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Thread: Calling all 4's

  1. #51
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    Question for fours:

    Can you explain to me the nature of this connection is and what you mean by intensity? This isn't because I don't know what a connection feels like, it's just that I'm wondering if the same things are being described with different language much like the blind men who touch an elephant and each declare it to be a different animal.

    I'm also curious to know your thoughts on chemistry with a person (the force that draws people together) vs. compatibility with a person (how well people fit together and compliment each other).
    Wow. Good questions. I had to think about this for a bit.

    I would say (I'm a 4w5) that the deep connection I long for is defined more in opposition to what I experience now. I am inherently aware of what I desire in relationships because I know what I find so unfulfilling in my present interactions. That deep connection I desire is not: fickle, superficial, difficult, over-complicated, selfish, empty, cruel, indifferent, critical, affected, dishonest, or disloyal (I could go on and on). I guess most people say they don't want these things but, for some reason, they don't seem to really mean it. Maybe the difference is my tolerance for these things is that much lower than for others. Maybe my heart is simply more unresponsive and is not as easily touched.

    I guess the essential requirement for me to feel a 'connection' is that it should be so easy. I find most interaction with others (even if they are perfectly nice people) to be rather laboured, contrived and hollow - like the equivalent of a forced smile. I want to feel an immediate and deep affinity for another, combined with a spark of enthusiasm and avidity brought forth in myself - something to actually make me sit up, bringing me to life and driving me forward, pursuing further interaction. What does this feel like? It feels like I am actually alive; that a part of me has been awakened because I can really feel joy and fervour for another human being (and not merely art or nature etc). I guess this is a combination of both chemistry and compatibility because I really think its impossible for me to experience one without the other. The chemistry comes from the commonality (in the broadest sense: commonality in heart and mind, not purely interests). And the reverse is true: no commonality, no spark.

  2. #52
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    There's more behind the high than the high itself. If I just wanted a high I'd take my bike down a long steep slope while blasting Ramnstein into my ears. Then again, I've given up on the dream for that connection. All I want now is a decent mind to communicate with, a heart I can trust won't destroy me, and a warm body I can cuddle up against.
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  3. #53
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    I think I'm a four (though I don't understand enneagram real well so I'm not sure) and I do lament the lack of depth in connection with all but a few others. I consider it my failing, though. I like people and I want to connect deeply, but another part of me finds the vulnerability necessary to make that connection possible very difficult to achieve.
    It is true that being completely emotionally naked with someone can be daunting and has to be considered properly before doing so as many people just...don't feel like going there. But it is something I do strive for..to find those few people that this is natural and safe with.


    As for 4's vs 9's, I had a talk with Wolfy on this. Though 9's apparently seek the same kind of intimate connection, they seem to prefer the peaceful, calm, stable ones, it would seem. Comparable to having a playful pillow fight following by some cuddling in the couch while watching a movie. That kinda intensity. I personally prefer mine still more amped up, almost primal, and will actually use the 'couch'-intensity () as a nice break from the highs, as they are exhausting to sustain but oh so fun.


    Quote Originally Posted by Southern Kross View Post
    Wow. Good questions. I had to think about this for a bit.

    I would say (I'm a 4w5) that the deep connection I long for is defined more in opposition to what I experience now. I am inherently aware of what I desire in relationships because I know what I find so unfulfilling in my present interactions. That deep connection I desire is not: fickle, superficial, difficult, over-complicated, selfish, empty, cruel, indifferent, critical, affected, dishonest, or disloyal (I could go on and on). I guess most people say they don't want these things but, for some reason, they don't seem to really mean it. Maybe the difference is my tolerance for these things is that much lower than for others. Maybe my heart is simply more unresponsive and is not as easily touched.

    I guess the essential requirement for me to feel a 'connection' is that it should be so easy. I find most interaction with others (even if they are perfectly nice people) to be rather laboured, contrived and hollow - like the equivalent of a forced smile. I want to feel an immediate and deep affinity for another, combined with a spark of enthusiasm and avidity brought forth in myself - something to actually make me sit up, bringing me to life and driving me forward, pursuing further interaction. What does this feel like? It feels like I am actually alive; that a part of me has been awakened because I can really feel joy and fervour for another human being (and not merely art or nature etc). I guess this is a combination of both chemistry and compatibility because I really think its impossible for me to experience one without the other. The chemistry comes from the commonality (in the broadest sense: commonality in heart and mind, not purely interests). And the reverse is true: no commonality, no spark.
    This.

    Quote Originally Posted by runvardh View Post
    There's more behind the high than the high itself. If I just wanted a high I'd take my bike down a long steep slope while blasting Ramnstein into my ears. Then again, I've given up on the dream for that connection. All I want now is a decent mind to communicate with, a heart I can trust won't destroy me, and a warm body I can cuddle up against.
    And this.
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  4. #54
    Senior Member Synapse's Avatar
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    I think I'm 4, its so hard for me to think sometimes these days, i force it. would i come across as anything other than a 4. i crave deep connections but when they happen i don't know how to continue when i'm going into my communication hazing period and so i do other things. i had this intense conversation going on for months, almost a year and the focus on my part was with the conversations. though its stopped now and i wonder if it was anything i said. my intuition says yeah. it was incredible actually, was such an emotionally intimate and intense experience, intellectually stimulated, spiritually satisfied. very satisfied by it, never experienced anything like it and then, that last year and ah well, the energy has changed now.

  5. #55
    Pumpernickel
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    I'm here.

    I'm not just a 4, I'm two 4s.

  6. #56
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    That's another thing...how do other 4's experience 8's? For some reason, I love em, despite their usual intolerance for drama and the no nonsense attitude
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  7. #57
    Senior Member Scott N Denver's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sky is BLUE! View Post
    *sigh* *waves faintly* 4w5 sp/so

    I don't find the lack of depth in connections annoying, it's just...sad.
    4w5 here

    I find the lack of the lack of depth in connections sad AND annoying

  8. #58
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    4 sx/sp.

    Yes, I find the lack of depth pretty disheartening. Which is why I rarely initiate connections.

  9. #59
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    I'm a 4w3...we seem to be more rare, why is that? Everyone keeps saying they're a 4w5...I think 4w3 are more "open" and 4w5 seem more reserved to me. That's just my observation. I know 4w3 are more likely to be drama queens too, .

    At any rate, I find lack of depth in connections disheartening mainly because people are taught to "pretend" a lot in society for polite reasons, and I think that keeps some people from experiencing more intimacy and depth of connections with others. It doesn't stop me from wanting to make connections, though.

  10. #60
    Twerking & Lurking ayoitsStepho's Avatar
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    I agree! Where the heck are the 4w3's?? I mean, come on! We're amazing!

    But, it's interesting to see that there seems to be more 4w5's than 4w3's. Kind of makes you wonder which 4 is getting the rep for being the over all 4. In my mind, the two are kind of different.

    4w5's:

    4w3's:

    But don't quote me, those are just the pictures I see in my head when referring to both types. I can't even be sure that it's a significant representation.
    Quote Originally Posted by MacGuffin View Post
    ayoitsStepho is becoming someone else. Actually her true self, a rite of passage.

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