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  1. #11
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ponyboy View Post
    Although I don't know a whole lot about enneagram, the tests I have done always say I'm 9w1 and your last description of your bf sounds an awful lot like me (a few exceptions but overall pretty close!). Not sure if that helped or not
    Thanks! Just wondering if there is anything on that list that you just cannot relate to at all? Anything that jumps out as being very 'uncharacteristic' for a 9w1?


    Quote Originally Posted by Burning Rave View Post
    *What strikes me as something that might be a 4
    **What strikes me as something that might be a 5
    ***What strikes me as something that might be a 9

    Someone taking the test may often mistype between 9w1, 4w5, and 5w4 because the three types are similar. All three types are "withdrawn" types so that they might seem to act similarly. It is often the 9w1 that that mistypes as a 4w5 or 5w4.

    When I think of 4's and 5's, I think of them as the extreme sides of me with the balance beam being the 9.

    But you might want to check with the other 9's around here. As for the parts I didn't touch, I don't think some of them relate too much to a type or some were vague. As for his stacking, you may have to get him to take that part of the test himself.
    Thanks! This is really helpful! I'm glad you're seeing some 9-ness too and I'm not just imagining things. I'm a 4w5, and I notice a lot of difference between myself and my bf. I *think* I understand Types 4 and 5 pretty well, and he doesn't seem to be one -- he seems to lack the 'dramatic tragedy' feel of 4s or the greedy 'knowledge hoarding' of 5s. I think the problem is he has strong emotions and 9s are rarely described as such.

    And it's helpful that people often confuse 4, 5 and 9 At least it seems I'm on the right path...


    Quote Originally Posted by brainheart View Post
    21,
    I don't ever test as a nine. I test as a 5w4 or 4w5. But, as burning rave said, those seem to be the more extreme parts of my personality. I think I've always idealized and identified with 4w5s, so I like to perceive myself as one, especially since they are supposed to be the bohemian artists and I'm relatively those things. Relative is the operative word here, because-

    For the most part I keep my emotions hidden, unless I feel really comfortable around the person and I know I won't hurt their feelings or upset them. I tend to repress then explode. It's different on here to some extent because interactions on here don't affect my ordinary life. I think a nine who doesn't have to be concerned about threats to inner peace will sound more four or five-like... Or if they lose it.

    I can't create art/live a life that will upset those I love. This has kept me silent for many years or creating things I'm not all that happy with because they feel disingenuous. As a psychic said to me once, I have sentries guarding my throat.

    I lose myself easily in other's interests. I know what I like, what matters to me, but doing what others want seems easier. The disappointment seems to disappear quickly so I forget. Problem is it can resurface years later from the most subtle trigger. But then it usually goes away again. Since I forget so much it makes me think it doesn't really matter.

    Whenever I get in an argument, even if I have a very genuine reason to complain, I'm always the first to apologize. If anyone argues in my presence, I feel the need to fix it, make it stop.

    I tune out a lot, especially when people raise their voices or lecture.

    I can seem very one-like sometimes. I am very much one to get all preachy about disrespect for the natural world or social injustice or behavior I perceive as wrong. But I am also a nf.

    As far as instinctual variants go, I don't think a sp nine is necessarily going to play out the way you think it would. A nine wants to avoid conflict and preserve inner peace. A self pres nine will want security, but with that comes the freedom to be able to live a relatively anxiety free life, time to chill, comforting habits and routines. As far as I go, I married someone who makes money so I don't have to work. (its nice that I love him, too.)That way I have lots of time to watch birds, drink my coffee, do crossword puzzles, research the enneagram, read, etc. My need to maintain my peace and security has kept me from getting a job, from developing as a person, in all honesty. Stress and anxiety, not having alone, unstructured time all send me into a panic. So working scares me. It seems counter to my self preservation. If I do get stressed I go into automatic lock down mode, which is this totally withdrawn, retreat in my shell state. I forget how to function and just get really tired, cognitively slow.

    The sexual variant, feeling the connection with other people, things, that's what makes me feel alive, feel energized. But if its going to get in the way of my self pres needs, it tends to fade away or be replaced by fantasy.

    I related to the descriptions you posted for the most part, by the way.

    Hope this epistle helps-
    Thanks so much for this brainheart! Your post was very insightful! Your mentioning of 'identifying with other types' gave me another point to think about as well. I think in a way it is true for my bf, because he changes his mind about who he wants to be quite a lot -- and most of the time it has to do with 'role models'. He never has demands -- but does what other people who he is hanging out with want to do, and sometimes ends up doing what the 'group' wants even when he doesn't really want to. And, yes, he really hates conflicts and gets really stressed out when it happens.

    It's becoming slightly clearer now. I just want to figure this out so I will know how to make him truly happy...
    4w5 sp/sx EII

  2. #12
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    - Needs a certain level of acceptance, hates to be seen as 'stupid'
    Could be the 1 or 5 wing, acceptance makes me think 1 (using external measures). 5s are more elitist know-it-alls who will just see others as stupid if they don't recognize the 5's intelligence.

