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  1. #1
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    Default 7w6 relationship arcs

    the high-octane high-fun lively energy of e7s gets them going and once they do they usually keep going.

    how do they take hits? what really knocks them back? how do they learn to manage commitment and consistency? is it possible for them to survive without conditions that are well-suited to huge amounts of stimulation? are they really fun enough to make it in situations that are less so and what are the restrictions of this?

    i'm trying to get a sense of what their expectations and assumptions about relationships are and how those fit with their basic approach to maintaining their well-being and how that approach grows and matures in a healthy way as the bigger picture comes into focus with psychosocial and cognitive maturation.

    at what age is it reasonable for a 7w6 to consider trying to go the distance? is this even a goal? does it ever happen if it is not a specific goal? being so open and receptive to the moment, when does the longer-term story kick in and what effect does it have on managing what something is worth?

    my entp 7w6 sx/so friend and i have been talking about this a lot, and i'm trying to figure out what the experience is like from this perspective so other to me.

    have you, as a 7w6, really sat with the emotional turmoil after a relationship that you wanted to succeed? did you rush into other possibilities to find something else to want and pull you forward and kickstart your mood system again? would it ever be worth it to fully digest the experience and its significance to you at the expense of your personal liveliness in the present?

    so, 7w6s, what are your experiences and perspectives relating to these questions?

  2. #2
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    i can't speak for anyone else but i am a horrible sad person...i mean there are times in your life where things will inevitably make you sad...it's impossible to avoid but that feeling is like poison to me...it feels like death...i wither into myself and want to blow away like dust. it's like it's too much for my soul to take so it wants to disconnect....literally. i can't function in that state. so moving forward is survival instinct...must replenish and start fresh. it in no way means that i don't mourn loss or cherish everyone who's ever touched me. it may not seem as tho i look back but i do constantly...i miss everyone all the time...i'm crazy sentimental...i just cannot dwell in it.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  3. #3
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    I have a w8 and am sp/so but anyhoo...

    Quote Originally Posted by the state i am in View Post
    how do they take hits? what really knocks them back?
    Not situations or circumstance, emotional issues like depression are what knocks. Tough things being thrown at me can be dealt with in a never-ending kind of way, the only time that changes is when there is emotional drain happening as well.


    Quote Originally Posted by the state i am in View Post
    how do they learn to manage commitment and consistency?
    Do you mean in a relationship, or in general? Because they are two different things.

    In general I'd rather not commit to much as it restricts my options and consistency would eventually bore me, I look to the future at all times and see how things could change, then seek that change now.

    Relationships however are dynamic and ever-changing, committing to another isn't difficult when they capture my attention, I can't see myself ever making a life-long commitment to another though, I commit to you now, in the moment, and I do so with the expectation that tomorrow things will still be the same for me but I hold the right to change those goal posts if circumstances change. I don't see how consistency plays out in a relationship, every activity, every conversation, every day is different, the consistency only plays out in that it's you and me each time.


    Quote Originally Posted by the state i am in View Post
    is it possible for them to survive without conditions that are well-suited to huge amounts of stimulation?
    External stimulation engages our Ne, imagine the opposite question of an introvert in conditions with huge amounts of stimulation, yes it could be done but it would be draining and certainly not ideal. External stimulation generally makes for the happiest ENTP E7.

    Once again though, if you're talking about relationships this is being approached the wrong way, a relationship can provide that stimulation, people come with ideas or at the least they can talk which will give us ideas. Interaction, back-and-forth, banter... they all stimulate. If an ENTP E7 is in a relationship with someone by choice then that person does not bore them.

  4. #4
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    i can't speak for anyone else but i am a horrible sad person...i mean there are times in your life where things will inevitably make you sad...it's impossible to avoid but that feeling is like poison to me...it feels like death...i wither into myself and want to blow away like dust. it's like it's too much for my soul to take so it wants to disconnect....literally. i can't function in that state. so moving forward is survival instinct...must replenish and start fresh. it in no way means that i don't mourn loss or cherish everyone who's ever touched me. it may not seem as tho i look back but i do constantly...i miss everyone all the time...i'm crazy sentimental...i just cannot dwell in it.
    what happens if you do sit with it? is there anything to be gained from doing so?

