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  1. #11
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    Not safe with kids? O_o I can't really identify with that.

  2. #12
    Senior Member Gerbah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KDude View Post
    Not safe with kids? O_o I can't really identify with that.
    No, no, not like that. The baby is safe. She's not a bad “unsafe” person. She has most normal kinds of contact with the baby and I am ok with that. It is more about how she makes me, as the mother, feel.

    Quote Originally Posted by KDude View Post
    Is she 9w8? I'm a 9w8, I think. If you're the one you think she's getting upset with, then talk it out asap. Ask where you went wrong.

    I'll just say that in the 9w8's mind, they are partly doing people a favor by being easygoing most of the time. Every so often though, there's someone who sees it as weakness. Or keeps stepping on their toes in some way that keeps embarassing the 9. The 9w8 will not suffer that kind of obliviousness for too long. They'll play along, but there is a sort of "3 strikes and you're out" attitude if it happens. Tolerant, but still making a checklist. On the brightside, they'll do anything to give a person a chance to get out of that position too..
    It was actually her who upset me but we did talk about certain problems and she did apologise. She is now more careful with me and things are superficial and distant but friendly enough. So things are more or less ok, I was just wondering if because she doesn't have 100% freedom with the baby to do whatever she wants if she might try to get around that or do other things in reaction. It's a question of straightforwardness, which is what I prefer, not that she would harm the baby or anything like that. It worries me because of her general difficult life circumstances if her feelings really escalate, as she is very emotional and intense, especially about babies in general.

    I am careful anyway, so there is no problem. I was just wondering how a Nine gets angry when things really don't go their way and they are already in a rather fragile condition. Or is that generalising too much.
    the shoheen ho of the wind of the west and the lulla lo of the soft sea billow - Alfred Graves

  3. #13
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    I don't know how healthy I am, but I think I'm a 9. I have always liked kids, but never obsessed over any but my own. With four of my own kids, I really can't be bothered with other people's children. And I'm lazy by nature, so going out of my way to look after people has really never been my thing.

    I wouldn't let someone around my baby that made me uncomfortable. Why does she have privileged access? Is she family?

    I don't tend to take things out on people who didn't do whatever it is that's bothering me. When I'm cranky, I even warn the kids that I'm cranky about something unrelated to them and ask them for a little space so I won't take it out on them.

    I can be passive/aggressive, but it's in more of a stubborn, uncooperative way and I'm not very good at sneaky. I can explode, but it's verbal, not physical and it would be on the wrong-doer, not an innocent baby. However, if the baby was around when I exploded at the wrongdoer, the baby might find the noise/emotion disturbing.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  4. #14
    Senior Member Gerbah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    I don't know how healthy I am, but I think I'm a 9. I have always liked kids, but never obsessed over any but my own. With four of my own kids, I really can't be bothered with other people's children. And I'm lazy by nature, so going out of my way to look after people has really never been my thing.

    I wouldn't let someone around my baby that made me uncomfortable. Why does she have privileged access? Is she family?
    Yes, she's extended family.

    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    I don't tend to take things out on people who didn't do whatever it is that's bothering me. When I'm cranky, I even warn the kids that I'm cranky about something unrelated to them and ask them for a little space so I won't take it out on them.

    I can be passive/aggressive, but it's in more of a stubborn, uncooperative way and I'm not very good at sneaky. I can explode, but it's verbal, not physical and it would be on the wrong-doer, not an innocent baby. However, if the baby was around when I exploded at the wrongdoer, the baby might find the noise/emotion disturbing.
    I really didn't mean I think she might hurt the baby physically or in any way at all. She adores babies, all babies, and was a very loving and generally good mother herself. All her children are successful adults in their own way.

    When I said I was afraid, I meant more in relation to emotional issues and relationship difficulties between the adults involved, not the baby. I don't know her that well and the emotional intensity over babies is kind of alarming to me. Others in the family are used to her. Since she is in general depressed and babies cheer her up, I was wondering if I should be concerned about any anger that things with the baby haven't turned out as she imagined it would or the way she did it when she had children.

