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  1. #51
    Senior Member ICUP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Burning Rave View Post
    It is pretty much like brainheart said. I have pretty much felt like I screwed myself over by trying to be "what everyone wants me to be." Yes, I would like to be myself, the issue is, I'm not always as aware of myself as I am aware of other people because of it. I would like to be authentic, but trying to "find myself" is like trying to find the needle in a giant haystack... it is going to take a while with all the nuances of everyday life.

    I actually think you telling your boyfriend to find himself is a nice gesture to him. It is a bit unnerving to not "know myself," but it is nice to know you are trying to put more focus on him and supporting him to do so.
    At least I can say, my mom knows herself hehe. I think she defines herself through her values, and that is nice to know for her. She knows a lot of what she likes and doesn't like.... but she does have problems setting boundaries.

    Oh, yea, and 9w1's seem to get their panties in a wad easily, especially when someone points out the truth My mom is adorable, and funny.
    Last edited by ICUP; 07-03-2011 at 12:40 PM.
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  2. #52
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by King-Of-Despair View Post
    Oh dear , I can relate to this so much. What 9s need to do is exactly what you said, work out what they feel and need and fulfill it, rather than become what everyone else wants them to be. It's that integration to 3, they need to realize that they are special and their actions will make a difference to the world, to have confidence and ambition. They need to show their true selves to the world. You could always do what my dad has done to me, step all over those boundaries until he cracks and realizes he needs to do something about it.
    Wow, that's doing it the hard way isn't it >_<
    I don't think INFPs will take that approach very well


    Quote Originally Posted by brainheart View Post
    Yes, this is a big issue. One thing, fours aren't the only ones out there who desire to be authentic and true to themselves. This is very important to me as well. Problem is, its easy for me to forget what exactly that means. As I said before, other people's needs can often seem louder and more urgent than my own. So what matters for me gets put on hold. There is my idealized world I hold on to. Within this world which will happen 'some time', you know when every one else is taken care of and grown up, and my parents are no longer around, etc.... I will be the ' real' me. As I get older, I realize that this isn't the way to live, that I have screwed myself many times over. I already had one nervous breakdown when I had this realization. I'm trying to fix it, assert myself more, remember that my needs and talents matter. This is not easy.
    Quote Originally Posted by Burning Rave View Post
    It is pretty much like brainheart said. I have pretty much felt like I screwed myself over by trying to be "what everyone wants me to be." Yes, I would like to be myself, the issue is, I'm not always as aware of myself as I am aware of other people because of it. I would like to be authentic, but trying to "find myself" is like trying to find the needle in a giant haystack... it is going to take a while with all the nuances of everyday life.

    I actually think you telling your boyfriend to find himself is a nice gesture to him. It is a bit unnerving to not "know myself," but it is nice to know you are trying to put more focus on him and supporting him to do so.
    Thanks both of you Okay, so I'll keep doing what I'm doing.

    Sometimes when he says something, I can't help but think "Wait. That's what I want." Then I have to ask him repeatedly if he really wants it -- and sometimes even suggest other options for him to consider and choose from, because I feel guilty for 'imposing' myself on him. Not sure if that's the right approach.
    4w5 sp/sx EII

  3. #53
    Freaking Ratchet Rail Tracer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ICUP View Post
    At least I can say, my mom knows herself hehe. I think she defines herself through her values, and that is nice to know for her. She knows a lot of what she likes and doesn't like.... but she does have problems setting boundaries.

    Oh, yea, and 9w1's seem to get their panties in a wad easily, especially when someone points out the truth My mom is adorable, and funny.
    Well I "know myself." What I mean is that my family, my friends, and my relatives are all a "part of myself." So I now that part. Things like their values, likes, or dislikes might be the same or similar to mines (which could actually just be theirs.)

    But to know myself, now that is a slightly different story.

  4. #54
    Senior Member ICUP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Burning Rave View Post
    Well I "know myself." What I mean is that my family, my friends, and my relatives are all a "part of myself." So I now that part. Things like their values, likes, or dislikes might be the same or similar to mines (which could actually just be theirs.)

    But to know myself, now that is a slightly different story.
    ISTP 6w5 sx/sp
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