[Type 9] 9w1s -- please help me understand you!

[MacGuffin]

I'm a 9 that tests as a 5 most of the time.

I don't really know anything more about 9s than what is already posted.

 

[21%]

as for variants, a good question is what is he most preoccupied with? intimate/close relationships and attraction between people, how he fits into society and the bigger picture, or securing his own needs and wants?

Good question. Right now he is trying t pursue a dream, but I still don't know what the real motivation behind that dream really is. The dream itself is pretty un-sp-ish, I think, because he is literally taking a gamble whether it would work out or not. He is under a lot of stress and is depressed most of the time about the future -- so this might not be a good time to tell. He also values intimate relationships a lot -- and also does pretty un-sp-ish things to keep our relationship going.

I haven't really considered so/sx or sx/so before -- so I'll look into that!

At least everyone seems to agree that he sounds like a 9w1 -- I'm happy with that for now

The thing is, most nines don't see themselves the way others see them. I showed my husband a summary of the enneagram awhile back and he said, "oh, you're totally a nine." I was in complete shock cause I was certain I was a four. So I convinced myself that he just didn't know the real me, even though we've been together for almost fifteen years. It took awhile for me to come around, but there's no way I would have if he'd tried to convince me. Fyi, most nines hate being lectured or told what to think. We can be pretty stubborn. (i can be, anyway. I hate speaking in 'we's.)

Thanks for this. This sounds exactly like my bf! Don't worry, our conversations usually involve no lecturing and usually end with us agreeing that we're either both 9s or both 4s (He never takes the enneagram seriously anyway)

 

[21%]

I'm a 9 that tests as a 5 most of the time.

I don't really know anything more about 9s than what is already posted.

I think introverted thinkers are most likely to test as 5s.

 

[Asterion]

I think introverted thinkers are most likely to test as 5s.

so INTP 9s think they're 5s and INFP 9s think they're 4s? lawl.

I think he sounds like a 9w1 to me. I'm not entirely sure, but I get the feeling that 9s really feel it when they get noticed because they don't feel like they exist. This is why it says in most profiles that 9s will work in the background to help others etc. Since they don't exist, they might have trouble knowing who they are, particularly in the eyes of others.

I think you should try not to convince him of his type, if he is a nine, he will probably just go with whatever you think, then revert back to what he thinks later, he'll probably say that he might be a 9 (emphasis on the uncertainty), but he wont be saying what he actually thinks, which for other people might be "hell no!". Best thing to do is to let him get a good feel for the type he thinks he is, find examples (preferably real people, lol, though that may be hard with types 4 and 5 being so rare) and let him uncover himself instead of revealing it to him. If he is a 9, he'll probably be open minded towards the idea of being a 9, but perhaps reluctant to make a definitive choice (as compared to an arbitrary choice or simply agreeing with someone else).

I find it never mentions this in the profiles, but with anger comes certainty. You can't be angry unless you're sure of intention or circumstance, you need to commit to anger, which can often cause a stir, which 9s usually wish to avoid. As a 9 that rids himself of anger, there's more drive towards forgiveness as uncertainty in intentions or motives is taken into account and the 9 assumes the best to avoid disturbing the peace or making a scene. Maybe that is in the profiles somewhere, but it feels like I'm just connecting the dots .

I really wish I could become a four or a five so that I could understand them the same way I feel I understand 9

 

[brainheart]

You could show him the bliss stream instinctual descriptions. They were the first nine descriptions that actually resonated with me. Cerebral, complex, aesthetic, creative.... Connecting to the universal, love nature, small creatures, romantic... Well, all right!

Also, as mac guffin says, just being around a four for lengths of time made me question four for myself as well. I'll want to despair and express myself for an hour or two, they keep at it relentlessly for days. Also, I'll always find myself becoming their advisor, therapist, optimistic friend; they play the role of complainer, muse, creative support . Well, if you're a four and he's a nine then he'll get this eventually.

 

[21%]

so INTP 9s think they're 5s and INFP 9s think they're 4s? lawl.

I think he sounds like a 9w1 to me. I'm not entirely sure, but I get the feeling that 9s really feel it when they get noticed because they don't feel like they exist. This is why it says in most profiles that 9s will work in the background to help others etc. Since they don't exist, they might have trouble knowing who they are, particularly in the eyes of others.

I think you should try not to convince him of his type, if he is a nine, he will probably just go with whatever you think, then revert back to what he thinks later, he'll probably say that he might be a 9 (emphasis on the uncertainty), but he wont be saying what he actually thinks, which for other people might be "hell no!". Best thing to do is to let him get a good feel for the type he thinks he is, find examples (preferably real people, lol, though that may be hard with types 4 and 5 being so rare) and let him uncover himself instead of revealing it to him. If he is a 9, he'll probably be open minded towards the idea of being a 9, but perhaps reluctant to make a definitive choice (as compared to an arbitrary choice or simply agreeing with someone else).

