well, as par for the course with the enneagram, i am a bit confused.
if you just came up to me and asked me my instinctual stacking, i would definitely say sx/so/sp. sp last is no question. as for sx, my relationships are mostly close one-on-ones. i'm somewhat anxious in large groups, but i'm at my happiest when in a small group within a large group (ie, couple at a party, etc.). i'm a generally congenial but sometimes very intense person (irritated enfps have been called "fireballs"... that would be accurate for me).
but then i found this thanks to the state i am in's post -
but i find it to be inaccurate. of course i'm worthy of love. everyone is. i don't believe anyone is going to find 100% of me perfect, but i think that they can compromise, just like i can, and we can love each other 100%. i don't really care to be seen as alpha female, either. i want someone to love me for me regardless of the pack. i get a little jealous sometimes, but if anything, i trust too much.Sexual/Social Three
The focus of this subtype is less on material gain. The basic fear for this type is loss of intimate love. The sex/soc subtype, like the sex/self-pres, lacks trust in their intimates. Because they feel unworthy of true love, they don’t believe that anyone can love them solely for themselves. Therefore, they continuously strive to hold onto their intimates’ admiration, deluding themselves that if they are admired, they may become worthy of love. They do this through vigorous maintenance of their appearance, achievements, etc. Ageing is often especially difficult for this subtype.
This insecurity leads to an incessant need for reassurance from intimates, in the form of words of affirmation or time spent together (to the exclusion of others). This insatiable need often leads to intense jealousy, which only serves to distance others from them, thus erroneously affirming the Three's basic fear that they are unworthy of true love. While they share a lot with the sex/self-pres Three, the secondary social instinct adds an element of competition when it comes to questions of desirability. This subtype likes to be seen as the alpha male or alpha female.
When the sex/soc is healthier, they realize this competition is self-defeating. They can take comfort in the thought that another person’s success and attention do not take away their worth in any way.
this is much more accurate:
it's confusing though, because i don't seek merging to keep up social status, like so/sx descriptions say. i don't need partners to give me status. i want to get that for myself. plus the strikethrough'd stuff. i just want money because i like expensive stuffSocial/Sexual Three
This stacking will cause most of the social variant issues described for the social/self-pres to manifest. The primary differences will be in the arena of interpersonal relationships. Because this is still a social subtype, this Three will strive for the accumulation of wealth in cultures where there is social validation for wealth.
The motivation for attainment of material wealth will be derived less out of need for stability and more purely from the desire for social admiration.As with all self-preservation last types, this Three will find it difficult to expend sufficient energy in practical matters, except where there is social pressure to do so. Therefore, just as with the social/self-pres Three; this Three will have an desirable home; but most likely it will fall into disarray when visitors are not expected. With the social/self-pres stacking, there is more internal motivation (stemming from the self- preservation instinct in the secondary position) to maintain order and stability for themselves. With this soc/sexual subtype the motivation to keep up appearances is more purely external.
This type can still be materially successful, but they will not be as directly focused on this goal as the social/self-pres Three. There will be many occasions where the lure of enjoyment (even excess) will take precedence over the need to stay on the "straight and narrow." Focus on interpersonal relationships, as well as longing for intensity of experience is far more pronounced in this type of Three than in the social/self-pres. Having the social instinct backed by the sexual instinct creates the most playful energy combination, making this Three seem somewhat like a Seven. While social validation is still the primary focus, sexual validation as well as intimacy are also sought, and it is more likely for this subtype to choose “impractically” in the area of relationships (though they may keep their more “socially unacceptable” friends hidden from public scrutiny.)
When these Threes are healthy, their interpersonal skills become a useful tool for grounding themselves and for finding what they really want from life and for finding who they really are. They learn to maintain a more consistent identity, bringing all of who they really are to the forefront, which means recognizing the real self first.
i want a partner to be... well, my partner. my equal. someone i trust and who trusts me. someone i can take care of and who takes care of me. i want a synergistic, symbiotic relationship.
unless, of course, i'm actually a 7, and that's the root of all this turmoil.
anyway. thank you for any help!