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  1. #1
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    Default Advice for a Four?

    How can an Enneagram Four go from unhealthy to healthy? What exactly must a Four do?

    From self-pitying, envious, and lost in fantasy, to truly helpful, intuitive and creative, how can a Four begin this path and stay with it? I've been trying to figure out where to begin.


    Sincerely,
    An Unhealthy 4w3 Seeking Answers
    4w3 sx/sp? INFP, INFp

  2. #2
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    recognizing your ability to help others deal with the contradictions you struggle with while, at the same time, still unsure about how to resolve internally for yourself. your storehouse of Fi judgments gives you far more sophistication when dealing with these issues than other people, you can lead them astray or you can just be sensitive, healing, and understanding, and help reconcile and refocus some obvious emotional mistakes. plus you can figure out how to make others happy very easily, articulate what they cannot.

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    Thank you for replying, state.

    How does the "storehouse of Fi judgements" help with dealing with others' issues? I always thought that Fe was better at this.
    4w3 sx/sp? INFP, INFp

  4. #4
    Junior Member Meadow's Avatar
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    I just read this on the enneagram institute site: The 4s path of transformation has to do with "forgiveness."
    "From Four, we experience Forgiveness, which is most simply the ability to let go of the events of the past and to move on with one's life. We stop clinging to old hurts and resentments, thereby opening up space in our hearts to be affected by people and events freshly, without the dense filters of emotional reactions leftover from our childhood. Rather than holding the world responsible for our frustrations, we begin to understand the forces in ourselves that perpetuate them. When we do this, we experience our lives and our identities as they truly are—that is, as a process, a flow. "

    How to let go of the events from the past? I don't know. That's difficult for me at least.

  5. #5
    Black Magic Buzzard Kra's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mystical_Spaghetti View Post
    Thank you for replying, state.

    How does the "storehouse of Fi judgements" help with dealing with others' issues? I always thought that Fe was better at this.
    Once you learn how to empathize more, those "Fi judgments" are like ammo. It makes you very good at answering the question, "How would that make me feel."
    Function Activity:
    Ni > Te > Ti = Fi > Ne > Si = Fe > Se

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Meadow View Post
    I just read this on the enneagram institute site: The 4s path of transformation has to do with "forgiveness."
    "From Four, we experience Forgiveness, which is most simply the ability to let go of the events of the past and to move on with one's life. We stop clinging to old hurts and resentments, thereby opening up space in our hearts to be affected by people and events freshly, without the dense filters of emotional reactions leftover from our childhood. Rather than holding the world responsible for our frustrations, we begin to understand the forces in ourselves that perpetuate them. When we do this, we experience our lives and our identities as they truly are—that is, as a process, a flow. "

    How to let go of the events from the past? I don't know. That's difficult for me at least.

    People tend to emotionally recreate their past unless they release that old pain and do some serious self-examination into their own self-defeating behaviors. No matter what your parents or anyone else has done to you, ultimately as an adult it's more powerful to understand that you are free to live without that baggage. Forgiveness is as much (or more) for the forgiver than the forgiven. To hang on to old hurts and grudges hurts YOU far more than it does the people who inflicted the pain. Therefore, through self-love (valuing and empowering yourself as an adult to live life fully from this day foward) in turn you're able to love and forgive others more because you love and forgive yourself, and understand the true power in "letting go." It also helps to remind yourself that your parents or whomever else hurt you was just a human being, try putting yourself in their shoes and you might realize a little better why they did what they did, and that they aren't necessarily just "monsters" who did bad things to poor little you. I don't know if this is making any sense to you at all, but it's a process I've gone through in the past several years of my life, and it's very freeing to do this, it makes it much easier to get on with your life.

  7. #7
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mystical_Spaghetti View Post
    Thank you for replying, state.