    how much of the awfulness of the negative feelings and the emotional energetic deflation is the fear that it will never end? to me you get the emotional deflation and all that awesome mental energy can get turned negative really badly. yet it still seems important to learn the emotional ramifications of painful experiences somewhat too, but the mental energy draws a person away from that, i think. as a 5, at least, this is my experience. the head energy takes me away from the ability to truly feel, which takes me away from a primary source of personal truth. i want to understand better what it is like to be so positive and try to write only good emotional memories. i don't know how this feeling process works like that, because it seems like both are required to expand in order for the grounding, self-knowing quality of it to deepen.

    i know that everything is relative, and some things are more enjoyable, positive, and better at promoting good feeling, but all paths have processes laid out to free them from distortion. and i want to have a better sense of this because it is a counterbalancing force to the opposite kind of e5 gravity and deflated, nihilistic bent that i have overcome. the enneagrammatic connection between 5 and 7 is very interesting in terms of this extreme balancing process of intense optimism vs intense pessimism and has a major role in orienting individuals to balance their felt sense of their ability to act in the world (and the kind of pacing of action and impulsivity that orchestrates flow and all those fancy enlightenment jargons).

  5. #5
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    have you, as a 7w6, really sat with the emotional turmoil after a relationship that you wanted to succeed? did you rush into other possibilities to find something else to want and pull you forward and kickstart your mood system again? would it ever be worth it to fully digest the experience and its significance to you at the expense of your personal liveliness in the present?

    so, 7w6s, what are your experiences and perspectives relating to these questions?[/QUOTE]


    yes i have, as a 7w6 really sat with the emotional turmoil after a relationship that i wanted to succeed. No i did not rush into other possibilities to find something else. yes i am guilty of not fully processing my grief in the past or mourning over a relationship's end when i was younger but thanks to enneagram i knew that i wanted to change & i know i have to start doing things differently if i want to grow into the best possible version of me & i know that there will be pain & tears & at times i will feel i may die from heartache & or loneliness but in these moments of pain & crying & whimpering & sobbing i hear my little internal logical voice that says "just get through this" & i ALWAYS know that i'm not going to die from this discomfort. I've only done this the completely noble way to it's full & complete extent 1 time but i think i'm about to embark on this journey once again now, and i am not looking forward to it whatsoever- but i know i have no choice. The good news is that this type of pain is the only thing in life i've ever experienced that feels to change / alter me down to my core & that's a pretty sweet payoff.

  6. #6
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    yes i should clarify that i have gone through intense heartache and was incapable of escaping it...so yes i guess you'd say i sat with it...but it wasn't because i wanted to..and yes i felt like i would die and that i completely lacked the will to live...it drains me so completely. i think just as positive and optimistic as i can be...things like this can flip it and make me feel the exact opposite of my normal state....but the process of me coming out of it involves analyzing the hell out of it...taking "myself" out of the equation and thinking of all the reasons it happened and why and what it means that it did and what i learned and why it's okay...a sort of reshaping of views...past, present, future and spiritual...and yes i believe there's a tremendous amount of emotional growth that comes from it.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  7. #7
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by revolve View Post
    yes i have, as a 7w6 really sat with the emotional turmoil after a relationship that i wanted to succeed. No i did not rush into other possibilities to find something else. yes i am guilty of not fully processing my grief in the past or mourning over a relationship's end when i was younger but thanks to enneagram i knew that i wanted to change & i know i have to start doing things differently if i want to grow into the best possible version of me & i know that there will be pain & tears & at times i will feel i may die from heartache & or loneliness but in these moments of pain & crying & whimpering & sobbing i hear my little internal logical voice that says "just get through this" & i ALWAYS know that i'm not going to die from this discomfort. I've only done this the completely noble way to it's full & complete extent 1 time .
    ^^^ I'm doing this, for the first time, now...and I'm doing it poorly. In fact, I am so out of my league...

    I've said this here and there on the site (actually maybe I've only said this in PM idk - I swear I think I've suffered brain damage from sitting so long with so much heartache) --- that it is NOT the 7s inability to feel or lack of feeling, etc. that propels the 7 forward...but rather the contrary. I actually believe we feel too much and perhaps more importantly, know exactly what we are feeling when we are feeling it (this may only apply to ENFPs though). I actually believe we are more emotional than the average individual and so all we can do is run forward - run forward into the new so as not to be overwhelmed by our own feelings...and because of this it ends up looking like we could care less - if that makes sense.

