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[Type 5] e5 and Emotions

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Glycerine

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I know not to take this stuff too seriously but fellow e5, how do you deal with emotions? The main way I deal with mine is by venting on this forum or listen to "emo" music. In general, I struggle with getting in touch with my emotions.
 

Z Buck McFate

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What is this 'emotions' you speak of?


Really, the only way I even begin to know how I feel about anything is making sure I get enough time alone. I can't even begin to figure out what I'm feeling with anyone else around. And that's the part I've always struggled with the most, finding enough time alone. Once I'm alone though, it's just a matter of time before my feelings start making sense to me.
 

INTPness

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I know not to take this stuff too seriously but fellow e5, how do you deal with emotions? The main way I deal with mine is by venting on this forum or listen to "emo" music. In general, I struggle with getting in touch with my emotions.

Yeah, I do this too. I watch sappy movies and listen to sappy music - and that takes me to a very sentimental place where I'm sort of forced to live in "emotion land" for a while. Like if something really sad has happened in my life, I actually want to listen to sappy music and/or watch a chick flick, because it takes me to a place where I have to face it head-on. I have to think about it, I have to remember, etc. This helps me to work through it in a healthy way rather than just avoiding it and trying not to think about it. Better to just go ahead and sulk for a week, face the emotions, cry some tears, and then begin to heal properly.
 
G

Glycerine

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Yeah, I do this too. I watch sappy movies and listen to sappy music - and that takes me to a very sentimental place where I'm sort of forced to live in "emotion land" for a while. Like if something really sad has happened in my life, I actually want to listen to sappy music and/or watch a chick flick, because it takes me to a place where I have to face it head-on. I have to think about it, I have to remember, etc. This helps me to work through it in a healthy way rather than just avoiding it and trying not to think about it. Better to just go ahead and sulk for a week, face the emotions, cry some tears, and then begin to heal properly.

Hence my screenname. :)[YOUTUBE="kDMeEtUCq54"][/YOUTUBE]
 
G

Glycerine

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[YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kDMeEtUCq54"][/YOUTUBE]

It was for all intents and purposes, an emo song for my catharsis a long time ago. The artist either stabbed himself twice in the heart or someone else did. We will never know. Sorry, I have a habit of going on tangents without giving much background. It elicits a lot of "WTF" expressions. lol

EDIT: Pitseleh by Elliott Smith
 

strychnine

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Yeah, I do this too. I watch sappy movies and listen to sappy music - and that takes me to a very sentimental place where I'm sort of forced to live in "emotion land" for a while. Like if something really sad has happened in my life, I actually want to listen to sappy music and/or watch a chick flick, because it takes me to a place where I have to face it head-on. I have to think about it, I have to remember, etc. This helps me to work through it in a healthy way rather than just avoiding it and trying not to think about it. Better to just go ahead and sulk for a week, face the emotions, cry some tears, and then begin to heal properly.

This. If I don't force myself to go into an emotional place by watching movies/ listening to music in isolation, I will continue to suppress the emotions and not face them. I won't even know what it is that I'm feeling in the first place. Avoidance isn't that great in some situations.
 
G

Glycerine

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Thank you. I completely concur and I am the same e type (instincts and all) as you. :)
 

The_World_As_Will

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Yeah, I do this too. I watch sappy movies and listen to sappy music - and that takes me to a very sentimental place where I'm sort of forced to live in "emotion land" for a while. Like if something really sad has happened in my life, I actually want to listen to sappy music and/or watch a chick flick, because it takes me to a place where I have to face it head-on. I have to think about it, I have to remember, etc. This helps me to work through it in a healthy way rather than just avoiding it and trying not to think about it. Better to just go ahead and sulk for a week, face the emotions, cry some tears, and then begin to heal properly.