    Maybe I'm just worrying too much about possible scenarios. In any case, I can only take things as they come.
    the shoheen ho of the wind of the west and the lulla lo of the soft sea billow - Alfred Graves

  5. #15
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gerbah View Post
    I was wondering if there is a typical way Nines behave when they are feeling aggressive?

    What might the long-term consequences be of a Nine who is frustrated and possibly building up resentment? I know that they are supposed to be easy-going and like to care for and please others, but what about when they have repressed themselves for a really long time and/or significant people in their lives have taken advantage of them for a long time and not treated them as they deserve? So that they are really out of balance and depressed?

    I ask because there is one Nine I know in a situation like the above. I am rather careful with her and keep a distance and we generally don't want to bother each other and are amicable when we do interact. Deep down though I am actually kind of afraid of her... It's partly a gut feeling. I just somehow have a feeling that things aren't as “nice” as all that and it makes me very uncomfortable.

    Is this making any sense? When a Nine is aggressive and unhappy is it direct, will it explode, is it more passive aggressive and sneaky, etc.? Are there typically certain things to be careful about?

    I know every person is individual and in a unique situation, I just would like a general idea of what one might maybe watch out for when dealing with a Nine who is unhappy and feeling victimised.
    Well when I get mad like this, my usual reaction is to just ignore the problem and hope that the source of my unhappiness goes away (which it does a lot of the time, the way 9 profiles are written makes it sound like this is just a bad excuse for ignoring problems).

    If that doesn't work, I'll start being passive aggressive to make the problem go away.

    If that still doesn't work, then I will emotionally detach myself from the situation or person. By then it's usually too late. 9's emotionally detach themselves from lost causes or things that disturb their inner peace too much. Passive aggression turns into open aggression; when the 9 gives up the 8 takes over. When I emotionally detach, I just stop caring all together almost. I stop caring about everything except for what will disturb my peace. 9's are already apathetic, but take that to another level.

    Quote Originally Posted by KDude View Post
    Is she 9w8? I'm a 9w8, I think. If you're the one you think she's getting upset with, then talk it out asap. Ask where you went wrong.

    I'll just say that in the 9w8's mind, they are partly doing people a favor by being easygoing most of the time. Every so often though, there's someone who sees it as weakness. Or keeps stepping on their toes in some way that keeps embarassing the 9. The 9w8 will not suffer that kind of obliviousness for too long. They'll play along, but there is a sort of "3 strikes and you're out" attitude if it happens. Tolerant, but still making a checklist. On the brightside, they'll do anything to give a person a chance to get out of that position too..
    This, totally. I'm always open to people going back to the "safe zone" in my mind.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  6. #16
    Senior Member Gerbah's Avatar
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    Ok, I see. Makes sense from what I've seen of her already. Sadly, her biggest problems aren't going away any time soon... The bit about detachment explains a lot. Thanks everyone.
    the shoheen ho of the wind of the west and the lulla lo of the soft sea billow - Alfred Graves

  7. #17
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    If your intuition has you on alert, listen to it. Don't freak out, but be watchful and cautious. Maybe it'll be unnecessary, but better safe than sorry. She sounds kind of creepy to me, actually.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  8. #18
    Senior Member Gerbah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    If your intuition has you on alert, listen to it. Don't freak out, but be watchful and cautious. Maybe it'll be unnecessary, but better safe than sorry. She sounds kind of creepy to me, actually.
    Yes, it can be hard not to feel freaked though. I should try to deal with it coolly but the situation is emotionally not an easy one... We did put the more concrete issues in the past by discussing them, but I can't bring up issues that are to do with her personality and her personal issues and how they make me feel, that would be too direct and hurtful, but at the same time she doesn't seem to grasp what is going on just intuitively. So there's not a lot I can do to change things...
    the shoheen ho of the wind of the west and the lulla lo of the soft sea billow - Alfred Graves

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