User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 43

  1. #1
    From the Undertow CuriousFeeling's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    MBTI
    INfJ
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp/sx
    Socionics
    EII
    Posts
    3,456

    Default Type 4s and relationship with parents/family

    General question I've got... do all type 4's experience issues with relationships with their parents/family? Could a type 4's individualism/imagination stem from another source other than parental issues, and more from their birth order (i.e. growing up as an only child, establishing the fact that they are different from most families that have more than 1 child, and having to keep themselves entertained)? I have a theory that a type 4 in a normal family life, might have been encouraged to be an individual, despite the fact that their family's core values might have been different from those that had to keep up with the latest trends, yet when they enter the real world, they feel misunderstood by those that don't share those values and don't have the same level of imagination or emotional sensitivity as they do. They yearn to have a sense of true family in the social sense... to find their core group of friends that they connect with. This type 4 might find it difficult to have a close connection with others because they are fiercely independent and true to their values, and do not make compromises. They are moody and temperamental if something doesn't work out to their ideals. They might find it better to do independent work, rather than do group work in school. If there is a death in this type of type 4's family, this would definitely set forth the traditional type 4 yearning. They will yearn for someone to fill the void for the person that is missing in their life.

    My theory could be off, but I'd like to see what you guys think. I hypothesize that type 4 children might experience parental strain, but if they grow up in a loving environment that encourages their individualism, they might also have type 4 traits as well.

    Just curious.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    Johari/Nohari

    “Thoughts are the shadows of our feelings -- always darker, emptier and simpler.”
    ― Friedrich Nietzsche




  2. #2
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 so/sp
    Posts
    2,912

    Default

    ^ I would agree with that.

    I'm a 4 and don't have family issues at all - and I was always confused by that element of the e4 description. My family have been pretty understanding and accepting of me despite how different I am from them. All of the judging and undemining of my character has been by others.
    INFP 4w5 so/sp

    I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas;
    they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.

    - Emily Bronte

  3. #3
    From the Undertow CuriousFeeling's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    MBTI
    INfJ
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp/sx
    Socionics
    EII
    Posts
    3,456

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Southern Kross View Post
    ^ I would agree with that.

    I'm a 4 and don't have family issues at all - and I was always confused by that element of the e4 description. My family have been pretty understanding and accepting of me despite how different I am from them. All of the judging and undemining of my character has been by others.
    Glad to see I'm not the only one who is a bit confused about that element too. It could be something that can cause classic type 4 yearning, but I think there are a lot more factors that can influence the type 4's feelings of being out of place. I think that type 4's generally yearn for a place that they belong in... regardless of family issues. It can be related to how they were treated in a social environment, or if they have ideas/values that aren't widely shared by others, unusual amount of imagination, and high emotional sensitivity that makes them stand out. The thing is, as a type 4, it is so important to make sure that they find their niche, especially so then they can be creative, and have their imaginations/ feelings be of value to someone else. This can be in a career or in a social world. I think that healthy type 4's come from families that encourage them to be themselves, no matter what anyone else says, and have both parents play an active role in their life. Because of this, the type 4 in this environment can develop a positive relationship with their family. Raising a type 4 can be a challenge because they can be moody and temperamental, especially if the type 4 perceives the slightest remark to be aimed negatively at them. Emotions run strong for type 4s. Yearning can be caused by how the type 4 was raised but it is caused by other things too.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    Johari/Nohari

    “Thoughts are the shadows of our feelings -- always darker, emptier and simpler.”
    ― Friedrich Nietzsche




  4. #4
    Epiphany
    Guest

    Default

    I had a good relationship with my parents, but I was raised as an only child in a religiously conservative environment. My feelings of isolation came mostly from school/peer groups.
    Last edited by Epiphany; 11-26-2010 at 04:02 AM.

  5. #5
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    8,193

    Default

    4s are characterized by a sense of abandonment at times when they're children, but it's perfectly possible to have a regular childhood and either a) interpret something as abandonment or b) just envision that one needs to be special and unique in order to secure affection. I'm a 5, but I never really felt like I needed to detach and withdraw as defense from my family so much, it was just my natural manner of being. I expect the same is true of you, and probably all types who have had generally pleasant childhoods.



  6. #6
    From the Undertow CuriousFeeling's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    MBTI
    INfJ
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp/sx
    Socionics
    EII
    Posts
    3,456

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Mask Manifest View Post
    I had a good relationship with my parents, but I was raised as an only child too in a religiously conservative environment. My feelings of isolation came mostly from school/peer groups.
    This sounds somewhat familiar, minus the religiously conservative part.

    Quote Originally Posted by JocktheMotie View Post
    4s are characterized by a sense of abandonment at times when they're children, but it's perfectly possible to have a regular childhood and either a) interpret something as abandonment or b) just envision that one needs to be special and unique in order to secure affection. I'm a 5, but I never really felt like I needed to detach and withdraw as defense from my family so much, it was just my natural manner of being. I expect the same is true of you, and probably all types who have had generally pleasant childhoods.
    I remember as a kid, I hated the thought of my parents going away on a trip without me. I remember when my dad went on his first business trip, I was so sad! I knew he'd be coming back, but I missed him a lot... just the fact he wasn't there at home upset me. But since day one, I've been very sensitive and imaginative. Envisioning one's needs to be special and unique and deserving of affection... um... yeah, guilty as charged. This was especially the case when it came to ideas and values, or stuff I liked a lot.

    I'm just thankful that I've got parents that have been supportive, and have encouraged me to think through my feelings, especially when things got tough. I wish that other type 4s that went through hardships in their family could have had this experience.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    Johari/Nohari

    “Thoughts are the shadows of our feelings -- always darker, emptier and simpler.”
    ― Friedrich Nietzsche




  7. #7
    Senior Member Ratsimoan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    MBTI
    enfp
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Posts
    289

    Default

    Well, I have to say all my issues stem from my family. So I fit the four description !
    [SIGPIC] [/SIGPIC]

    Death must be so beautiful. To lie in the soft brown earth, with the grasses waving above one's head, and listen to silence. To have no yesterday, and no to-morrow. To forget time, to forgive life, to be at peace."
    — Sylvia Plath (The Bell Jar)

    "Remember, remember, this is now, and now, and now. Live it, feel it, cling to it. I want to become acutely aware of all I’ve taken for granted."
    — Sylvia Plath

  8. #8
    Ginkgo
    Guest

    Default

    When I was younger, I felt an almost traumatic level of anxiety when my parents were gone. Being disconnected from them sent a rash of tragic thoughts through my mind, and I often latched on to other outlets like TV, books, and video games to fulfill a sense of connection. I also frequently worried about experiencing a holocaust and being the sole survivor. My worst fear was losing touch with humanity, because without that feedback, I had no sense of identity or purpose.

    Later on, that fear shifted from an image of literal abandonment to an image of miscommunication. In my early to late teens, I was naive and "innocent". I had been raised in a fairly sheltered and conservative environment, and defending those conservative ideas was a matter of self-preservation and discipline. However, as time drew on, I found myself questioning old ideas, stuck in the purgatory between one culture and another. The fact that I strove to be unique put me at odds with friends and family, which led to me being very unsure of myself.

    To be frank, my mother often lived vicariously through me. While she saw me as sort of an attachment, my dad didn't want my future to impose on his financial well-being. Their vision for me was narrowed down to a sliver with little breathing room, and I withdrew once again into the same pastimes I had during early childhood. The dream of who I wanted to be was shot down and eventually engulfed by my own addictions.

    I'm in college now, still living at home, but unsure of who I am and what to do with my life.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Adasta's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Posts
    394

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Mystic Tater View Post
    When I was younger, I felt an almost traumatic level of anxiety when my parents were gone. Being disconnected from them sent a rash of tragic thoughts through my mind, and I often latched on to other outlets like TV, books, and video games to fulfill a sense of connection. I also frequently worried about experiencing a holocaust and being the sole survivor. My worst fear was losing touch with humanity, because without that feedback, I had no sense of identity or purpose.
    I can really relate to this.
    That girls are raped, that two boys knife a third,
    Were axioms to him, who'd never heard
    Of any world where promises were kept,
    Or one could weep because another wept.

  10. #10
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    MBTI
    eNFJ
    Enneagram
    4w3 sx/so
    Socionics
    eNFJ Ni
    Posts
    11,443

    Default

    I'm a four and grew up in a rocky household. I think my "abandonment" issues were more than regular children because there were very real and scary things going on. I'm also an identical twin, and my type 7 ENFP sister was key for me not ever feeling truly alone or misunderstood. My father is also a four.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

Similar Threads

  1. MBTI Type Dynamics and Relationships
    By highlander in forum Typology Videos and RSS Feeds
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 06-27-2014, 12:19 AM
  2. On art appreciation: How different personality types behave and interact with art?
    By curiousel in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 34
    Last Post: 11-09-2011, 05:30 AM
  3. [E4] Type 4s and skepticism
    By CuriousFeeling in forum Enneatypes
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 10-22-2010, 04:34 AM
  4. Type Nines and "merging" with loved ones...
    By BlackCat in forum Enneagram
    Replies: 22
    Last Post: 05-09-2010, 04:49 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO