I test over and over again, and sometimes 4 traits come up a little higher and sometimes 5 traits come up a little higher. Usually they are very close and it depends on the test and how it is phrased. How can I decide? They both sound like me, but not completely me. Both of the healthy and unhealthy traits ring mostly true. (In both I test toward Self Preservation but I don't know much about that and what it means.) I want to make use of the "direction of integration" and so forth, by finding my dominant type once and for all.
I have read the key traits multiple times and just can't decide. Some things about the 4 don't ring true. I don't feel a huge desire for express myself or be thought unique. I like to be, and do tend toward originality, but it doesn't seem like a huge motivation. I don't really manipulate people, or it is very unconscious, I don't think that I am that hypersensitive, it is rare that I feel "slighted" and if I do say so, it is when it is justified. I have never consciously "tested" someone in a relationship. Although I can't say "I don't care what people think" because that's actually important, I also don't have a lot of patience for what people might think. if I don't respect the person or understand them, I don't care how they perceive me. I am rather at the mercy of my moods, though. I find it very difficult to do things if I'm not in the mood. I usually have to psyche myself up for things, so I can be in the mood to do them right. I am often very detached. If I get in kind of a depressive state, I tend to resort to collecting books and reading, trying to learn new things, become consumed by things I am interested in, get good at them. That part about the 5 rings very true. That and I generally keep a "poker face", don't pick up the phone or call for months, loner. That sort of thing. But, usually if I withdraw it is out of low self esteem. Not feeling "ready" for contact with people, consumed with self hatred, but trying to improve. The 5 sounds a bit too unemotional and unsocial, and the 4 sounds too emotional, too volatile.
Right now I suspect that I'm a dominant 4 that doesn't like my personality description. At other times I have been sure I'm a 5. The bit about desiring to be thought "a unique individual" doesn't ring as true as desire to be respected, knowledgable. I feel like, I'd rather do something good in a respectable way than bad in a unique way. Ha! Perhaps I am being too literal about the type descriptions somehow or just not seeing something and someone can help point this out to me. I probably sound more like a 4 right now, but trying to type me that way probably won't completely satisfy me. I want to know the importnat things to look for so one month from now when I'm not leaning toward one or the other, I can see it with fresh eyes.
Can mbti personality results assist with this? I just tested as ISTP, although sometimes I test more toward F than T. I've seen people drawing comparisons between eneagram and mbti, but I don't know if there's really an accurate correlation or how to use it for narrowing down my enneagram type.
Any tips or thoughts appreciated.