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  1. #1

    Default Enneagram 9s: Saunter up!

    In case anyone is curious this isn't a copy of that other thread. I will admit to being inspired by it.

    What parts of the below descriptions (for your specific instinct stack, or more if you're confused/so desire) do you relate to, and what parts aren't you? (it is only a coincidence that this is the exact same text from the other thread)


    Self-pres/Social

    This subtype is the most self-effacing of type Nine, possibly the least assertive of all the enneagram types. They can feel as though they have been looked over and passed by. While they do desire attention and recognition, with the sexual instinct last in the stacking, they seldom actively pursue it. They feel as though it’s just not worth it. This subtype is usually very deliberate and methodical in their speech. They sometimes get frustrated because they don’t feel that they can say what they really want to say. They are therefore often very short and concise with their communication, not wanting to provoke any confrontation. But when given a chance and the time to express themselves, they can be quite talkative. While self-pres needs are important to this type, the fact that they are essentially Nines, sometimes causes them to put the needs of others before their own. When under stress, this type is likely to do busy work, anything that distracts them from their problems.

    In relationships, the self-pres instinct combines with the merging qualities of the Nine to make a person committed and connected strongly in areas of security, home and other practical matters. They merge their environment with their loved ones. On the down side, this subtype can be passive-aggressive and withdraw under stress, holding back affection. They could possibly go long periods of time without talking to their spouse directly.


    Self-pres/Sexual

    This subtype is self-effacing also, but is generally more assertive. They may be the subtype of Nine which is most aware of the boundaries between themselves and others and at the same time, possibly the most frustrated when those boundaries are violated. They can be aware of being walked over and they might even be aware of the anger it causes, but they become frustrated with their seeming inability to control this pattern. This is true, to some degree, of all Nines, but with the self-pres/sexual instinctual stacking, there seems to be a complex and interesting balance between the withdrawing energy caused by the dominant self-pres instinct and the assertive energy of the sexual instinct. This combination seems to raise consciousness of this dynamic.

    Getting healthy for this subtype, and for all Nines, involves becoming aware of this dynamic and realizing they do have the power to control their boundaries. Part of this must come from the realization on the part of the Nine that they have invited this overstepping of their boundaries from others by not defining them.
    Close relationships will usually work or not for this subtype depending on how well they deal with this issue.


    Social/Self-pres

    Social Nines feel the need for validation and for "fitting in" but they feel these indirectly. They move towards others in a way which can resemble Twos, but they are motivated by a desire to initiate and maintain contact without provoking conflict. On the high side, the social/self-pres Nine generally knows a lot of people and gets along with most everyone. They are helpful people who generally have a great sense of humor. They get involved with the social environment. They might be the soccer coach, or if politically inclined, they might join and participate in a political party. When in leadership roles, they lead by consensus and charm. Their skill is in conflict management. With the sexual instinct last, they tend to avoid intensity, but they are actively involved with people.

    Intimate relationships might be frustrating for the partner of this subtype of Nine because the Nine's social engagements might make the partner feel as though the Nine is connected with everyone except them. Sometimes this subtype can use their social connections in a passive-aggressive way against the partner; they might withhold attention from the partner in lieu of spending time with friends.


    Social/Sexual

    This subtype is "everyone’s friend." The social/sexual energy combines with the Nine's merging tendency and conflict avoidance to create a subtype that is very charming and uses humor quite extensively to engage with the people in their lives. On the down side, they can be frustrating because they can easily lose focus when it comes to their life priorities. With the self-pres instinct last in the stacking, they have a hard time tending to their own needs. They drift, and tend to use their charm to get a lot of their self-pres needs met by the people in their lives. When the Eight wing is dominant, they sometimes even develop a sense of entitlement, though they are just as likely to return help to those they charm into helping them.

    In relationships, this subtype can suffer from some of the same problems as the other social subtype. They usually fall into a relationship in which the partner pushes them to "do more" with their lives. This can be positive for both parties, but often ends up causing resentment to build for both partners.




    Sexual/Self-pres


    The energy of the sexual instinct is at odds with the dominant type Nine energy and makes for a conflicted subtype. These Nines can appear to have a stronger connection to Three, for this reason. The assertive fiery energy engages in a constant push-pull with the calm peace-seeking energy of the Nine. This subtype can have an intense relationship with their environment. They are often drawn to solo sports or to an active engagement with nature that involves some risk and exertion. These Nines are drawn to peak experiences. They might enjoy outdoor solo sports or engaging in nature by way of hiking, rock climbing etc.

    With the social instinct last in the stacking, there can be an on/off quality when it comes to relating and these Nines are often somewhat moodier than the other subtypes. As with the self-pres/sexual, this subtype might not engage socially with the same smoothness as other subtypes of Nine. They seem to go towards others in a staccato fashion - they connect in bursts, then withdraw.