I find it never mentions this in the profiles, but with anger comes certainty. You can't be angry unless you're sure of intention or circumstance, you need to commit to anger, which can often cause a stir, which 9s usually wish to avoid. As a 9 that rids himself of anger, there's more drive towards forgiveness as uncertainty in intentions or motives is taken into account and the 9 assumes the best to avoid disturbing the peace or making a scene. Maybe that is in the profiles somewhere, but it feels like I'm just connecting the dots .

Thanks for this! Actually I don't really feel as much the need to convince him as the need to convince myself. With all his "No, I'm definitely not a 9", I was starting to wonder if I typed him right after all. Actually all I want is to understand him better and to make sure I'm making him happy

And our 'discussions' about the enneagram usually devolve into a nonsensical mess of jokes anyway...

As for the point about anger, doesn't the 1 wing lends itself to 'anger'? This is the part I find puzzling, because the 'peaceful' 9s can have pretty 'harsh' wings both ways. I like it that all the adjacent types are conflicting in some way, like the 6's need to be safe and the 7's need to experience the world, but 9w1 and 9w8 seem a bit contradictory and I haven't been able to understand how these types would be like in real life.

I really wish I could become a four or a five so that I could understand them the same way I feel I understand 9

Vice versa. I think I understand Types 1 to 5 pretty well, because I have close family members who are those types. Descriptions of types 6 to 9 often leave me totally "What?"

 

[Rail Tracer]

You could show him the bliss stream instinctual descriptions. They were the first nine descriptions that actually resonated with me. Cerebral, complex, aesthetic, creative.... Connecting to the universal, love nature, small creatures, romantic... Well, all right!

Also, as mac guffin says, just being around a four for lengths of time made me question four for myself as well. I'll want to despair and express myself for an hour or two, they keep at it relentlessly for days. Also, I'll always find myself becoming their advisor, therapist, optimistic friend; they play the role of complainer, muse, creative support . Well, if you're a four and he's a nine then he'll get this eventually.

If only INFPgc was still active (can't say this enough.)

I would of advised you to go to INTPc for a month and go to INFPgc for a month and compare .

 

[21%]

You could show him the bliss stream instinctual descriptions. They were the first nine descriptions that actually resonated with me. Cerebral, complex, aesthetic, creative.... Connecting to the universal, love nature, small creatures, romantic... Well, all right!

Thanks! I'll delete all the '9's, delete the stackings, mix them up and then ask him which one(s) he relate to the most. Somehow I still have a feeling that he will immediately cut the ones that have any mention of "the society" as he generally relates that to the cold, uncaring society in the real world, while he in fact has quite a lot of concern for his own circle of society

Also, as mac guffin says, just being around a four for lengths of time made me question four for myself as well. I'll want to despair and express myself for an hour or two, they keep at it relentlessly for days. Also, I'll always find myself becoming their advisor, therapist, optimistic friend; they play the role of complainer, muse, creative support . Well, if you're a four and he's a nine then he'll get this eventually.

Uh oh, two 4s together can't be good

 

[21%]

If only INFPgc was still active (can't say this enough.)

I would of advised you to go to INTPc for a month and go to INFPgc for a month and compare .

I was lurking on INFPglobalchatter for a while before I discovered this place. INTPc, on the other hand, is a land I dare not venture

 

[Asterion]

Thanks for this! Actually I don't really feel as much the need to convince him as the need to convince myself. With all his "No, I'm definitely not a 9", I was starting to wonder if I typed him right after all. Actually all I want is to understand him better and to make sure I'm making him happy

Ahh, then you're all set, he's most likely a 9

And our 'discussions' about the enneagram usually devolve into a nonsensical mess of jokes anyway...

As for the point about anger, doesn't the 1 wing lends itself to 'anger'? This is the part I find puzzling, because the 'peaceful' 9s can have pretty 'harsh' wings both ways. I like it that all the adjacent types are conflicting in some way, like the 6's need to be safe and the 7's need to experience the world, but 9w1 and 9w8 seem a bit contradictory and I haven't been able to understand how these types would be like in real life.

This is because wings don't exist. Like you said, 6 and 7 conflict, 1 and 2 makes no sense, 3 and 4 makes no sense, 9 and 8 is contradicting. It's just nonsense imo, and there's plenty of people out there that agree. Even the basic theory of the enneagram escapes proof, so how can anyone trust unexplainable connections between types?

 

[Rail Tracer]

This is because wings don't exist. Like you said, 6 and 7 conflict, 1 and 2 makes no sense, 3 and 4 makes no sense, 9 and 8 is contradicting. It's just nonsense imo, and there's plenty of people out there that agree. Even the basic theory of the enneagram escapes proof, so how can anyone trust unexplainable connections between types?

Not sure, as strange as it sounds, I can sound very one like... even when my scores for 1 and 8 is low.