    - Has 'dark' emotions, and he usually tests as a 4, because he feels emotions very intensely. In happier times, however, he says things like "I don't think I'm a 4 anymore!
    9s feel intense emotions also, but they prefer to distract themselves from them with fantasy, whereas 4s will feed it with fantasy. 4s seek out the intensity also. They'll purposely read or watch or listen to something that creates a reaction within themselves. 9s will prefer stuff that is more pleasant, providing escapism. That's in general of course.

    - Hates being separated from people he cares about, and is hurt when people do not want to 'hang out' with him
    This is sounding like a social instinct. A mark of the sp-dom is an independent, self-sufficient streak.

    - Really wants to understand himself
    9s are introspective also. This could be any of the withdrawn types (4,5,9)

    - Thinks he has 'mental problems' and got into philosophy and psychology because he thought it would help with these 'problems'

    Could be either 9 or 4 (assuming these are the 2 main considerations), but I find 9s more into self-help, because 4s will insist they are not defective, just "different". 4s tend to get into psychology more out of an interest in how the mind & emotions work.

    - Is prone to regret (might be an INFP thing, though)
    I don't see any direct connection here to a type.

    - Has boundaries issues -- lets people step over them, then get resentful and angry but tend not to say anything

    Definitely more 9 than 4. 4s may not directly confront people, but they will usually not hide their dismay & will not be as accommodating to begin with. But then, he also sounds like an so-dom.

    - Is not proactive about things (from my point of view, he seems to quite often 'let things happen', then makes impulsive decisions that feel very 'flighty' to me, as if he is running away from something)
    Probably just being a P.

    - His ultimate goal is to have an easy life with a lot of free time
    Sounds more like a 9 goal than a 4 one. 4s will talk more about finding their identity, autonomy, creative expression, etc. 9s seem to value peaceful simplicity.

    - In an easy life, however, he sometimes thinks he should be doing something better. He wants an academic job.
    Could be any type.

    - Loves intellectually-challenging stuff, and is very smart. His knowledge is deep but not broad. He knows a lot about certain very difficult books, but has almost zero world knowledge
    Pretty typical for an INFP to be bookish.

    - Is usually very kind and gentle, except when he gets angry -- but mostly it's personal issues, like being angry at people who are taking advantage of him, at his life situation, at himself for 'messing up'. He doesn't have that 'righteous anger' about how society should be when he sees bad things on the news, etc.
    4s will appear more subtly moody for no apparent reason at times. Subtle is a keyword though; 4 dramatics is expressed via an artform or something. It's associated with introversion, after all.

    - Loves and appreciates art and beauty a great deal and sometimes wishes he had gone into arts or literature

    That's just being INFP.

    - Is very interested in Zen and Taoism and meditation
    Could just be INFP, but yeah, I've noticed 9s are really drawn to that....


    I think 9w1 seems right also. I'm not getting 4 out of most of this.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  3. #13
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    Thanks OA!

    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    - Has 'dark' emotions, and he usually tests as a 4, because he feels emotions very intensely. In happier times, however, he says things like "I don't think I'm a 4 anymore!
    9s feel intense emotions also, but they prefer to distract themselves from them with fantasy, whereas 4s will feed it with fantasy. 4s seek out the intensity also. They'll purposely read or watch or listen to something that creates a reaction within themselves. 9s will prefer stuff that is more pleasant, providing escapism. That's in general of course.
    This is a very good point! For me, when I feel bad, I just let myself feel bad by locking myself up in my room, crying and thinking about dying -- until I'm worn out, then I usually feel better, and become indignant about my problems and go the route of "I thought so. No one understands me. I'll deal with my problems alone and you will never even know how bad I feel". So far I've been very self-preservative so nothing truly horrible has happened in my life, so I don't know what I would do in extreme cases.

    My bf seems to do otherwise. He will let himself be sad and cry about things -- but being sad won't make him feel better. When he's depressed, he just wants to 'get out' of the situation and tries to distract himself by watching movies, youtube, listening to music, smoking and playing games.

    As a 4w5 INFP, how do you deal with negative emotions? Some of the things I listed might be INFP traits so I'm trying to separate the two

    I think 9w1 seems right also. I'm not getting 4 out of most of this.
    Thanks! I think I'm more convinced he's a 9w1 now!
    4w5 sp/sx EII

  4. #14
    Ginkgo
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    Quote Originally Posted by 21% View Post
    I'm trying to type my INFP boyfriend, and so far 9w1 seems the closest. The problem is, he doesn't identify with the general happy, peace-loving Type 9 description, but sees elements of himself in Types 1, 4, 5 and 6.

    However, he somewhat identifies with this description, and the Taoism bit is right-on!



    He believes the enneagram is bunk , so I can't really discuss it with him, because he tends to go off on how he is totally a 4 because he is emotional, or a 5 because he is intellectual. He never takes it seriously, so I think I'm on my own when it comes to typing. Last time I checked he said he was a 4w6

    So, 9w1 seems to make the most sense, because under stress, he can become more like 4s and 6s due to disintegration.

    So, 9w1s, do you identify with the above and the following descriptions of your type?