    How does the "storehouse of Fi judgements" help with dealing with others' issues? I always thought that Fe was better at this.
    i don't know what i meant, but i think your Fi is just way more worked-out F than Fe. you have a way bigger network of F meaning. Fe sophistication is about knowing how to do something, how a gesture will be interpreted, what it will mean. Fe is about interpretation and action. Fi is better at experiencing what it would be like to be something else, it has more judgments to relate. the overall relating is just a way bigger creature. it has everything from the past, whereas Fe discards the past rather quickly.

    i'm good at seeing connections between things, having ideas worked out very detailed, and then allowing those associations to show me relationships. after which, if i imagine myself as an externality, i can kind of summon up a voice to relate to the ideas based on a situational dramatistic context. but i don't keep the context internally, instead i forget it immediately but still have residue and traces from it that are invisible and point me in certain directions.

    but 4s have to reconcile what it means to be an individual. to be different/unique/the same. they have the identity crisis, so they've practiced dealing with problems of identity and self-integration. wrapping everything up in a coherent way, whether they are an infj, an infp, an intj, or an intp (or an entp).

    each type has expertise, if it learns anything at all from its troubles.

  8. #8
    Courage is immortality Valiant's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mystical_Spaghetti View Post
    How can an Enneagram Four go from unhealthy to healthy? What exactly must a Four do?

    From self-pitying, envious, and lost in fantasy, to truly helpful, intuitive and creative, how can a Four begin this path and stay with it? I've been trying to figure out where to begin.


    Sincerely,
    An Unhealthy 4w3 Seeking Answers


    Seriously. There is no spoon.
    Decide what and who you want to become, and start the process of getting there.
    It's not as much "fake it until you make it" as thinking before you act.
    Always think before you act. Start doing good things, and watch the appreciative smiles on peoples faces.
    All people have bad impulses, good people are those who think a little and decide not to be hurtful.

    You are what you do. It's just that simple.

    Mightier than the tread of marching armies is the power of an idea whose time has come

  9. #9
    Feelin' FiNe speculative's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mystical_Spaghetti View Post
    How can an Enneagram Four go from unhealthy to healthy? What exactly must a Four do?
    The Four's direction of integration is toward One. You might read the description of a healthy type One to help you envision your destination; however, much has been written in detail on how to arrive there. If you sign up for the Enneagram Institute's Enneathought of the Day, they'll email you a small chunk of 4-based goodness to work on for that day. I find it helpful to focus on a small chunk instead of trying to hold several chapters of type, health level, and direction of integration descriptions in my mind while trying to conceptualize the world in relation to myself.

    Also, do not overlook the spiritual aspect of the Enneagram, something that gives it a leg-up on the MBTI imho. For example:


    The Stages of the Work

    If we were to really observe ourselves,
    we would become aware of our habits.

    If we were to become aware of our habits,
    we would let go and relax.

    If we were to let go and relax,
    we would be aware of sensations.

    If we were to be aware of sensations,
    we would receive impressions.

    If we were to receive impressions,
    we would awaken to the moment.

    If we were to awaken to the moment,
    we would experience reality.

    If we were to experience reality,
    we would see that we are not our personality.

    If we were to see that we are not our personality,
    we would remember ourselves.

    If we were to remember ourselves,
    we would let go of our fear and attachments.

    If we were to let go of our fear and attachments,
    we would be touched by God.

    If we were touched by God,
    we would seek union with God.

    If we were to seek union with God,
    we would will what God wills.

    If we were to will what God wills,
    we would be transformed.

    If we were transformed,
    the world would be transformed.

    If the world were transformed,
    all would return to God.

    –from The Wisdom of the Enneagram
    Don Richard Riso & Russ Hudson
    However, I think the most important thing to remember about the Enneagram is that it couldn't be more different from MBTI. Just because both systems refer to "types," doesn't mean they are similar.

    MBTI: static
    Enneagram: motion

    MBTI: all types are "healthy"
    Enneagram: levels of health within each type

    MBTI: understanding without change mandate
    Enneagram: change mandate with goal of moving toward health and eventually beyond personality

    MBTI: describes what people do
    Enneagram: describes why people do

    MBTI: science-based
    Enneagram: tradition and spirituality based
    (and both are observation-based)

    For me, nearly all my personal growth (related to such systems, at least) has come from Enneagram and not MBTI.

    I have found the Riso & Hudson materials particularly helpful. Check out:
    Personal Growth and Spiritual Growth Through the Enneagram
    and
    Personal Growth for Enneagram Type Fours
    "How can I be, all I want to be,
    When all I want to do is strip away these stilled constraints
    And crush this charade, shred this sad, masquerade"
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qGeq5v7L3WM

  10. #10
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    Thank you for all of your help so far. I can't seem to shake the envy in me lately, and I know it's so pointless to feel this way. It only feeds the fire.
    4w3 sx/sp? INFP, INFp

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