it is difficult to stay open and engaged and allow our vulnerabilities to show through, especially to let go of the desire to completely control our own self-image. but those e5s who have at least got a glimpse of the light know how much happier they are when they strive for openness and benevolence. and fairness, equality, and generosity, which make up a large part of how to get there.
to me this is an sx quality, and as such is relevant for sx folk across all types. complete connection. yet i am sure that this connection is interpreted differently. for e5 it might be at the level of the will.I smiled, though, when you mentioned a merging-of-the-souls…because of all the funny ‘harlequin romance images’ it produced in my mind. In truth, I am not quite sure what it means or what a ‘soul merging’ would look like so I don’t know if I am, or would be, fearful of such a bond or not. But I definitely do not want to become one with another person because I want to be able to enjoy that person as a separate individual (if that makes sense).
this makes me think of the book the prophet by kahlil gibran when he talks about being like two pillars. and that the foundation must stand apart in order to be strong. if i had to give myself a rating 1-10 regarding how successfully i've learned this lesson, i'd give myself a 3. my s.o. takes this as a fundamental assumption (she has Fi), whereas for me being on the same page is really important (read: overblown in its importance). the desire for complete connection creates unnecessary pressures. i've been reading psychological theories and one of the theorists (an intp?) created rational emotive behaviorial therapy. he lists 12 stupid cognitive errors people make. one was wanting someone else to love you for every good and every bad thing you do. rather than building your own self-respect. this idea applies here. and shamefacedly i still make this mistake way too often.I have more flaws then I could address in a lifetime BUT one trait that I am honestly proud of is an ability to accept people and adapt to differing ways (within limits of course as I won’t tolerate abuse, criminal activity, that sort of thing). When reading through this thread again I guess it became definite in my mind that being able to accept others is a function of having a sense of separateness. Someone’s good or bad behavior does not reflect upon me. Aside from my child, I never experience an overwhelming sense that I am responsible for someone else’s state of mind or being unless I engaged them directly. And, perhaps due to all of this, I can comfortably say ‘no’.
there are distinct advantages to both. my weakness is knowing what feels right/true for me. and how to assert my own will over or against others, to rationally decide what is best and allowing myself to fluidly assert what i want as important regardless of whether i have more foundation than someone else in my own desires. p types learn self-responsibility in a totally different way than j types. improving the dialogue between them regarding self-responsibility is really important for helping improve self-actualization for everyone.You see, I can understand these words…but cannot wrap my brain around what this experience would feel like. I believe state may have touched on this earlier – the difference between Fi & Fe maybe. Again, not knowing enough about it I should hardly speak of it at all. But for me, my ‘will’ is always readily available to me. In this way it is probably ‘safer’ for me interact with people and/or adapt to situations because I know I can access that ‘will’ immediately if I need to and thus am less likely to unwittingly be pulled in a direction I do not want to go. I know exactly what I feel from moment to moment and will act accordingly. This often means feeling okay to change my mind when new feelings or information presents itself. It also, on occasion, means changing my mind back. I can easily let go of an attachment to consistency if I make a determination that being inconsistent at that point in time will keep me within ‘what feels right’.
With all of that said though – please know that I am in no way saying ‘my way is better’ as I do not even remotely believe that to be the case. When I think of Western society – I think that while asserting one’s will is considered desirable…doing so based on feelings as opposed to rational thought would definitely be frowned upon. Whatever.
it calls for consideration of the other and reasonable demonstrations of self-sacrifice going in both directions. finding ways to show that you privilege this connection, and being on the same page as far as knowing how and why each party values it the way they do. so much of relationships is negotiating what it means to both sides, and why that creates balanced trust. if you don't have desire to help each other meet your own individual needs, then it's not really a long-term strategy in the first place.All and all, I get the sense that you know far better than me what a soul-merging would actually be like. Again, I am unable to imagine how an e5 experiences boundaries and the sense of being an individual being. I am unable to understand the ‘need’ to make finalized decisions…as all my mind can see is how everything is always in motion…always changing. I do see however, how these two qualities together could certainly cause an individual to ‘freeze’ and ‘stutter’. And I can see how someone like me could end-up being an e5s ‘worst nightmare’.
no reason to be sad. it just requires more work than it seems like initially to make this pairing work. enfp-infj obviously boasts a mutual inspiration that is obvious and extremely beneficial and highly valued. but there's totally different rationales working underneath the surface that require major commitment to work through/learn from both sides of the equation. it takes much consideration to move beyond your feelings and allow those to be incorporated into a greater awareness of the needs of another. we also seem to often take everything personally according to our own worst fears rather than the truth of the other.That makes me sad though because the people commenting on this thread (state, z buck, etc. & you casadeco) all have ‘voices’ that really resonate with me…and have for some time now. Long before any of you knew that crazy starryknights even existed. It feels like a real bummer to think that I would probably overwhelm you irl…like I can only assume I do to my irl e5. What a shame!!
This calls for the sad banana
the other hurdle is, again, a major source of the attraction. as an e5 type, i find e7 intoxicating. and for the very reasons i find it intoxicating, i find it threatening. that that optimism and re-framing and avoidance of negativity could easily work against us (as e5s). yet, at the same time, our attention to those facets of life make us well-equipped to deal with your worst fears skillfully, compassionately, and with more gentleness than you would expect from us if you solely judged us by our exterior. bc for us, unlike most e7s, we do not focus as much on moving forward and over-forgetting negativity, we instead dwell on it and over-learn it, which equips us with the skills to live with it and not compile as much debt regarding our unprocessed fears and potential threats. but sometimes, we take on way too much, and the light-dark battle takes too much out of us, and we just need a healthy dose of optimism. feeling connecting to life and specifically the life we have been given, our own life, to experience, which paves the way for us to recognize and appreciate where we have come from and where we are going. it allows us to feel gratitude instead of greed (for more, more, more!), as if that will provide the sense of security we can at times lack.