This, pretty much, Though I think i'm much more direct now with my feelings and have 'kind-of' learned not to treat them as intellectual objects but rather things to be felt, This development has made me oddly attracted to Fi ^_^ hence my INFP lurve :wubbie: But yeah, I've learned not to deny that they exist, instead channel them into something either positive or negative, by listening to music or venting to my INFP best friend or INFP girlfriend and maybe picking them apart to find a root cause and fixing that root cause.. yeahh gotta get out of feeling-land eventually :p
 

VagrantFarce

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Sometimes, opening up your feelings in public is a bit like fraying your own nerves - you just want to protect yourself and hide the wound. Having the courage to say "in sync" with it "out in the open" is something I've had to learn to be comfortable with.

I guess you just have to convince yourself that no one is going to take advantage of you when you're most vulnerable, and that they'll even appreciate you for opening up when you do - the trust and love that's returned can be immeasurable. It's sometimes been tough for me to accept that, though.

[youtube=9SBNCYkSceU]*[/youtube]
 
G

Glycerine

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Sometimes, opening up your feelings in public is a bit like fraying your own nerves - you just want to protect yourself and hide the wound. Having the courage to say "in sync" with it "out in the open" is something I've had to learn to be comfortable with.

I guess you just have to convince yourself that no one is going to take advantage of you when you're most vulnerable, and that they'll even appreciate you for opening up when you do - the trust and love that's returned can be immeasurable. It's sometimes been tough for me to accept that, though.

[youtube=9SBNCYkSceU]*[/youtube]

You're right. That was eye-opening. I have just been hurt a lot or people closet to me will tell me "I'm overreacting" when it is just how I am feeling. In order to have a more fulfilling life, one needs to open up and take risks, huh?:)
 

CrystalViolet

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I don't know how much help I will be, seeing as I'm e5 infp. Having an outlet (such as art projects), or safe person to vent at helps, otherwise I tend to short circut. Trying to squish down feelings, or pushing them to the side, tends to result in me venting at the wrong person, or at the wrong time. I tend to go a long time without expressing things that bother me.... I differ slightly from the rest of you in that I'm generally aware those feelings are there, but it's more about not knowing the depth or extent of the feelings. I still pratice avoidance tactics etc, detachment in worst case senarios. At least until I'm in a safe place.
 

Such Irony

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Honestly I have a hard time answering this question. I try hard to avoid myself from getting emotionally overwhelmed in the first place. I guess, I find that I best process my feelings when left alone to reflect on things. Sometimes I try to rationalize my way out of the feelings. If that doesn't work then I just let them pass with time.
 

Z Buck McFate

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I guess you just have to convince yourself that no one is going to take advantage of you when you're most vulnerable, and that they'll even appreciate you for opening up when you do - the trust and love that's returned can be immeasurable. It's sometimes been tough for me to accept that, though.

I'm not sure convincing oneself that no one is going to try to take advantage of the vulnerability is the best path, because it simply isn't in our control. It's probably a good idea to try to remember that the odds of dealing with someone who will try to take advantage aren't as high as we likely think they are, but that still doesn't necessarily make is safe to gamble. I think there's a better answer to this which has something to do with learning to assert our own will (e8 style, so we can't be taken advantage of in the first place), but I'm still working on figuring it out myself- so I don't have any great answers.
 

VagrantFarce

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I'm not sure convincing oneself that no one is going to try to take advantage of the vulnerability is the best path, because it simply isn't in our control. It's probably a good idea to try to remember that the odds of dealing with someone who will try to take advantage aren't as high as we likely think they are, but that still doesn't necessarily make is safe to gamble. I think there's a better answer to this which has something to do with learning to assert our own will (e8 style, so we can't be taken advantage of in the first place), but I'm still working on figuring it out myself- so I don't have any great answers.

I think what you're proposing is a sort of pre-emptive assertion, which is still being on the defensive - I'm not sure that's a very healthy reaction to the possibility of having to express your own feelings.

