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  1. #1
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    Default 8s v THE WORLD!!!1!

    /booming voice


    ~ A deep desire, nay, compulsion for control over self, environment and people.

    ~ Inability to allow vulnerability.

    ~ A fear of being controlled by others.


    How do you 8s and winger 8s approach those areas of your Enneagram?

    If you see any as things that are not appropriate at all times how do you release control to others and stop yourself from recoiling from your own vulnerabilities?

  2. #2

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    I fight for control over them all. Or I side step. Wait... I don't have any compulsion over others. Myself and my environment yeah...

  3. #3
    Senior Member Goosebump's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kasper View Post
    /booming voice


    ~ A deep desire, nay, compulsion for control over self, environment and people.

    ~ Inability to allow vulnerability.

    ~ A fear of being controlled by others.


    How do you 8s and winger 8s approach those areas of your Enneagram?

    If you see any as things that are not appropriate at all times how do you release control to others and stop yourself from recoiling from your own vulnerabilities?
    I wouldn't say I have a compulsion to control. It's more like the need of being in control of myself and what I do, exerting force when I feel that someone is overstepping my boundary. So to me, it's not about controlling others but about not letting others control me.

    Sometimes I could come off as being aggressive, especially when I was younger. For the most part, I try to be assertive and keep it on the issue instead of the person. Though I can't say I succeed every time :p
    In the practice of tolerance, one's enemy is the best teacher.

    9w8 so/sx/sp

    --Deviantart--

  4. #4
    Certified Sausage Smoker Elfboy's Avatar
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    I'm a 4w3, but my tritype is 4-8-5 so I can relate to a lot of this. healthy 4s and 8s really aren't that different from each other, even if they appear to be on the outside.
    1) both desire independence and are usually willing to do anything to get it
    2) if you get in their way, both types are vicious
    3) both want things to be real and have no patience with people who are fake and watered down
    4) healthy 8s become more excepting and healthy 4s become stronger (although unhealthy 8s and 4s are usually pretty different)
    5) both don't like the vast majority of people
    6) you really can't make a 4 or an 8 do anything they don't want do, unless you have a ton of leverage on them (and they will work to be free of this leverage ASAP)
    7) both of them want you to tell them exactly what is on your mind, and they're willing to except anything you say if it's honest.
    8) 4s and 8s both need their personal space more than most types (except for 5s, they tend to need a lot too)

    people misunderstand 8s most of the time though. most people think they're cruel, heartless and controlling. 8s are anything but. they're too busy doing their thing to want to control yours and they don't want to anyway because they know how much it pisses them off when others try to do it to them. my best friend is an INTJ 8w7 and we get along because we can be 100% honest with each other and we just give each other suggestions and exchange information constantly. it's funny because we don't go along with anything until we're convinced and we frequently talk for several hours at a time about something we disagree with, which is fine because neither of us takes things personally.

  5. #5
    Senior Member VagrantFarce's Avatar
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    Hello

  6. #6
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    /booming voice
    Check.

    ~ A deep desire, nay, compulsion for control over self, environment and people.
    I've got the first two nailed down. And I've found that delegating responsibility to others while showing them how our aims are convergent helps me find others to pursue common goals.

    ~ Inability to allow vulnerability.
    I've gotten so much better at this as I aged (showing vulnerability that is).

    ~ A fear of being controlled by others.
    I'm OK being controlled by others as long as they are competent and I agree with the goals we are working towards.


    If you see any as things that are not appropriate at all times how do you release control to others and stop yourself from recoiling from your own vulnerabilities?
    By delegating responsibility to others in a work environment so as not to take on too much and crash & burn, and by making close friends and SO's who I can trust with knowledge of my vulnerability.

  7. #7
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Goosebump View Post
    I wouldn't say I have a compulsion to control. It's more like the need of being in control of myself and what I do, exerting force when I feel that someone is overstepping my boundary. So to me, it's not about controlling others but about not letting others control me.
    That's more accurate for me too. Do you struggle with the vulnerability aspect?


    Quote Originally Posted by DiscoBiscuit View Post
    I'm OK being controlled by others as long as they are competent and I agree with the goals we are working towards.
    Indeed, seems like a good balance to have, no point allowing someone incompetent to control things. So that leaves vulnerability...

    Quote Originally Posted by DiscoBiscuit View Post
    I've gotten so much better at this as I aged (showing vulnerability that is).

    ...and by making close friends and SO's who I can trust with knowledge of my vulnerability.
    Trust is important, but even with that I struggle to a degree, one of the issues is acknowledging vulnerabilities to myself, let alone others. How have you improved on things?

  8. #8
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    ~ A deep desire, nay, compulsion for control over self, environment and people.

