User Tag List

12 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 11

  1. #1
    Dreaming the life onemoretime's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    MBTI
    3h50
    Socionics
    ILE
    Posts
    4,460

    Default Sexual Sevens...

    are always searching for "the one," aren't we? To me, this suggests that counterintuitively, this can lead to having fewer relationships. There will be a lack of willingness to commit at first if it doesn't feel right, and "good enough" rarely is - the person has to be "perfect."

    Your thoughts?

  2. #2

    Default

    I'm not sure if finding 'the one' is particularly a sx 7 trait, more-so a trait of being an sx in general, I'm an sx 5 and I want to find 'the one' as well, I think it's the general nature of the sexual instinct, to form this extremely meaningful, ever-lasting connection, but Yes, I would agree that it may lead to few relationships, not just for Sevens, Personally for myself as a Five, I haven't really dated, and currently in my first relationship, so idk I do think whatever vibes people pick up from sx-doms of any types is a real hit or miss, some people are really intrigued by it, while others are repulsed.

    But when I think of Sx Sevens, I think of Chet Baker

    [youtube="3zrSoHgAAWo"]...[/YOUTUBE]

    [youtube="sHXuCBMItOo"]...[/youtube]


    [youtube="Q0ZBaZoBCaA"]^_^[/youtube]

  3. #3
    i love skylights's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 so/sx
    Socionics
    EII Ne
    Posts
    7,835

    Default

    I'm not sure if finding 'the one' is particularly a sx 7 trait, more-so a trait of being an sx in general


    i don't know my number, but i know i'm sx-first, and the "quest" for something to fulfill me has always been a part of my life. it has not always been romantic. in fact, it's been non-romantic often. when i was a child, it manifested as desiring some thing that would make me whole. the perfect toy that was a good reflection of me and a good partner. that would complete who i was. but of course, when i got the thing, i was ecstatic at first... and then sad when i realized it wasn't fulfilling me. so i'd try again. i look around my room - i see several attempts at perfect stuffed toys, perfect dolls, perfect baubles. when i became a teen, it shifted to clothing and achieving a perfect look. if i could put together flat abs and a tan and light makeup and this blue 3/4 length shirt with a sun-moon pattern on it and dark jeans and a silver puffy vest and my puka necklace and be 121 lbs, then i'd be fulfilled. i would set up plans, draw complex diagrams, etc of all this - but no, of course. unfulfilled. or perhaps i would make my goals so lofty that i could never really reach them realistically. that kept the idea at a romantic distance then, too. because it never actualized i could always keep believing it would fulfill me. then it shifted again. i was after jewelry. the perfect pair of earrings. the perfect necklace. the perfect ring. and so on.

    i did it with relationships too, of course. i pursue relationships i can't have more than ones i can. one of the most repelling things to me is for a potential suitor to be eager to get with me. that basically friend zones them in my book. i need someone who's a challenge. and i often stay with that challenge for a very long time. once i had the unfortunate occurrence of falling for someone who was not interested, and became their close friend, then pushed them a little more, and a little more, but they never responded in kind. 2 years later our paths took us very different directions. i moved on and found someone else to love. then i met up with them a year later. told me they loved me. bummer. i had my heart ripped open when we separated, but i healed and grew, and now i was in love with someone else.

  4. #4
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Enneagram
    451
    Posts
    4

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by onemoretime View Post
    are always searching for "the one," aren't we? To me, this suggests that counterintuitively, this can lead to having fewer relationships. There will be a lack of willingness to commit at first if it doesn't feel right, and "good enough" rarely is - the person has to be "perfect."

    Your thoughts?
    all i know is.. if i'm looking for it, it won't smack me in the face.. ya dig ? lol jk

  5. #5
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    117

    Default

    sx7 has a much HEAVIER feel than the other 7s

  6. #6
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    MBTI
    ENTJ
    Enneagram
    7w8
    Socionics
    ENTj
    Posts
    5,908

    Default

    Sure it does, I don't believe it can be considered as counter-intuitive. If you look for something perfect, you're bound to find less of it - since perfection is defined with respect to a distribution, thus you can always add granularity to your choice (i.e. even if humans were to become perfect, there would still be a higher level of zoom available to check for imperfections). That's where the connection between 7 and 4 arises.

    Btw ofc something which is often forgotten: our search for "perfection" extends itself to friendships and experiences too, not just romantic relationships.
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  7. #7
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    MBTI
    infj
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx/sp
    Posts
    2,460

    Default

    i agree with fdg. it seems less to me to be about "the one" and more about the best of all possibles. it's the whole e7 strategy, but it's less about getting stuck in pain (and needing to keep as many options open as a result) as it is in getting stuck wanting something else with all the intensity of an sx type and being in a position when it's not possible to go after what you want (and thusly feeling deprived of what you feel like you are entitled to, your want, that you overidentify with). sx types are ambitious, willful, competitive, and want what they want, and being disconnected from that makes sx types feel inauthentic. but, at the same time, it's kind of bullshit too. the good thing about sx is that it is willing to incur personal risk in order to go after what it wants, regardless of what other people expect. the bad thing is that it often doesn't really listen to others and their needs because the only thing that matters is what I want (and what i want RIGHT NOW, in this particular moment).

    to me the idea of 7 sx being consumed by "the one" seems mostly out of touch with the 7 sx types that i've met. my best friend is a 7 sx, and while the mental connection is probably the best i've ever experienced, the amount of space necessary is also pretty damn significant. because we are both very independent in our interests, even tho they intersect so consistently. while it's easy to reconnect and just get right to it, to feel immersed almost immediately, i can't really imagine how this plays out in a significant other relationship especially with another sx type. when both people feel that their individual paths are far more significant than making the sacrifices necessary to share a path. i think, for 7 (exxps), it's probably not until the tertiary really kicks in that a real choice is even viable (as a long term choice, i mean), at which point, the person can develop a larger kind of goal structure and be a little more hierarchical in thinking rather than just always operating 100% from particular moments of decision within the possible stories he or she is trying to tell. this tertiary i know for me is significant, but as an infj, it's not for the big goal structure as much as it is for how to connect that goal structure to where i'm actually at right now, to revise the goal structure with the given constraints of the possible stories i can tell from where i currently am.

  8. #8
    Dreaming the life onemoretime's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    MBTI
    3h50
    Socionics
    ILE
    Posts
    4,460

    Default

    I guess when I say the one, I mean that there's a platonic ideal of intimacy that we constantly yearn for, but this yearning is ultimately self-destructive, simply because it's unrealistic.

  9. #9
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    MBTI
    ENTJ
    Enneagram
    7w8
    Socionics
    ENTj
    Posts
    5,908

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by onemoretime View Post
    I guess when I say the one, I mean that there's a platonic ideal of intimacy that we constantly yearn for, but this yearning is ultimately self-destructive, simply because it's unrealistic.
    Unless you find it?
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  10. #10
    Dreaming the life onemoretime's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    MBTI
    3h50
    Socionics
    ILE
    Posts
    4,460

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    Unless you find it?
    Except that it's a platonic ideal, after all - you can't find it, because there's nothing on the planet that meets that standard.

    The perfect is the enemy of the sufficient, after all.

Similar Threads

  1. INT : The magnificent seven.
    By Xander in forum General Psychology
    Replies: 61
    Last Post: 06-20-2007, 10:49 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO