would be really immature. More likely I'd shrug it off if it was unintentional, or just shut them completely if it was deliberate.
    INFP 5w4 Sx/So

  4. #4
    Senior Member Mae's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by simbad View Post
    1. When you are involved with someone sexually and/or romantically, are you readily aware that you have developed feelings?
    2. Or, is it during moments of conflict that you become aware of the depths of your feelings.
    3. Also, if for whatever reason you don't want to have feelings for a certain person due to circumstances, are you at odds with yourself so to speak when you discover you have feelings anyway?
    4. Do you find that you push people away when emotions start to enter the picture?
    5. Do emotions cause you to feel a loss of control?
    6. Do you withdraw/create distance in order to regain control of your emotions within a relationship? Furthermore, would you pick an argument/fight to create distance in order to regain control of your emotions?
    7. Do you find most of your relationships to be on again / off again?
    8. When you look at the relationships you have had in the past were they mostly FBs and/or FWBs?
    9. Are you most comfortable with relationships that don't pull at your emotions?
    10. Would you say that you hide your emotions? If so, have you done this most of your life?
    11. If someone you cared for caused discomfort for you in the areas of emotions, would you likely retaliate and attempt to cause them discomfort in return?
    1. Not really, no. I am aware of the changes in my physical/emotional state, but I do not think "love", I think hormones.
    2. No.
    3. If I don't want to have feelings for someone, I won't. Or if I do, I can ignore them until they go away.
    4. Maybe. Probably. Not purposely.
    5. Sure, somewhat.
    6. That doesn't make much sense to me. Conflict is borne of emotion. Though, yeah, I probably would withdraw some so that I don't blow up and instigate something.
    7. Yes.
    8. No.
    9. Yeah, I guess so.
    10. Sure. But, I'm not a very emotional person to begin with. And when I have shown emotion/vulnerability, I consistently get stomped on. It's never been okay for me to express myself, so I've been pretty much forced to learn to hold it in.
    11. I really couldn't be bothered to do immature crap like that.
    I got my smile from the sunshine,
    I got my tears from the rain.
    I learned to dance when I saw a tiger prance,
    And a peacock taught me to be vain.
    A little owl in a tree so high,
    He taught me how to wink my eye.
    I learned to bill and coo from a turtledove,
    And a grizzly bear taught me how to hug.
    But the guy that lived two caves from me,
    He taught me how to love.

  5. #5
    Member Affably Evil's Avatar
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    I suspect you intended "relationship" to be primarily about a romantic or sexual relationship, though in this case I answered for any sort of relationship I might have with someone.

    1. When you are involved with someone sexually and/or romantically, are you readily aware that you have developed feelings?
    If I have developed deeper feelings, I am readily aware of it. What sort of deeper feelings, or how I want to see them manifested with regard to another person is not always so immediately apparent.

    2. Or, is it during moments of conflict that you become aware of the depths of your feelings.
    Never. In the immediate stress of interpersonal conflict I am more likely to disregard my personal feelings in order to scrutinize them over time in private.

    3. Also, if for whatever reason you don't want to have feelings for a certain person due to circumstances, are you at odds with yourself so to speak when you discover you have feelings anyway?
    I have not regretting having the feelings I've had. I've regretted outcomes, and situations, but not the feelings themselves. I am at odds with myself only when my emotional demands exceed what I want to ask for from others, and to what degree I can be emotionally self-sufficient while still sustaining enough reserves for others.

    4. Do you find that you push people away when emotions start to enter the picture?
    I assume you mean romantic emotions, rather than any deep emotions. I don't. I push people away when they start emotionally demanding more than I can willingly offer or entrust. But if my feelings are nurtured through warmth, support, and space, respecting emotional boundaries while still exercising thoughtfulness, I find I'll have deep wells of feeling available for them.

    5. Do emotions cause you to feel a loss of control?
    Not at all.

    6. Do you withdraw/create distance in order to regain control of your emotions within a relationship? Furthermore, would you pick an argument/fight to create distance in order to regain control of your emotions?
    I withdraw when I am being demanded of too much. I would never start a fight to create distance, I would only retreat so that I could reconsider my boundaries and process my emotions.