  8. #8
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by revolve View Post
    yes i have, as a 7w6 really sat with the emotional turmoil after a relationship that i wanted to succeed. No i did not rush into other possibilities to find something else. yes i am guilty of not fully processing my grief in the past or mourning over a relationship's end when i was younger but thanks to enneagram i knew that i wanted to change & i know i have to start doing things differently if i want to grow into the best possible version of me & i know that there will be pain & tears & at times i will feel i may die from heartache & or loneliness but in these moments of pain & crying & whimpering & sobbing i hear my little internal logical voice that says "just get through this" & i ALWAYS know that i'm not going to die from this discomfort. I've only done this the completely noble way to it's full & complete extent 1 time but i think i'm about to embark on this journey once again now, and i am not looking forward to it whatsoever- but i know i have no choice. The good news is that this type of pain is the only thing in life i've ever experienced that feels to change / alter me down to my core & that's a pretty sweet payoff.
    this is exactly what i'm talking about! i am going through this too. i feel like a new person. having gone through this, i want to understand what the process is like for 7w6s, who i am currently surrounded by and who are probably right now my overall biggest draw, like i need to understand and integrate the differences between us that threaten me so that i can be a more complete person, and that through relating to them, it is catalyzing this process (like, i need a fun coach, but then i need to find how to integrate that while maintaining the ability to deal with the dark negative possibilities that in the past tended to overfascinate me and keep me down).

    it's difficult to figure out if i am just imposing my sense of what i needed to get through on others, and i don't want to do that, but yet i do believe that these experiences offer some of the greatest, most significant opportunities to make dramatic personal leaps.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    yes i should clarify that i have gone through intense heartache and was incapable of escaping it...so yes i guess you'd say i sat with it...but it wasn't because i wanted to..and yes i felt like i would die and that i completely lacked the will to live...it drains me so completely. i think just as positive and optimistic as i can be...things like this can flip it and make me feel the exact opposite of my normal state....but the process of me coming out of it involves analyzing the hell out of it...taking "myself" out of the equation and thinking of all the reasons it happened and why and what it means that it did and what i learned and why it's okay...a sort of reshaping of views...past, present, future and spiritual...and yes i believe there's a tremendous amount of emotional growth that comes from it.
    well the 7w6 write-ups kind of give an account of this energy that makes 7w6s, and to me so/sx types are the most extreme, a sense of on the run from something. my entp 7w6 sx/so friend HATES to dwell in the past because he feels like only bad things can catch him there. we were talking about it the other day, and i was trying to say that to me that was a complete distortion. it just seemed like he had not integrated many feelings because he was afraid of the cost of doing so, yet in doing so, in rebuilding one's faith, you become more free and know how to listen to more of yourself and more of the world and be centered amongst all of that.

    Quote Originally Posted by StarryKnights View Post
    ^^^ I'm doing this, for the first time, now...and I'm doing it poorly. In fact, I am so out of my league...

    I've said this here and there on the site (actually maybe I've only said this in PM idk - I swear I think I've suffered brain damage from sitting so long with so much heartache) --- that it is NOT the 7s inability to feel or lack of feeling, etc. that propels the 7 forward...but rather the contrary. I actually believe we feel too much and perhaps more importantly, know exactly what we are feeling when we are feeling it (this may only apply to ENFPs though). I actually believe we are more emotional than the average individual and so all we can do is run forward - run forward into the new so as not to be overwhelmed by our own feelings...and because of this it ends up looking like we could care less - if that makes sense.
    i think head types generally tend to avoid feeling and have a lot of their feeling process mediated by fear response. which is the sense of overwhelm and even more so fear of overwhelm. when i've actually gotten to the feelings themselves, i was surprised because the overall war being raged kept shifting towards gratitude.

    7s definitely have a high well-being kind of baseline, so maybe dropping down feels really scary and awful, but some people just live in these spaces by default! the process to accept and let go and rebuild one's faith is always deeply challenging for, say, 4 types, who have low stamina when it comes to being able to accept the world and maintain emotional openness and keep up with potential negatives. all the reasoning they do, all the rehashing and reshaping their views and figuring out reasons and then coming to terms with those conclusions, seems worth it to me.

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