 

[brainheart]

Not sure, as strange as it sounds, I can sound very one like... even when my scores for 1 and 8 is low.

Same here. Do you think it's cause you're an sx/so?

 

[Rail Tracer]

Same here. Do you think it's cause you're an sx/so?

Could be, since both SX types are intense.

 

[Asterion]

Not sure, as strange as it sounds, I can sound very one like... even when my scores for 1 and 8 is low.

9 and 1 are quite similar types. And 9s will often find that they relate to all types... including 8 at times, particular if they know how to handle their habits. The only two types of nines I can think of are the 9s that have withdrawn from the world in order to fully realize who they are and live in their heads in peace and the 9s that rely on other people, merge with them (maybe cling a little), idolize them and try to be what everyone wants them to be. Sort of like, internal peace vs external peace. They are not exclusively separate types, I'd just consider them different manifestations of the nines core traits.

Plus, I don't see the point in classifying types further than the core type if the traits could change overnight. Variants seem to be a completely separate system to the enneagram, seems to complement it well. Unlike maybe tritypes, which is just spouting out types that your type relates too and giving it order using the triads. (like I'd bet most nines would have 9, 4/2 and 5, most threes will be 3, 7 and 8) It's completely pointless, it's just a grouping of types that are similar. I feel a bit critical saying this tbh, if you want to use tritypes, go for it, it is kind of neat.

 

[Rail Tracer]

9 and 1 are quite similar types. And 9s will often find that they relate to all types... including 8 at times, particular if they know how to handle their habits. The only two types of nines I can think of are the 9s that have withdrawn from the world in order to fully realize who they are and live in their heads in peace and the 9s that rely on other people, merge with them (maybe cling a little), idolize them and try to be what everyone wants them to be. Sort of like, internal peace vs external peace. They are not exclusively separate types, I'd just consider them different manifestations of the nines core traits.

Plus, I don't see the point in classifying types further than the core type if the traits could change overnight. Variants seem to be a completely separate system to the enneagram, seems to complement it well. Unlike maybe tritypes, which is just spouting out types that your type relates too and giving it order using the triads. (like I'd bet most nines would have 9, 4/2 and 5, most threes will be 3, 7 and 8) It's completely pointless, it's just a grouping of types that are similar. I feel a bit critical saying this tbh, if you want to use tritypes, go for it, it is kind of neat.

First and foremost a 9w1.

The tritype is just for "fun" I suppose.

 

[ICUP]

Question: Can 9w1's be seen generally as "prudes"? My mother has tried smoking once and drinking once in her whole life. She makes the biggest deal over people having premarital sex. She has never tried anything but missionary position, and she makes the biggest deal over oral sex too. She is honestly the biggest prude I have ever seen. Is this common? She is like a moral nazi, but she will make all kinds of excuses for bad behaviors if she loves someone. If she doesn't love them, she judges them with a sharp stick. She, however, never judges herself with the same stick lol..... there is always some excuse.

 

[MacGuffin]

Question: Can 9w1's be seen generally as "prudes"? My mother has tried smoking once and drinking once in her whole life. She makes the biggest deal over people having premarital sex. She has never tried anything but missionary position, and she makes the biggest deal over oral sex too. She is honestly the biggest prude I have ever seen. Is this common? She is like a moral nazi, but she will make all kinds of excuses for bad behaviors if she loves someone. If she doesn't love them, she judges them with a sharp stick. She, however, never judges herself with the same stick lol..... there is always some excuse.

I don't think so...

 

[Asterion]

Question: Can 9w1's be seen generally as "prudes"? My mother has tried smoking once and drinking once in her whole life. She makes the biggest deal over people having premarital sex. She has never tried anything but missionary position, and she makes the biggest deal over oral sex too. She is honestly the biggest prude I have ever seen. Is this common? She is like a moral nazi, but she will make all kinds of excuses for bad behaviors if she loves someone. If she doesn't love them, she judges them with a sharp stick. She, however, never judges herself with the same stick lol..... there is always some excuse.

Yeah, don't know if 9s could possibly be like that, to much making a big deal of everything.

 

[21%]

Actually 1s are more likely to be "prudes", I think. So maybe she's a 1w9?

 

[Rail Tracer]

Question: Can 9w1's be seen generally as "prudes"? My mother has tried smoking once and drinking once in her whole life. She makes the biggest deal over people having premarital sex. She has never tried anything but missionary position, and she makes the biggest deal over oral sex too. She is honestly the biggest prude I have ever seen. Is this common? She is like a moral nazi, but she will make all kinds of excuses for bad behaviors if she loves someone. If she doesn't love them, she judges them with a sharp stick. She, however, never judges herself with the same stick lol..... there is always some excuse.

Nope. Doesn't sound very 9-ish to be making a big deal out of everything. Not really my place to be telling people how they should be running every single bit of their lives.