User Tag List

First 3456 Last

Results 41 to 50 of 54

  1. #41
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Posts
    2,631

    Default

    I've been observing my bf to see if he tends to flee from unpleasant feelings or tries to embrace them. It seems that it's more of the former, and he occasionally jumps into panic-induced doses of television, music and games. I'm very certain now that he's a 9

    Another thing that could be 9-like that I just noticed is his separation anxiety. He's always been 'alone' in a way, and always thought he was the solitary type, but now that he has moved away from home and is under massive stress, he just needs to be connected to someone. He keeps saying how much he hates to be alone and tells me never to leave. He's probably not in his healthiest stage right now, but I hate to see him so stressed out. How can I help to make him feel safe and loved? (Whenever he's stressed out, he seems to think I'm always on the verge of abandoning him >_<)

    Quote Originally Posted by King-Of-Despair View Post
    9s will often find that they relate to all types... including 8 at times, particular if they know how to handle their habits. The only two types of nines I can think of are the 9s that have withdrawn from the world in order to fully realize who they are and live in their heads in peace and the 9s that rely on other people, merge with them (maybe cling a little), idolize them and try to be what everyone wants them to be. Sort of like, internal peace vs external peace. They are not exclusively separate types, I'd just consider them different manifestations of the nines core traits.
    This is very interesting. I was just wondering if 9s would be truly happy with 'being what everyone wants them to be'? All these times whenever he asked for my advice I would always say "find yourself, find out what you really want", because that's what I, as a 4, feel is very important. I need to be authentic and be me. But perhaps 9s won't feel that this is helpful?

    Also, 9 INFPs seem to have lack of boundaries issues, and I'm trying hard not to step on his, because I know he will probably let me. I don't want him to become what I want him to be. I want him to find himself, and to have the courage to be himself and find his place in the world -- that way he can be totally at peace, both with himself and with the outside world. Any advice on how to achieve this?
    4w5 sp/sx EII

  2. #42
    Senior Member ICUP's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    MBTI
    ISTP
    Enneagram
    6w5 sx/sp
    Posts
    1,793

    Default

    She is a 9w1. The book I have describes them as having a puritanical streak, and I think that's what I am seeing. It also explains that 9w1's feel morally superior to different classes, cultures, and lifestyles. They have a prim and proper, perfectionistic quality to their personal style. She's an ISTJ, so she has that J thang going on that most 9's don't have. I was just curious about the prude thang, of whether it was common for 9w1's to refrain from drinking, smoking, sex, etc., and to be "shocked" when she finds out how others engage in these behaviors lol.... She won't tell others what she thinks about them, she just tells me lol. She is basically very "let it be" in her life, but that doesn't mean she doesn't have strong opinions about the way she sees it. She is a moral nazi, but in private lol...... I, however, know exactly where she stands, but she wouldn't push the issue at all. She's very 9 in that way. Her main goal is to be at peace. She's not motivated or perfectionistic enough to be a 1.... she just doesn't have that. She has always felt rigid to me, but I think it's because she was uptight concerning many issues. I can definitely sense the 1 wing, and the J.....

    I think this is her.... I don't think she has ever really made it to balanced or healthy states.....all she does is garden, eat too much, sleep 'til noon, and go out with a couple of friends a few times a week lol... she was on anti-depressants for several years, and she uses sleeping pills to go to sleep.

    "Unbalanced-Unhealthy States
    Under stress, nineish withdrawal increases, accompanied by oneish judgment of self and others. 9/1 retreats into a fantasy world inhabited by comfortably fuzzy generalities and stereotyped images of other people. These are the people 9/1 wishes could inhabit the real world -- wishful, perfect images of real people. Unfortunately, because 9/1 is convinced of the reality of these internally generated images, real-life interactions suffer when people do not live up to their idealized images. But the 9/1 tries very hard not to notice.

    In the extreme, it becomes nearly impossible not to see the discrepancies between the perfect inner images and the outward reality. Total isolation becomes the only way to avoid seeing that the world is populated by disturbingly imperfect, unpredictable, demanding, untrustworthy beings."
    ISTP 6w5 sx/sp
    6-8-4/6-9-4 Tritype

  3. #43
    brainheart
    Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ICUP View Post
    Question: Can 9w1's be seen generally as "prudes"? My mother has tried smoking once and drinking once in her whole life. She makes the biggest deal over people having premarital sex. She has never tried anything but missionary position, and she makes the biggest deal over oral sex too. She is honestly the biggest prude I have ever seen. Is this common? She is like a moral nazi, but she will make all kinds of excuses for bad behaviors if she loves someone. If she doesn't love them, she judges them with a sharp stick. She, however, never judges herself with the same stick lol..... there is always some excuse.
    How on earth do you know all of this about your mother?