Fives like being in control, because they don't feel like they're in control - life is too overwhelming to risk affection. What's you're proposing doesn't solve this compulsion, all it does is augment it - like a cornered fox snarling at it's own shadow. The only real cure is to concede detachment, place your stakes emotionally and let life affect you. Whatever strength you feel you're missing will come to you very naturally, only this time it will be augmented by emotion and participation rather than needing to defend your detached relation to the world.
 

Z Buck McFate

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Whatever strength you feel you're missing will come to you very naturally, only this time it will be augmented by emotion and participation rather than needing to defend your detached relation to the world.

I don't think it does come naturally, though. I think it takes work, and a lot of conscious effort (through things like specific affirmations to oneself) to change the automatic thoughts which turn risky events into self-fulfilling prophecies. While I agree that trusting people is a step in the right direction, I think it's a bad idea to assume all the pieces will fall into the correct places by simply making the decision to trust people more.
 

VagrantFarce

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I don't think it does come naturally, though. I think it takes work, and a lot of conscious effort (through things like specific affirmations to oneself) to change the automatic thoughts which turn risky events into self-fulfilling prophecies. While I agree that trusting people is a step in the right direction, I think it's a bad idea to assume all the pieces will fall into the correct places by simply making the decision to trust people more.

Well, I'm only speaking from experience. Don't think of being vulnerable as being naive - they aren't the same thing. Similarly, detachment and mistrust don't make you smart or strong.

Think of it this way - the more vulnerable you make yourself, the stronger you'll become. The less vulnerable you become, the more removed from life you are. And life is what it's all about.
 

Arclight

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I guess you just have to convince yourself that no one is going to take advantage of you when you're most vulnerable, and that they'll even appreciate you for opening up when you do - the trust and love that's returned can be immeasurable. It's sometimes been tough for me to accept that, though.

This

People are going to try all the time. So we learn some skills to cope. We accept that some people are going to hurt us and we learn resilience.
We accept people are going to lie so we develop a bullshit detector. We know people are dangerous so we trust our "spidey sense".
But you also have to learn to tell the difference.
Most people mean well or are just stupid.
Being hurt, lied to, cheated on or tricked by one doesn't spoil the whole human race.
Or it shouldn't anyway.
And my favorite.. No one is perfect
 
G

Glycerine

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All good points and I think I see what Vagrant is trying to say. I don't think he literally meant that we should delude ourselves into thinking everyone isn't going to hurt us but that we should not view human nature to be quite as hostile and learn to be a bit trusting because in the end, the benefits can outweigh the risks. Coping mechanisms are great and all but they usually leave more to be desired. For example, I am an incredibly sensitive person so I learned how to disengage most of the time but now it makes the world feel black and white (blah). I think emotions add a little color.
 

Arclight

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All good points and I think I see what Vagrant is trying to say. I don't think he literally meant that we should delude ourselves into thinking everyone isn't going to hurt us but that we should not view human nature to be quite as hostile and learn to be a bit trusting because in the end, the benefits can outweigh the risks. Coping mechanisms are great and all but they usually leave more to be desired. For example, I am an incredibly sensitive person so I learned how to disengage most of the time but now it makes the world feel black and white (blah). I think emotions add a little color.

As with everything, it's finding a balance.
I believe people are generally good spirited and I try not to tar and feather the whole species because of the behavior of one or two people.
Emotions don't just add color, they are essential.
They are like a Horse.. You can catch a wild horse and keep it. You can put it in a pen, but It will get out and it might kick a few people during it's escape. Riding it is totally dangerous.
But if you tame and train it, It's become a symbiotic relationship and, during the hard times, it's actually your horse (emotions) that carries you and does all the hard work. You horse will protect you.

Now think about traveling long distance without the horse. Try pulling the plow yourself. Or see how fast you can flee a pack of Coyotes on foot, or better, watch your horse scare them away.

Tame your emotions and they serve you better than not having them or leaving them to fester in the wild of your inner-scape .
 
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