Seems like I act like a 4 when I am stressed/depressed. It may be the core of who I am.
But when I am confident and feel capable, I am more 1 or rather, I aspire to be 1 but the only way of becoming a 1 is by becoming a 5. Does that make sense?
1's Key Motivations: Want to be right, to strive higher and improve everything, to be consistent with their ideals, to justify themselves, to be beyond criticism so as not to be condemned by anyone.
4's Key Motivations: Want to express themselves and their individuality, to create and surround themselves with beauty, to maintain certain moods and feelings, to withdraw to protect their self-image, to take care of emotional needs before attending to anything else, to attract a "rescuer." - Oh good god, WHAT.
5's Key Motivations: Want to possess knowledge, to understand the environment, to have everything figured out as a way of defending the self from threats from the environment.
I see 4 as describing most of the negative traits in myself, not negative traits in general, just undesirable traits in myself only because I have certain aspirations. Because of those aspirations, I see 5 as what I Need to Be in order to become a 1. 1 is the type that gets those aspirations completed. And if I don't complete those aspirations, I am not worth anything, personal relationships won't mean anything, everything that I have done and gone through won't mean anything, nothing will make sense.
So what does that mean?
Neither of the disintegration types fit me at all. Integration-wise, I lean more toward 1 than 8.