    This is definitely a driving factor. Via control, to me, I can gain so much, both good and bad. With control, I can guide the mediums used to go down either path. It is such a simple word, that is so complex and identifies so much for me. I truly cannot say enough about how much this word, ironically, runs my life.
    Control over myself.. I do with several things. I regulate what I want.. I save money, and I enjoy budgeting my funds. I meditate, exercise, and eat right.. to give me at least some control over my physical body.
    Control over my environment. I meditate, analyze, and learn. I interact with people of all sorts, and get many perspectives. I stay open minded, and educate myself on the things around me to be better prepared.
    Control over others... This one I have no at all mastered.. but I do acknowledge that I can manipulate things to my favor at times. Generally, if they are a stranger, I care not for them. If they are people in my life I care for.. I generally want what is best for them.. so I suppose I have control over others in the sense that I try my best to ensure that myself, their environment, and themselves are secure and protected.

    ~ Inability to allow vulnerability.

    I had a run in with this last night as a matter of fact.. every so often, I know how much it stings to be vulnerable. I think part of the reason I get so scared of being feminine is that sense of vulnerability that comes with it. If I met a nice guy, and settled down with him, I may yet again learn how to handle this.. On my own, however, it remains the bane of my existence. Any weakness and shortcoming is accented. Telling me what I am not capable of enrages me.. because not only do I have a weakness there, but someone knows about it now. Mainly, I am best at handling it via trust. I put my trust into people.. being optimistic about that trust succeeding and helping me in my favor, and being sure to value theirs in return, is some of the most positive ways I've dealt with this point.

    ~ A fear of being controlled by others.

    Anything. It's scary, all of it. I'm scared of fire and electricity because of how out of control it can become so quickly. Disease, illness.. the scope of it all makes my stomach wretch. The thought of someone toying with me like a puppet, probing me and testing me.. especially when I am an open book and go out of my way to give them forward, and honest ways of learning about me... it's awful in my head. My run in's with authority are split. I can respect a position of authority over me.. but it's come from hard work that I've been able to do that.

    If you see any as things that are not appropriate at all times how do you release control to others and stop yourself from recoiling from your own vulnerabilities?

    I think forgiveness is a major helper with everything. It's been defined before as "stopping a person and situation from hurting you." TRuly, I feel this is the best definition for it. Forgiving situations makes me feel more in control of my environment and the others interacting in it.

    I feel it is appropriate to let go during several things.. once I notice someone is more experienced and wise, I cannot help but trust them. Im not arrogant, so I dont feel like I know more than someone more experienced. Systems, rules and regulations help me respect authority figures even if I dont like them. As long as I know there's a strict set of rules to go by, I can easily feel secure in the system without them bothering me too much. With my own vulernabilities. I challenge them. I snowboard even though I hate the cold, and heights. It's an amazing experience, to be so scared but have so much fun. I run even though I dont like it. I push myself on everything I feel I fall short on. I feel it keeps me sane.
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  9. #9
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    Trust is important, but even with that I struggle to a degree, one of the issues is acknowledging vulnerabilities to myself, let alone others. How have you improved on things?
    By being as honest and open about myself as I can on this forum for one thing.

    It really takes me a while to truly trust someone IRL in lieu of the fact that I have been hurt more times than I care to mention for trusting too quickly.

    Thus... I have used this forum as a safe place (mostly) for me to be honest with myself about myself in a venue where the possible negative consequences of doing so are greatly minimized.

    I have revealed more info about myself, and most importantly about my thought processes on here than I ever have in real life.

    The worst thing that can happen on here from being honest about myself is some idiot through a screen rips on me from 1000's of miles away.

    The best thing that can happen is I truly connect with people on this forum in such a way that we form lasting relationships that can transcend the electronic medium through which we communicate...

    Basically, thanks everyone whose been there for me, or given me advice and support.

    Your continuing care and interest in my small life has given me some desperately needed comfort in some of the darkest times of my life.

    Now that things are better, I look forward to keeping you all informed and helping each in whatever small way I can.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Goosebump's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kasper View Post
    That's more accurate for me too. Do you struggle with the vulnerability aspect?
    So I'm reading your question as "How do you feel about letting others see your vulnerable side?"

    I will let others know some of my vulnerable aspects, but these are usually the ones I don't feel strongly about anyway. I only allow few people in my life (those who are very close to me) know what I really feel uncomfortable about. Even then, it's difficult to share. I find others telling me about their insecurities and letting themselves be vulnerable to me, and I have no problem with that, but many times I find it hard to reciprocate.

    Basically to most people, I only share what I don't consider as "true weaknesses".
    In the practice of tolerance, one's enemy is the best teacher.

    9w8 so/sx/sp

    --Deviantart--

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