The fact you're trying to move away from this attitude because it's doing negative things to your lifestyle is another reason why I'd strongly argue you are not type 8. Rather than instinctively adapting to your personality style, you're saying yourself here that something is WRONG with the way you're performing. These traits of wanting to protect and be controlling are manifesting poorly.As for being attracted to the macho points of the 8 you are absolutly wrong in my case. I feel like I am like this and I want to get away from them, as said before the anger/kind of arrogant and heartless outlook is harming me a lot but those traits that have becomes part of my personnality now were made to protect some deeper and more sensible traits that have been put at suffer earlier in my experience.
Source: The Enneagram Blogspot: Type 2: Love-SeekerThis is a common mistype for a disintegrated 2, especially males, often due to a desire to seem like a more "manly" or powerful personality type. However, there is nothing innately more masculine or powerful or more feminine or weak about any of the personality types, especially when healthy. There are only different inner motivations and different resulting patterns of behavior.
An 8 or 8-winger disintegrating can actually look quite different from a 2 disintegrating. The 2 needs to see his enemies writhing in pain and he feels entitled to it. He doesn't plan so much as to manipulate and cajole for awhile before letting his heart lead him to outbursts of anger when he just can't take it anymore. The 2 manipulates warmly or fiercely, while the 8 positions coolly and coldly. When the 8 explodes, it is his anger at the situation caused more than out of exasperation that he recieves no gratitude. Beneath the disintegrated 8's aggressiveness is a cold, heartless, thinker-killer. He will enact revenge without needing to watch the person suffer like the embittered 2 may desire.
I know you just stated that you're not trying to look more manly.. I believe you when you say that. So don't disregard the entire post just for the beginning sentence. It is a common symptom of young feeler men. Let's get straight to the meat of things.
While this description isn't attractive at all and a bit extreme, it is easy to see standard daily scenarios of the differences. While an 8 would walk into the DMV prepared to deal with a little bullshit, realize a lot of bullshit is getting thrown at them, and look for calculating ways to bring control back to the situation... the type 2-turned-8 would be angry, indignant, and seeking validation for that anger through his acts, disguising it as justified/helping others/themselves in any number of ways, and manifest that anger in a generally negative fashion. The 8 isn't angry at what was done to them, they are angry they lost control of the situation and cannot regain it despite preparation and effort. The 2 is angry that the DMV screwed them over in the first place, deflating their ego and invalidating their intentions as a result.
Like I said, a 2 can mistype as an 8 by displaying so many of the same traits to the point where it seems absolutely logical that an 8 would be the choice even for an INFP--but the real, deep down reasons behind why those traits are manifesting are what create the types in the first place.. and it is that motivation that sets them apart.
I've mentioned before on the forum I see tons of flaws with MBTI in general.. I like the ennetype system and prefer it, but it is also unreliable and as others have written about on here the wings seem very arbitrary and lacking focus on why a '2' is in the '2' slot at all versus being closer to the 8 with the ability to grab a wing there. So it isn't flawless.
But a good rule of thumb is to see the absolute negative things. Think of yourself at your worst.. the self-awareness you have about when you were just a terrible, asshole of a shitbag and probably didn't deserve anything nice from anyone ever in that moment--even if those moments were only thoughts in your own head and you're actually a good person. THEN read the negatives of the types, the description of the types at their absolute worst.. relate that to you. Could you see yourself slipping into that? Becoming that monster in the description? If not... I'd say the type isn't yours. And the thing about INFPs is.. they're great people. It's a great personality type. The negative type 8 description is just a monstrosity.. to me, it's the worst of the bunch in terms of potential damage done to the self and others. I just don't see INFPs being capable of slipping into that sort of monster. A different one, sure.. but not that one.
I'm not trying to convince you to not be type 8 or anything. You are what you are. I just want to cast some light on the real potential for alternatives. The types only help us understand if we actually know our true types. If we don't.. then we didn't get the system at all, and then it's useless as a tool of any sort.