    More questions:
    What is your instinctual stacking? And how would you go about finding out the stacking of a 9w1?

    I always thought my INFP was sp-first, because of his tendency to withdraw, but I just realized that could be way off, because he has absolutely no plans for the future and seems to be quite impulsive in making life decisions (Not sure if that's just an INFP trait). I'm sp-first and I know I'm obsessed with being safe and prepared, physically and mentally. He is definitely not like that.

    He is in a way socially-aware -- he's always worried about what people think of him, but is in no way social or extroverted. He's happier just keeping to himself while keeping a few smooth conflict-free relationships going on. I know he loves to be with the few people he cares about, but finds making new friends very difficult.

    He is also a little safety-conscious, or so he claims, but his actions seem say otherwise and most of the time do not really lend to self-preservation at all! He makes impulsive decisions at the last minute, shows up in new places without a place booked, neglects health when under stress, etc. He also always seem to be in perpetually running out of food.

    So, any thoughts? To be honest I don't really understand 9s yet, because the other types at least seem to have a preoccupation with something. I've read how 9s want union -- but how can that be achieved without really 'going after it', with 9s being all chilled out and all? I'm not looking for really specific answers; I just want to understand 9s a bit more, so please feel free to post anything about how it's like to be a 9, or especially a 9w1

    Thanks in advance!
    Does he have any compulsive means of coping with stress? Does he eat/snack/watch the same shows/etc.? As a strategy to numb themselves, 9s tend to repeat activities to maintain a sense that nothing is disrupting them.

    He said he's a 4w6, which indicates he does not have a clear understanding of the system. If he doesn't have a clear understanding, how can he be trusted to type himself correctly? It kind of sucks that he doesn't take interest in it, but maybe the seed of interest will flourish given enough time. Maybe you can find a good way to sell it to him?

  5. #15
    Ginkgo
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    Quote Originally Posted by 21% View Post
    My bf seems to do otherwise. He will let himself be sad and cry about things -- but being sad won't make him feel better. When he's depressed, he just wants to 'get out' of the situation and tries to distract himself by watching movies, youtube, listening to music, smoking and playing games.
    Bingo.

  6. #16
    brainheart
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    I'd like to add that I consider scarlett johannsen's character in lost in translation a great example of a infp 9w1 sp/sx, if you want to check it out. But I also think your bf sounds possibly more so/sp or sp/so as oa said. I would never do anything I'm totally against just to get along (just so you know ) and I'm probably more inclined to say no vs yes in order to protect my time alone. Also, I love watching troubling/emotional movies, just not all the time. My guess is the sx variant of any type will be attracted to romantic tragedy- not to mention my tritype- I just don't want it in my real life.

  7. #17
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ginkgo View Post
    He said he's a 4w6, which indicates he does not have a clear understanding of the system. If he doesn't have a clear understanding, how can he be trusted to type himself correctly? It kind of sucks that he doesn't take interest in it, but maybe the seed of interest will flourish given enough time. Maybe you can find a good way to sell it to him?
    I've been trying for two years now, and while he generally believes in the MBTI, he has absolutely no faith in the Enneagram because I won't let him be a 4

    I'll convince him one of these days...

    (Ooooh, that's cute!)
    4w5 sp/sx EII

  8. #18
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by brainheart View Post
    I'd like to add that I consider scarlett johannsen's character in lost in translation a great example of a infp 9w1 sp/sx, if you want to check it out. But I also think your bf sounds possibly more so/sp or sp/so as oa said. I would never do anything I'm totally against just to get along (just so you know ) and I'm probably more inclined to say no vs yes in order to protect my time alone. Also, I love watching troubling/emotional movies, just not all the time. My guess is the sx variant of any type will be attracted to romantic tragedy- not to mention my tritype- I just don't want it in my real life.
    I liked that movie

    As for the stacking, I still have absolutely no idea where to start. Still can't wrap my mind around the concept of him being 'social', because he is extremely introverted and 'hates people'. I know that's not right. I guess I don't really understand the instinctual variants yet
    4w5 sp/sx EII

  9. #19
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    he sounds very 9w1 to me. not 4 at all. and 9 disintegrates to 6, which may explain his "w6."

    as for variants, a good question is what is he most preoccupied with? intimate/close relationships and attraction between people, how he fits into society and the bigger picture, or securing his own needs and wants?

  10. #20
    brainheart
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    Quote Originally Posted by 21% View Post
    I've been trying for two years now, and while he generally believes in the MBTI, he has absolutely no faith in the Enneagram because I won't let him be a 4

    I'll convince him one of these days...

    (Ooooh, that's cute!)
    The thing is, most nines don't see themselves the way others see them. I showed my husband a summary of the enneagram awhile back and he said, "oh, you're totally a nine." I was in complete shock cause I was certain I was a four. So I convinced myself that he just didn't know the real me, even though we've been together for almost fifteen years. It took awhile for me to come around, but there's no way I would have if he'd tried to convince me. Fyi, most nines hate being lectured or told what to think. We can be pretty stubborn. (i can be, anyway. I hate speaking in 'we's.)

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