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Thread: e5 and Emotions

  1. #11
    Glycerine
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    Quote Originally Posted by VagrantFarce View Post
    Sometimes, opening up your feelings in public is a bit like fraying your own nerves - you just want to protect yourself and hide the wound. Having the courage to say "in sync" with it "out in the open" is something I've had to learn to be comfortable with.

    I guess you just have to convince yourself that no one is going to take advantage of you when you're most vulnerable, and that they'll even appreciate you for opening up when you do - the trust and love that's returned can be immeasurable. It's sometimes been tough for me to accept that, though.

    [youtube=9SBNCYkSceU]*[/youtube]
    You're right. That was eye-opening. I have just been hurt a lot or people closet to me will tell me "I'm overreacting" when it is just how I am feeling. In order to have a more fulfilling life, one needs to open up and take risks, huh?

  2. #12
    lab rat extraordinaire CrystalViolet's Avatar
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    I don't know how much help I will be, seeing as I'm e5 infp. Having an outlet (such as art projects), or safe person to vent at helps, otherwise I tend to short circut. Trying to squish down feelings, or pushing them to the side, tends to result in me venting at the wrong person, or at the wrong time. I tend to go a long time without expressing things that bother me.... I differ slightly from the rest of you in that I'm generally aware those feelings are there, but it's more about not knowing the depth or extent of the feelings. I still pratice avoidance tactics etc, detachment in worst case senarios. At least until I'm in a safe place.
    Currently submerged under an avalanche of books and paper work. I may come back up for air from time to time.
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  3. #13
    Honor Thy Inferior Such Irony's Avatar
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    Honestly I have a hard time answering this question. I try hard to avoid myself from getting emotionally overwhelmed in the first place. I guess, I find that I best process my feelings when left alone to reflect on things. Sometimes I try to rationalize my way out of the feelings. If that doesn't work then I just let them pass with time.
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  4. #14
    can't handcuff the wind Z Buck McFate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by VagrantFarce View Post
    I guess you just have to convince yourself that no one is going to take advantage of you when you're most vulnerable, and that they'll even appreciate you for opening up when you do - the trust and love that's returned can be immeasurable. It's sometimes been tough for me to accept that, though.
    I'm not sure convincing oneself that no one is going to try to take advantage of the vulnerability is the best path, because it simply isn't in our control. It's probably a good idea to try to remember that the odds of dealing with someone who will try to take advantage aren't as high as we likely think they are, but that still doesn't necessarily make is safe to gamble. I think there's a better answer to this which has something to do with learning to assert our own will (e8 style, so we can't be taken advantage of in the first place), but I'm still working on figuring it out myself- so I don't have any great answers.
    Reality is a collective hunch. -Lily Tomlin

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  5. #15
    Senior Member VagrantFarce's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Z Buck McFate View Post
    I'm not sure convincing oneself that no one is going to try to take advantage of the vulnerability is the best path, because it simply isn't in our control. It's probably a good idea to try to remember that the odds of dealing with someone who will try to take advantage aren't as high as we likely think they are, but that still doesn't necessarily make is safe to gamble. I think there's a better answer to this which has something to do with learning to assert our own will (e8 style, so we can't be taken advantage of in the first place), but I'm still working on figuring it out myself- so I don't have any great answers.
    I think what you're proposing is a sort of pre-emptive assertion, which is still being on the defensive - I'm not sure that's a very healthy reaction to the possibility of having to express your own feelings.

    Fives like being in control, because they don't feel like they're in control - life is too overwhelming to risk affection. What's you're proposing doesn't solve this compulsion, all it does is augment it - like a cornered fox snarling at it's own shadow. The only real cure is to concede detachment, place your stakes emotionally and let life affect you. Whatever strength you feel you're missing will come to you very naturally, only this time it will be augmented by emotion and participation rather than needing to defend your detached relation to the world.
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  6. #16
    can't handcuff the wind Z Buck McFate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by VagrantFarce View Post
    Whatever strength you feel you're missing will come to you very naturally, only this time it will be augmented by emotion and participation rather than needing to defend your detached relation to the world.
    I don't think it does come naturally, though. I think it takes work, and a lot of conscious effort (through things like specific affirmations to oneself) to change the automatic thoughts which turn risky events into self-fulfilling prophecies. While I agree that trusting people is a step in the right direction, I think it's a bad idea to assume all the pieces will fall into the correct places by simply making the decision to trust people more.
    Reality is a collective hunch. -Lily Tomlin

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  7. #17
    Senior Member VagrantFarce's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Z Buck McFate View Post
    I don't think it does come naturally, though. I think it takes work, and a lot of conscious effort (through things like specific affirmations to oneself) to change the automatic thoughts which turn risky events into self-fulfilling prophecies. While I agree that trusting people is a step in the right direction, I think it's a bad idea to assume all the pieces will fall into the correct places by simply making the decision to trust people more.
    Well, I'm only speaking from experience. Don't think of being vulnerable as being naive - they aren't the same thing. Similarly, detachment and mistrust don't make you smart or strong.

    Think of it this way - the more vulnerable you make yourself, the stronger you'll become. The less vulnerable you become, the more removed from life you are. And life is what it's all about.
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  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by VagrantFarce View Post
    I guess you just have to convince yourself that no one is going to take advantage of you when you're most vulnerable, and that they'll even appreciate you for opening up when you do - the trust and love that's returned can be immeasurable. It's sometimes been tough for me to accept that, though.
    This

    People are going to try all the time. So we learn some skills to cope. We accept that some people are going to hurt us and we learn resilience.
    We accept people are going to lie so we develop a bullshit detector. We know people are dangerous so we trust our "spidey sense".
    But you also have to learn to tell the difference.
    Most people mean well or are just stupid.
    Being hurt, lied to, cheated on or tricked by one doesn't spoil the whole human race.
    Or it shouldn't anyway.
    And my favorite.. No one is perfect

  9. #19
    Glycerine
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    All good points and I think I see what Vagrant is trying to say. I don't think he literally meant that we should delude ourselves into thinking everyone isn't going to hurt us but that we should not view human nature to be quite as hostile and learn to be a bit trusting because in the end, the benefits can outweigh the risks. Coping mechanisms are great and all but they usually leave more to be desired. For example, I am an incredibly sensitive person so I learned how to disengage most of the time but now it makes the world feel black and white (blah). I think emotions add a little color.

  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pitseleh View Post
    All good points and I think I see what Vagrant is trying to say. I don't think he literally meant that we should delude ourselves into thinking everyone isn't going to hurt us but that we should not view human nature to be quite as hostile and learn to be a bit trusting because in the end, the benefits can outweigh the risks. Coping mechanisms are great and all but they usually leave more to be desired. For example, I am an incredibly sensitive person so I learned how to disengage most of the time but now it makes the world feel black and white (blah). I think emotions add a little color.
    As with everything, it's finding a balance.
    I believe people are generally good spirited and I try not to tar and feather the whole species because of the behavior of one or two people.
    Emotions don't just add color, they are essential.
    They are like a Horse.. You can catch a wild horse and keep it. You can put it in a pen, but It will get out and it might kick a few people during it's escape. Riding it is totally dangerous.
    But if you tame and train it, It's become a symbiotic relationship and, during the hard times, it's actually your horse (emotions) that carries you and does all the hard work. You horse will protect you.

    Now think about traveling long distance without the horse. Try pulling the plow yourself. Or see how fast you can flee a pack of Coyotes on foot, or better, watch your horse scare them away.

    Tame your emotions and they serve you better than not having them or leaving them to fester in the wild of your inner-scape .

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