    I can be prudish about certain things, but incredibly open at the same time. More open than prudish.

  4. #44
    Senior Member ICUP's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    MBTI
    ISTP
    Enneagram
    6w5 sx/sp
    Posts
    1,793

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by brainheart View Post
    How on earth do you know all of this about your mother?

    I can be prudish about certain things, but incredibly open at the same time. More open than prudish.
    We are very close. We share alot of information about one another.
    I am 40, she knows I drink and that I have smoked, and done drugs, and had a lot of sex, so there would be no reason at this point to lie about it lol.... it's just a general attitude she has. All of these things are serious issues to her lol, whereas other people's mothers just accept it and do it. She's prudish.... she probably thinks she's more open than she is, but she doesn't see it from an istp perspective.
    ISTP 6w5 sx/sp
    6-8-4/6-9-4 Tritype

  5. #45
    Ruler of the Stars Asterion's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5 sp/sx
    Posts
    2,334

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by 21% View Post
    I've been observing my bf to see if he tends to flee from unpleasant feelings or tries to embrace them. It seems that it's more of the former, and he occasionally jumps into panic-induced doses of television, music and games. I'm very certain now that he's a 9

    Another thing that could be 9-like that I just noticed is his separation anxiety. He's always been 'alone' in a way, and always thought he was the solitary type, but now that he has moved away from home and is under massive stress, he just needs to be connected to someone. He keeps saying how much he hates to be alone and tells me never to leave. He's probably not in his healthiest stage right now, but I hate to see him so stressed out. How can I help to make him feel safe and loved? (Whenever he's stressed out, he seems to think I'm always on the verge of abandoning him >_<)


    This is very interesting. I was just wondering if 9s would be truly happy with 'being what everyone wants them to be'? All these times whenever he asked for my advice I would always say "find yourself, find out what you really want", because that's what I, as a 4, feel is very important. I need to be authentic and be me. But perhaps 9s won't feel that this is helpful?

    Also, 9 INFPs seem to have lack of boundaries issues, and I'm trying hard not to step on his, because I know he will probably let me. I don't want him to become what I want him to be. I want him to find himself, and to have the courage to be himself and find his place in the world -- that way he can be totally at peace, both with himself and with the outside world. Any advice on how to achieve this?
    Oh dear , I can relate to this so much. What 9s need to do is exactly what you said, work out what they feel and need and fulfill it, rather than become what everyone else wants them to be. It's that integration to 3, they need to realize that they are special and their actions will make a difference to the world, to have confidence and ambition. They need to show their true selves to the world. You could always do what my dad has done to me, step all over those boundaries until he cracks and realizes he needs to do something about it.

    Quote Originally Posted by ICUP View Post
    She is a 9w1. The book I have describes them as having a puritanical streak, and I think that's what I am seeing. It also explains that 9w1's feel morally superior to different classes, cultures, and lifestyles. They have a prim and proper, perfectionistic quality to their personal style. She's an ISTJ, so she has that J thang going on that most 9's don't have. I was just curious about the prude thang, of whether it was common for 9w1's to refrain from drinking, smoking, sex, etc., and to be "shocked" when she finds out how others engage in these behaviors lol.... She won't tell others what she thinks about them, she just tells me lol. She is basically very "let it be" in her life, but that doesn't mean she doesn't have strong opinions about the way she sees it. She is a moral nazi, but in private lol...... I, however, know exactly where she stands, but she wouldn't push the issue at all. She's very 9 in that way. Her main goal is to be at peace. She's not motivated or perfectionistic enough to be a 1.... she just doesn't have that. She has always felt rigid to me, but I think it's because she was uptight concerning many issues. I can definitely sense the 1 wing, and the J.....

    I think this is her.... I don't think she has ever really made it to balanced or healthy states.....all she does is garden, eat too much, sleep 'til noon, and go out with a couple of friends a few times a week lol... she was on anti-depressants for several years, and she uses sleeping pills to go to sleep.

    "Unbalanced-Unhealthy States
    Under stress, nineish withdrawal increases, accompanied by oneish judgment of self and others. 9/1 retreats into a fantasy world inhabited by comfortably fuzzy generalities and stereotyped images of other people. These are the people 9/1 wishes could inhabit the real world -- wishful, perfect images of real people. Unfortunately, because 9/1 is convinced of the reality of these internally generated images, real-life interactions suffer when people do not live up to their idealized images. But the 9/1 tries very hard not to notice.