    7. Do you find most of your relationships to be on again / off again?
    Never.

    8. When you look at the relationships you have had in the past were they mostly FBs and/or FWBs?
    Never.

    9. Are you most comfortable with relationships that don't pull at your emotions?
    I'm most comfortable in relationships of trust. In these, feelings of warmth or love will naturally be able to blossom, become stronger with time, patience and respect, and grow deep roots. The more someone can affect my emotional state, the more I have invested in that relationship.

    10. Would you say that you hide your emotions? If so, have you done this most of your life?
    I don't hide my emotions, but I can be emotionally reserved with people I don't know well. Emotionally, I can be very private.

    11. If someone you cared for caused discomfort for you in the areas of emotions, would you likely retaliate and attempt to cause them discomfort in return?
    Never. If someone I cared for is causing discomfort, I'd either back off (most casual platonic relationships) or I'd have a serious discussion with them about my boundaries (only my very closest relationships.) Most situations do not cause me emotional discomfort unless that discomfort was on behalf of someone I cared about deeply.
    5w4 sx/sp

  6. #6
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by simbad View Post
    1. When you are involved with someone sexually and/or romantically, are you readily aware that you have developed feelings?
    2. Or, is it during moments of conflict that you become aware of the depths of your feelings.
    3. Also, if for whatever reason you don't want to have feelings for a certain person due to circumstances, are you at odds with yourself so to speak when you discover you have feelings anyway?
    4. Do you find that you push people away when emotions start to enter the picture?
    5. Do emotions cause you to feel a loss of control?
    6. Do you withdraw/create distance in order to regain control of your emotions within a relationship? Furthermore, would you pick an argument/fight to create distance in order to regain control of your emotions?
    7. Do you find most of your relationships to be on again / off again?
    8. When you look at the relationships you have had in the past were they mostly FBs and/or FWBs?
    9. Are you most comfortable with relationships that don't pull at your emotions?
    10. Would you say that you hide your emotions? If so, have you done this most of your life?
    11. If someone you cared for caused discomfort for you in the areas of emotions, would you likely retaliate and attempt to cause them discomfort in return?
    1. I have no interest in a romantic relationship unless I already have feelings. The desire for physical is an extension of my being aware I have feelings for them.

    2. I might be more aware of my feelings for them/the relationship itself in a conflict situation, in that I am aware of what all I would lose if we didn't resolve things. But to echo Affably Evil, I am not often able to nail down my immediate feelings re. a given situation, in the moment. I need to be on my own to process.

    3.This doesn't make much sense to me. If I have feelings but there is no way for things to work out / the situation is such that the feelings aren't reciprocated, then what can one do? I have to either get to a point where I no longer have feelings, or I no longer involve myself with the person.

    4.No. If there is mutual feeling / we both have similar ideas about the relationship, and both prioritize, then I embrace the feelings and work on the relationship. I only push away if things are out of sync and I sense the other person wants more out of the relationship than I do --i.e. I'm not able to give what they need.

    5.No. Other things make me feel a loss of control. Namely, my not knowing what the future holds and my feeling some sort of lack of balance in relationship dynamics.

    6. I require time to myself to process through things and to understand what exactly I'm feeling - about a situation. (This isn't tied to a baseline feeling of my having feelings for a person - which remains constant) I'm not able to process in the moment. I do not pick fights/start arguments.

    7.No

    8.No. None have been.

    9.Yes/No. I'm not a very emotionally demonstrative person, and it can be hard for me to talk about my feelings. So my relationships tend to be less of a let's-be-raw-and-talk-about-what-we're-feeling sort of thing. BUT, I value deep relationships where I have connections on many levels, including an emotional connection. So that is important to me. As is both people being on the same page and there not being a discrepancy or unbalance in feeling.

    10. See 9.

    11. Definitely not. This makes no sense to me.
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  7. #7
    Glycerine
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    I think you may need to think outside of the enneagram. It seems like you are overthinking the situation, he may have some serious issues outside of enneagram/personality theory, and/or or he's just not that into you.

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