    When it comes to intimate relationships, this subtype can be needy. The merging of the Nine combines with the intensity of the sexual instinct to create a subtype that will always be in danger of losing themselves in a relationship. Their boundaries for themselves and their partner can become blurred which can lead to conflicts. This subtype might have a hard time judging clearly the degree to which they have merged.



    Sexual/Social


    This subtype of Nine may appear least like a stereotypical Nine because the outward sexual and social energies obscure some of the withdrawing and "zoning out" tendencies of the Nine. These Nines are the most connected and assertive of the subtypes of Nine, especially when it comes to relationships. There is still some internal struggle, as with the sexual/self-pres, but overall there is less of a tendency to withdraw. With the self-pres instinct last, this subtype can neglect self-preservational needs in favor of the intensity of their sexual instinct's pursuits. Individuals of this subtype could easily be mistaken for the dominant wing, because the sexual energy tends to flow in a manner similar to the energy of the wing. A Nine with a One wing would therefore appear more One-like and a Nine with Eight might be mistaken for an Eight.

    The central conflict for these Nines will still be in the realm of close intimate relationships and these Nines will have many of the same issues and challenges as the sexual/self-pres Nines.

    Cut & Paste from here.

    Inspired by here

  2. #2
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    Is there a quiz I can take for instinct variants (or however you are supposed to refer to it)?
    Your kisses, sweeter than honey. But guess what, so is my money.

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by gromit View Post
    Is there a quiz I can take for instinct variants (or however you are supposed to refer to it)?
    There is the second test here.
    The variant test here also.

    I think it is better just to read through and see which clicks myself.

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    Yeah when I took the normal test I think 9 was like my 5th place one, but when I read the profile it just really made sense to me.

    I will take it and then also read through what you posted and see if any of those seem to 'fit'.
    Your kisses, sweeter than honey. But guess what, so is my money.

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    HAHAHA...

    Sexual |||||||||||||||||| 58%
    Social |||||||||||||||||| 58%
    Self Preservation |||||||||||||||||| 58%

    My guess though would be sx/sp or sp/sx based on reading the little description with the quiz results. And actually the sx/sp one is the one I probably related to most of the descriptions you posted.

    The energy of the sexual instinct is at odds with the dominant type Nine energy and makes for a conflicted subtype. These Nines can appear to have a stronger connection to Three, for this reason. The assertive fiery energy engages in a constant push-pull with the calm peace-seeking energy of the Nine. This subtype can have an intense relationship with their environment. They are often drawn to solo sports or to an active engagement with nature that involves some risk and exertion. These Nines are drawn to peak experiences. They might enjoy outdoor solo sports or engaging in nature by way of hiking, rock climbing etc.

    With the social instinct last in the stacking, there can be an on/off quality when it comes to relating and these Nines are often somewhat moodier than the other subtypes. As with the self-pres/sexual, this subtype might not engage socially with the same smoothness as other subtypes of Nine. They seem to go towards others in a staccato fashion - they connect in bursts, then withdraw.

    When it comes to intimate relationships, this subtype can be needy. The merging of the Nine combines with the intensity of the sexual instinct to create a subtype that will always be in danger of losing themselves in a relationship. Their boundaries for themselves and their partner can become blurred which can lead to conflicts. This subtype might have a hard time judging clearly the degree to which they have merged.
    The last paragraph probably applies to me in a lot of intimate relationships, not just romantic, I mean. I read the type three description and definitely the basic fears and desires of thatfit me a little as well too. Boundaries are something huge I am working on, so yes, I think this one makes sense to me...

    There. I think I am a 9 (maybe w8?) sx/sp...
    Your kisses, sweeter than honey. But guess what, so is my money.

  6. #6
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    Social/Self-pres

    Social Nines feel the need for validation and for "fitting in" but they feel these indirectly.
    Mostly Agree. I can gauge the tenor of a group but don't always know exactly where the vibe comes from and don't always feel a need to conform to it.

    ---

    They move towards others in a way which can resemble Twos, but they are motivated by a desire to initiate and maintain contact without provoking conflict.
    Mostly Agree. I can come across as a helper. BUT, I am worried less about provoking conflict as I get older.

    ---

    On the high side, the social/self-pres Nine generally knows a lot of people and gets along with most everyone.
    Agreed. There are very few people who stymie me or who I can't find something to relate to. And, I introduce myself, get to know folks on at least an acquaintance level to be polite.

    ---

    They are helpful people who generally have a great sense of humor.
    Agreed; I like to help and can even be funny. Silly/funny, but funny nevertheless. Some people even think I am really funny, but they are humor-challenged.

    ---

    They get involved with the social environment. They might be the soccer coach, or if politically inclined, they might join and participate in a political party.
    Agreed. (I have been a soccer coach too btw.)