    In the extreme, it becomes nearly impossible not to see the discrepancies between the perfect inner images and the outward reality. Total isolation becomes the only way to avoid seeing that the world is populated by disturbingly imperfect, unpredictable, demanding, untrustworthy beings."
    When you said moral-Nazi, I assumed that she asserted her word against others. You're right, she's probably a 9, kind of interesting, I could never see myself as an enforcer of morals... hmm, i think... I do get angry when people show no decency or honor, but so does everyone else.
    5 3 9

  6. #46
    Senior Member ICUP's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    MBTI
    ISTP
    Enneagram
    6w5 sx/sp
    Posts
    1,793

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by King-Of-Despair View Post

    When you said moral-Nazi, I assumed that she asserted her word against others. You're right, she's probably a 9, kind of interesting, I could never see myself as an enforcer of morals... hmm, i think... I do get angry when people show no decency or honor, but so does everyone else.
    This was my fault.... I was more or less ranting at the time, and it wasn't a good description. Interesting, I think it could just be her own personal expression within the type. I haven't necessarily noticed it in other 9's.
    ISTP 6w5 sx/sp
    6-8-4/6-9-4 Tritype

  7. #47
    brainheart
    Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by 21% View Post
    All these times whenever he asked for my advice I would always say "find yourself, find out what you really want", because that's what I, as a 4, feel is very important. I need to be authentic and be me. But perhaps 9s won't feel that this is helpful?

    Also, 9 INFPs seem to have lack of boundaries issues, and I'm trying hard not to step on his, because I know he will probably let me. I don't want him to become what I want him to be. I want him to find himself, and to have the courage to be himself and find his place in the world -- that way he can be totally at peace, both with himself and with the outside world. Any advice on how to achieve this?
    Yes, this is a big issue. One thing, fours aren't the only ones out there who desire to be authentic and true to themselves. This is very important to me as well. Problem is, its easy for me to forget what exactly that means. As I said before, other people's needs can often seem louder and more urgent than my own. So what matters for me gets put on hold. There is my idealized world I hold on to. Within this world which will happen 'some time', you know when every one else is taken care of and grown up, and my parents are no longer around, etc.... I will be the ' real' me. As I get older, I realize that this isn't the way to live, that I have screwed myself many times over. I already had one nervous breakdown when I had this realization. I'm trying to fix it, assert myself more, remember that my needs and talents matter. This is not easy.

  8. #48
    Energizer Bunny Resonance's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    MBTI
    INfj
    Enneagram
    6w5
    Posts
    740

    Default

    I've been told that 3s, 6s, and 9s each have their own way of gaining a sense of self through others, and I'd definitely agree that I do. Staying 'true to myself' isn't really as important as staying true to what I want for everyone in the world. That's probably why I keep coming back to these personality typologies - I need to remind myself that I'm an individual with particular strengths and weaknesses, not just a fleshy bundle of ideals and mental models.
    The beauty of a living thing is not the atoms that go into it, but the way those atoms are put together. ~ rCoxI ~ INfj ~ 5w6 so/sp

  9. #49
    brainheart
    Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by King-Of-Despair View Post
    9 and 1 are quite similar types. And 9s will often find that they relate to all types... including 8 at times, particular if they know how to handle their habits. The only two types of nines I can think of are the 9s that have withdrawn from the world in order to fully realize who they are and live in their heads in peace and the 9s that rely on other people, merge with them (maybe cling a little), idolize them and try to be what everyone wants them to be. Sort of like, internal peace vs external peace. They are not exclusively separate types, I'd just consider them different manifestations of the nines core traits.
    I'd agree, although, I'd say its probably more likely that most nines are a combination of the two, as far as internal and external peace go.

  10. #50
    Freaking Ratchet Rail Tracer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    3,041

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by 21% View Post
    This is very interesting. I was just wondering if 9s would be truly happy with 'being what everyone wants them to be'? All these times whenever he asked for my advice I would always say "find yourself, find out what you really want", because that's what I, as a 4, feel is very important. I need to be authentic and be me. But perhaps 9s won't feel that this is helpful?
    It is pretty much like brainheart said. I have pretty much felt like I screwed myself over by trying to be "what everyone wants me to be." Yes, I would like to be myself, the issue is, I'm not always as aware of myself as I am aware of other people because of it. I would like to be authentic, but trying to "find myself" is like trying to find the needle in a giant haystack... it is going to take a while with all the nuances of everyday life.

    I actually think you telling your boyfriend to find himself is a nice gesture to him. It is a bit unnerving to not "know myself," but it is nice to know you are trying to put more focus on him and supporting him to do so.

Similar Threads

  1. Could you please help me type this dude?
    By Lightyear in forum What's my Type?
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 02-24-2010, 11:24 PM
  2. [INFP] Please help me understand an INFP
    By Saslou in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 24
    Last Post: 02-07-2010, 04:38 PM
  3. Replies: 6
    Last Post: 11-04-2009, 09:16 PM
  4. [ISFP] ISFPs: Help me understand you by describing yourselves?
    By simulatedworld in forum The SP Arthouse (ESFP, ISFP, ESTP, ISTP)
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 11-13-2008, 05:37 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO