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  1. #1
    Senior Member Chloe's Avatar
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    Default Unhealthy 8s.. and 8s in love

    How does an unhealthy 8 look like ?

    In general, what are your experiences with 8s and love? Especially unhealthy ones.

    I dont know many 8s, only one quite well. I am pretty shocked how difficult they can be when unhealthy. There seems to be no right move around them. Everything is a sign that you're enemy. Even if you try to show love, thats "looking down at 8"

  2. #2
    Certified Sausage Smoker Elfboy's Avatar
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    unhealthy 8s are literally impossible to communicate with; healthy 8s are some of the easiest people in the world to communicate with. the only advice I can give for dealing with an unhealthy 8...get back up, you will need it whether the confrontation is verbal or physical. healthy 8s are easy to talk to. they're rational, open minded and interested in getting the right information to solve the problem. communication for 8s is a way to gain knowledge to leverage as power. if you have a superior alternative, a healthy 8 is all ears.

    Even if you try to show love, thats "looking down at 8"
    I can relate to this. my natural response when I have a crush on a guy is to distance myself from him. if he's friendly, I'm usually polite and respectful, but more aloof and formal. if he's a hawt douche bag, I avoid him and tell myself "hmph, I don't need him"

    most 8s in love look something like this:

    ENFP: We put the Fi in Fire
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  3. #3
    #KUWK Kierva's Avatar
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    Never loved anyone before, so I wouldn't know. However, in terms of crushes I would back off and be more formal when forced to communicate with him.

    It's a totally different story if an 8 is pursuing you, though. They can be emotionally intense (just ask Elfboy :P) and at times really smothering. They become more 2-like, in a sense.

    I have been an unhealthy 8. Pretty much everything that has been regurgitated by adults "advising" me to be "respectful" and "give way" to my mother was not heeded. Back then I didn't particularly care for other people's advice, I just followed what I thought was right. If it meant fighting, then fight it is.

    Bottomline is that unhealthy 8s don't listen to anyone but themselves. Back off, don't get involved with them in the first place.
    C#2-C#5-F#5
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  4. #4
    Senior Member Chloe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Uwace View Post
    Never loved anyone before, so I wouldn't know. However, in terms of crushes I would back off and be more formal when forced to communicate with him.
    haha, this is EXACTLY what i experienced...getting more formal as there are more feelings... is that out of fear or something ????


    It's a totally different story if an 8 is pursuing you, though. They can be emotionally intense (just ask Elfboy :P) and at times really smothering. They become more 2-like, in a sense.

    I have been an unhealthy 8. Pretty much everything that has been regurgitated by adults "advising" me to be "respectful" and "give way" to my mother was not heeded. Back then I didn't particularly care for other people's advice, I just followed what I thought was right. If it meant fighting, then fight it is.

    Bottomline is that unhealthy 8s don't listen to anyone but themselves. Back off, don't get involved with them in the first place.
    HAHA, underlined - OMG, yes, I know. I see.


    about elfboy, oh, I WOULD, I WOULD ASK HIM.. BUT HE'S A 4W3 YA KNOW :yim_rolling_on_the_



    anyway.. i found this on personalitycafe, i think its EXCELLENT description of my experience with 8

    I fell in love and am still in love. My previous girlfriends didn't make me feel this way.

    Basically, we'll have a soft side that NO ONE sees, except you. And it will take a while for this to come out. We have to trust you first. If you show us softness and vulnerability, we're more likely to open up to you.

    If we're unhealthy, we'll generally be controlling and domineering, sometimes incredibly aggressive, taking out our anger on you. Stay away if we're like this, and - if you're already in this predicament - threaten to break up if we don't stop. If we truly love you, we'll make the effort for you.

    Expect there to be a lot of arguing, but stand up to it and deal with it. That's the only way you prove yourself to us, and the only way we can be vulnerable with you.

  5. #5
    Certified Sausage Smoker Elfboy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Uwace View Post
    Never loved anyone before, so I wouldn't know. However, in terms of crushes I would back off and be more formal when forced to communicate with him.

    It's a totally different story if an 8 is pursuing you, though. They can be emotionally intense (just ask Elfboy :P) and at times really smothering. They become more 2-like, in a sense.

    I have been an unhealthy 8. Pretty much everything that has been regurgitated by adults "advising" me to be "respectful" and "give way" to my mother was not heeded. Back then I didn't particularly care for other people's advice, I just followed what I thought was right. If it meant fighting, then fight it is.

    Bottomline is that unhealthy 8s don't listen to anyone but themselves. Back off, don't get involved with them in the first place.
    I'm really not emotionally intense at all (emotional intensity is something I envy when I do see it, so pure and unadulterated by logic and inhabitions), but your description is extremely accurate. 8s get reserved, closed off, paranoid and hostile when under stress.
    ENFP: We put the Fi in Fire
    ENFP
    5w4>1w9>2w1 Sx/Sp
    SEE-Fi
    Papa Bear
    Motivation: Dark Worker
    Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
    Chibi Seme
    MTG Color: black/red
    Male Archtype: King/Lover
    Sunburst!
    "You are a gay version of Gambit" Speed Gavroche
    "I wish that I could be affected by any hate, but I can't, cuz I just get affected by the bank" Chamillionaire

  6. #6
    #KUWK Kierva's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chloé View Post
    haha, this is EXACTLY what i experienced...getting more formal as there are more feelings... is that out of fear or something ????




    HAHA, underlined - OMG, yes, I know. I see.


    about elfboy, oh, I WOULD, I WOULD ASK HIM.. BUT HE'S A 4W3 YA KNOW :yim_rolling_on_the_



    anyway.. i found this on personalitycafe, i think its EXCELLENT description of my experience with 8
    Well it's a fear of vulnerability. You let people in, they might hurt you. Crushes generally need you to become "romantic" in a sense. You're forced to open up -- no 8 wants to do that, unless of course, they're healthy.

    about elfboy, oh, I WOULD, I WOULD ASK HIM.. BUT HE'S A 4W3 YA KNOW
    No, I wasn't referring to Elfboy, I was referring to me :P He's on the receiving end of my mushiness <3
    C#2-C#5-F#5
    3 octaves, 2 notes and 1 semitone
    Supported range: F#2-F#4-C#5

  7. #7
    #KUWK Kierva's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elfboy View Post
    I'm really not emotionally intense at all (emotional intensity is something I envy when I do see it, so pure and unadulterated by logic and inhabitions), but your description is extremely accurate. 8s get reserved, closed off, paranoid and hostile when under stress.
    And you call yourself a 4w3? xD

    Anyways, before all the mushiness sets in there's usually a like a test -- if they question you and they deem you worthy, then the mushiness comes in. Before that you need to be in their VIP club. If not, they'll be extremely spiky and really caustic if you ever piss them and generally cold and aloof in their demeanor.

    Every 8 is different and I'm the kind that selects people I assess as cool by observation and then just letting them into my VIP club
    C#2-C#5-F#5
    3 octaves, 2 notes and 1 semitone
    Supported range: F#2-F#4-C#5

  8. #8
    meinmeinmein! mmhmm's Avatar
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    i hate being misunderstood, by the people i truly care about.
    this is the trouble with caring about people, with the good
    feelings flowing, you're also susceptible to the poopoo kinds...
    which all have potential to affect me, and possiblity to make me
    lose control over, well, myself or the situation. and i really do not
    like losing control.

    it's not so hard to open up, it's just hard to find the right person
    to open up to, because when i do, a lot of mushy goo comes
    out too. and it'd be nice to have someone who understands
    the different shades and meanings of what strength and
    perseverance is.

    if values don't line up, i don't even bother. people say i reject
    others because of intimacy issues. i don't think it's the case.
    i just don't have the capacity to open up to people i perceive
    as weak--so i end up being very attracted to people who
    i find are independent and strong. strength in this sense
    is probably more about perseverance than anything, i like
    those that have walked on broken glass and can offer
    perspectives when i'm calm because i can get so blinded
    by rage.

    quiet strength, very hot. very attractive to me. the other
    part is the ability to keep up with me--i have a huge
    tendency towards excess, a very all-or-nothing frame
    of mind. in my life, i've found that a lot of people find it
    very hard to understand, i think it's because i'm always
    constantly making up new rules and regulations for my
    self and then when i get bored i'll break them. or make
    new ones. (tangent: i think this is why i'm spectacular
    at restrictive diets, i get so into it, get what i want out
    of it, then i resume to eat in a way that nobody understands
    how i keep the weight off)

    i don't like being called out for my softer emotions, that's
    the surest way for me to clam up or retract. i like to be
    able to express it on my own time, my own way. if not,
    i just end up denying/lying about it.
    every normal man must be tempted, at times,
    to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag,
    and begin slitting throats.
    h.l. mencken

  9. #9
    Senior Member Chloe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Uwace View Post
    No, I wasn't referring to Elfboy, I was referring to me :P He's on the receiving end of my mushiness <3
    funny because he's an 8 too.

  10. #10
    Certified Sausage Smoker Elfboy's Avatar
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    No, I wasn't referring to Elfboy, I was referring to me :P He's on the receiving end of my mushiness <3
    ENFP: We put the Fi in Fire
    ENFP
    5w4>1w9>2w1 Sx/Sp
    SEE-Fi
    Papa Bear
    Motivation: Dark Worker
    Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
    Chibi Seme
    MTG Color: black/red
    Male Archtype: King/Lover
    Sunburst!
    "You are a gay version of Gambit" Speed Gavroche
    "I wish that I could be affected by any hate, but I can't, cuz I just get affected by the bank" Chamillionaire

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