    ---

    When in leadership roles, they lead by consensus and charm. Their skill is in conflict management.
    Ya, agree. Charm is the way! I could not lead successfully with a hammer even if you put in my hand. But I have been "da boss" many times now. I am not averse to taking on the role.

    ---

    With the sexual instinct last, they tend to avoid intensity, but they are actively involved with people.
    I guess so but I avoid intensity more because to me it feels one-sided, like someone wants something from me and won't be reciprocal.

    ---

    Intimate relationships might be frustrating for the partner of this subtype of Nine because the Nine's social engagements might make the partner feel as though the Nine is connected with everyone except them.
    Totally disagree, at least for me personally. My hubs is a high priority; I don't believe he has ever received this vibe from me. I am not "out" that much, and even if I'm in a show or involved in a project I always work to make sure he knows he's number 1. Plus I am an introvert, and he's an extrovert, so somehow we balance each other out.

    ---

    Sometimes this subtype can use their social connections in a passive-aggressive way against the partner; they might withhold attention from the partner in lieu of spending time with friends.
    No. I am as passive/aggressive as a fly.
    "Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one."
    Eleanor Roosevelt


    "When people see some things as beautiful,
    other things become ugly.
    When people see some things as good,
    other things become bad."
    Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

  7. #7
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    I mostly agree with these two, except where noted.

    Strongly Agree
    Disagree


    Sexual/Self-pres

    The energy of the sexual instinct is at odds with the dominant type Nine energy and makes for a conflicted subtype. These Nines can appear to have a stronger connection to Three, for this reason. The assertive fiery energy engages in a constant push-pull with the calm peace-seeking energy of the Nine. This subtype can have an intense relationship with their environment. They are often drawn to solo sports or to an active engagement with nature that involves some risk and exertion. These Nines are drawn to peak experiences. They might enjoy outdoor solo sports or engaging in nature by way of hiking, rock climbing etc.

    With the social instinct last in the stacking, there can be an on/off quality when it comes to relating and these Nines are often somewhat moodier than the other subtypes. As with the self-pres/sexual, this subtype might not engage socially with the same smoothness as other subtypes of Nine. They seem to go towards others in a staccato fashion - they connect in bursts, then withdraw.

    When it comes to intimate relationships, this subtype can be needy. The merging of the Nine combines with the intensity of the sexual instinct to create a subtype that will always be in danger of losing themselves in a relationship. Their boundaries for themselves and their partner can become blurred which can lead to conflicts. This subtype might have a hard time judging clearly the degree to which they have merged.


    Self-pres/Sexual

    This subtype is self-effacing also, but is generally more assertive. They may be the subtype of Nine which is most aware of the boundaries between themselves and others and at the same time, possibly the most frustrated when those boundaries are violated. They can be aware of being walked over and they might even be aware of the anger it causes, but they become frustrated with their seeming inability to control this pattern. This is true, to some degree, of all Nines, but with the self-pres/sexual instinctual stacking, there seems to be a complex and interesting balance between the withdrawing energy caused by the dominant self-pres instinct and the assertive energy of the sexual instinct. This combination seems to raise consciousness of this dynamic.

    Getting healthy for this subtype, and for all Nines, involves becoming aware of this dynamic and realizing they do have the power to control their boundaries. Part of this must come from the realization on the part of the Nine that they have invited this overstepping of their boundaries from others by not defining them.
    Close relationships will usually work or not for this subtype depending on how well they deal with this issue.

  8. #8
    Post-Humorously stalemate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wolfy View Post
    Social/Sexual

    This subtype is "everyone’s friend." The social/sexual energy combines with the Nine's merging tendency and conflict avoidance to create a subtype that is very charming and uses humor quite extensively to engage with the people in their lives. On the down side, they can be frustrating because they can easily lose focus when it comes to their life priorities. With the self-pres instinct last in the stacking, they have a hard time tending to their own needs. They drift, and tend to use their charm to get a lot of their self-pres needs met by the people in their lives. When the Eight wing is dominant, they sometimes even develop a sense of entitlement, though they are just as likely to return help to those they charm into helping them.

    In relationships, this subtype can suffer from some of the same problems as the other social subtype. They usually fall into a relationship in which the partner pushes them to "do more" with their lives. This can be positive for both parties, but often ends up causing resentment to build for both partners.
    The first paragraph is pretty much right on for me.

    The second paragraph, not at all, but I haven't been in very many relationships and I have been in the same one for 13 years now, so it might just be that I just never experienced that particular thing.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by gromit View Post
    Yeah when I took the normal test I think 9 was like my 5th place one, but when I read the profile it just really made sense to me.
    I have tested all over the place. 1, 7, 3, not sure what else. Only one time did I tie between 9 and 1, but when reading 9w8, it is clearly me.

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